It’s commercial, pressure-filled, exploitive, and most importantly– forced and unromantic. I’ll leave all of that to next week’s other Valentine’s Day post. But there are two ways to look at V-Day as it gets pitched our way each and every year. Whether it’s chocolate, flowers, jewelry, vibrating panties, weekend getaways, etc.—you name it and they’re selling it in fire engine red. Here are a few suggestions for how to not only cope, but to have fun and share the love. And that’s the point. Valentine’s Day should be about celebrating heart-felt love. Your Guy’s Guy suggests that the best way to make this a special occasion is by personalizing it. That means making it all about your partner…and not about you.
If love is in the air and you want to fan the flames.
If you’re a guy and you want to get intimate with a woman for the first time the tendency is to buy her lingerie, hoping that she’ll wear it for you on Valentine’s Day. Don’t do it. She is more than aware that you want the show. If you consider my suggestions and it’s meant to be, the show will open to rave reviews… and it will go on and on. Chocolates and flowers and cards and jewelry are always welcomed, but a Guy’s Guy adds intimacy to her gifts that empower them as expressions of love. So instead of doing the expected and buying a printed card at Walgreens, buy her a card that allows you to craft your own special message to her. Remind her of all the things she does that make her special and why you want to get to know her better. Pay attention to the details the way a woman does. Believe me, she will notice and you won’t have to buy her red lingerie. She’ll bring on the black when the time is right and when she does you’d better fasten your seat belt. Other things to consider are attending events together like a sake tasting or a Broadway show that she mentions in passing. Sharing brings couples closer together.
If you want to keep the fires burning.
Again, it is all about personalization. If you buy her jewelry, have it inscribed with a special message. A former paramour once bought me a silver necklace with an understatedly elegant pendant. Nice. When I looked closer she inscribed the underside with, “Love Slave”. Talk about marking your territory. It worked. Of course when my next girlfriend took one look at it, it came off instantly. If you show some effort to personalize your gift when you are in a long-term relationship or marriage, it makes your partner feel appreciated. How about writing down the twenty things she does that make her so special. Why is she so important to your life, what makes her sexy, funny, etc? Make her feel special. That is intimacy.
If you’re going down the sexual path remember to make it all about your special someone. That’s where the lingerie and crazy stuff like vibrating panties and sex toys come into play. All good. That said, you want to make sure that there is as much giving as receiving so that the festivities go all night long. I recently read about an “arousal gap’ between men and women. A real Guy’s Guy wants to make his woman happy. It’s not a race to the finish line; the goal is to arrive at the same time so everyone wins. Remember that Valentine’s Day is all about your partner, so have fun. And play safe.
Are you making Valentine’s Day all about your partner?
If you would like relationship expert Robert Manni to answer your online dating/relationship questions, please email gillian@nvmediainc.com
More about the Guy’s Guy:
Robert is the host of Guy’s Guy Radio, featured on Blog Talk Radio and available on iTunes, Stitcher, and TuneIn. The weekly podcast features interviews with relationship coaches, entertainers, authors, wellness experts, spiritual teachers, sports personalities, and a weekly “Guys’ Guy’s Guide” exploring current guy-focused topics.
His novel, THE GUYS’ GUY’S GUIDE TO LOVE, praised as the “men’s successor to Sex and the City,” has been developed into two feature-length adapted screenplays, a scripted television series (pilot and treatment), and a series of non-scripted Guy’s Guy show concepts.
Robert has appeared on broadcast television (NBC’s Morning Blend, WPIX11 Morning News) and is a frequent guest across a spectrum of satellite, terrestrial, and web-based radio programs and podcasts, as well as a contributor to Huffington Post, Thought Catalog, Cupid’s Pulse, GalTime, is a featured expert on GoodMenProject and YourTango. He was also named a Top Dating Blogger by DatingAdvice.com.
Robert developed the Guy’s Guy Platform to help men and women better understand each other and bridge the growing communication gap between the sexes. He continually creates a fresh, robust palette of timely Guy’s Guy content focused on life, love and the pursuit of happiness. Whether it’s navigating the challenges of dating, relationships, friendship, career or wellness, Robert explores ways to help both men and women be at their best so that everybody wins.
Question from Carrolton Q. “My girlfriend and I broke up amiably 6 months ago and we are still friends. I think she still has feelings for me, and I don’t know if it is best to give us space or should I just treat her as a friend and hope her feelings fade? “
Is it possible to spending time with an ex after a breakup?
Hi Carrolton:
Great question about an issue many daters face. Having seen my share of committed relationships, I discovered that the end is not the end until both partners get on the same page. Breaking up is tough, and regardless of the circumstances, people are creatures of habit. That makes cutting the cord with your ex a challenge. And, if the sex was good, it makes it even more challenging. When you meet up with your ex, even as friends, it’s easy to be tempted to return to old habits which are a short term fix rather than a long -term solution.
So, I don’t recommend post-breakup hookups. This can mess with your head on many levels. When a couple breaks up, it means at least one partner was dissatisfied and probably wants to date other people. How can you move on when you see your ex, and even under the auspices of a friendly drink, you end up in the sack? It’s not a good idea. Here’s an example.
I was in a committed relationship. Over time, we drifted apart partially due to travel for our jobs. Eventually, we broke up. She moved out and got her own place only a few blocks away. So, we got together a few times for a “friendly” dinner, and each time ended the night rumpling the sheets before she went home. This went on for a few months until I texted to see if she was up for a drink. This time she said no. She told me that the last time we got together she got busted by her new boyfriend (news to me) when she returned home with her blouse on backward. That was the end of that. Happily, the breakup turned out to be a gift. I licked my emotional wounds, moved on, and dated a number of amazing, intelligent, very attractive women until I met my future wife.
The lesson for me was that when it’s over, it’s over, and that means it’s time to move on. In the rare instance that you both want to get back together, there is no better way to sort that out than spending time apart, without the temptation of post-breakup sex.
If you would like relationship expert Robert Manni to answer your online dating/relationship questions, please email gillian@nvmediainc.com
More about the Guy’s Guy:
Robert is the host of Guy’s Guy Radio, featured on Blog Talk Radio and available on iTunes, Stitcher, and TuneIn. The weekly podcast features interviews with relationship coaches, entertainers, authors, wellness experts, spiritual teachers, sports personalities, and a weekly “Guys’ Guy’s Guide” exploring current guy-focused topics.
His novel, THE GUYS’ GUY’S GUIDE TO LOVE, praised as the “men’s successor to Sex and the City,” has been developed into two feature-length adapted screenplays, a scripted television series (pilot and treatment), and a series of non-scripted Guy’s Guy show concepts.
Robert has appeared on broadcast television (NBC’s Morning Blend, WPIX11 Morning News) and is a frequent guest across a spectrum of satellite, terrestrial, and web-based radio programs and podcasts, as well as a contributor to Huffington Post, Thought Catalog, Cupid’s Pulse, GalTime, is a featured expert on GoodMenProject and YourTango. He was also named a Top Dating Blogger by DatingAdvice.com.
Robert developed the Guy’s Guy Platform to help men and women better understand each other and bridge the growing communication gap between the sexes. He continually creates a fresh, robust palette of timely Guy’s Guy content focused on life, love and the pursuit of happiness. Whether it’s navigating the challenges of dating, relationships, friendship, career or wellness, Robert explores ways to help both men and women be at their best so that everybody wins.
Question from Emma B., “Hi Robert. I took my partner home for the holidays and things didn’t go well. My parents and partner did not get along well and I was stuck in the middle. Do you have any suggestions of how to handle the aftermath and to keep the peace between all the people I care about? Thanks!
Post-holiday tension, how do I keep the peace?
Hi Emma,
This is a great question about situations that often occur, but are rarely acknowledged as potential relationship deal-breakers. And unfortunately, there are no definitive answers when problems arise, because no two families or situations of this nature are alike. Every family has quirks we have to deal with, but for a relationship to flourish, it’s critical that there are positive dynamics between our partners and parents. After all, when in a serious relationship, we’re usually in contact with family on a regular basis.
I’ve never had an issue with my partner’s parents, but I did have a few relationships end due to underlying tensions between me and members of my partner’s family. In one case, they drank and got high too often, even for my taste. On top of that, when they drank they had a tendency to become verbally abusive. Another time, my partner’s brother pulled me aside at family gathering to threaten me if I did anything wrong to his sister. Unfortunately, at the time my partners became defensive and less than empathetic with me. Over time, both relationships ended. Looking back, I’m glad they did.
Without knowing the specifics of your situation, if your partner is not connecting with your folks, regardless of the reason why, you’re caught in the middle which puts a strain on you and your relationships with both your partner and parents. You need to find out what happened. It could be bad chemistry, polarizing political views, cultural differences or your parents’ perspective about the relationship. Get your partner’s take and also broach the subject with your parents if they have not already talked about it with you. The issue could be the result of an innocent comment, or it could be something more deep-seated.
Whatever the case may be, if you value your relationship, get to the bottom of things right away so any negative feelings don’t have time to fester. If you do everything in your power to broker peace and things ultimately don’t work out between your partner and parents, you’ll have a choice to make. At least you’ll know you did your best to find a way for things to work out between them.
If you would like relationship expert Robert Manni to answer your online dating/relationship questions, please email gillian@nvmediainc.com
More about the Guy’s Guy:
Robert is the host of Guy’s Guy Radio, featured on Blog Talk Radio and available on iTunes, Stitcher, and TuneIn. The weekly podcast features interviews with relationship coaches, entertainers, authors, wellness experts, spiritual teachers, sports personalities, and a weekly “Guys’ Guy’s Guide” exploring current guy-focused topics.
His novel, THE GUYS’ GUY’S GUIDE TO LOVE, praised as the “men’s successor to Sex and the City,” has been developed into two feature-length adapted screenplays, a scripted television series (pilot and treatment), and a series of non-scripted Guy’s Guy show concepts.
Robert has appeared on broadcast television (NBC’s Morning Blend, WPIX11 Morning News) and is a frequent guest across a spectrum of satellite, terrestrial, and web-based radio programs and podcasts, as well as a contributor to Huffington Post, Thought Catalog, Cupid’s Pulse, GalTime, is a featured expert on GoodMenProject and YourTango. He was also named a Top Dating Blogger by DatingAdvice.com.
Robert developed the Guy’s Guy Platform to help men and women better understand each other and bridge the growing communication gap between the sexes. He continually creates a fresh, robust palette of timely Guy’s Guy content focused on life, love and the pursuit of happiness. Whether it’s navigating the challenges of dating, relationships, friendship, career or wellness, Robert explores ways to help both men and women be at their best so that everybody wins.
Question from Julie S. asks: “I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost a year, and this is our first holiday season together. After reading an article about the Turkey Drop, I’m curious if you think it’s real and if there are some signs that my boyfriend might do the same to me? Thanks!”
Were you Turkey Dropped this Thanksgiving?
Hi Julie:
Regardless of the season, if your boyfriend is about to drop you, it will be more than obvious. Here are some obvious signs, though. He might seem more distant, he is not paying as much attention to you, and his eyes may be wandering. Maybe he does not respond to your texts as quickly and has become less available during the week due to after-hours “meetings” and drinks with coworkers and his buddies. Or so he says… These are universal signs that he may be moving on, regardless of the time of the year. And, that’s the real issue.
If you are in a tenuous or strained relationship, by the time November rolls around, all the holiday pressure and fanfare heading into the season make it a conveniently self-serving time to cut things off. Of course, no one likes being dropped, but in a way, escaping an unfulfilling relationship before the holidays can provide needed time to reset so you get a jumpstart on the new year which is only a month away.
Although it can be uncomfortable answering the same questions on Thanksgiving and other holiday get-togethers about why your guy isn’t with you, if things are not working it’s better to get this out of the way and enjoy the holidays on your terms. After all, during these hectic days, everyone is focused on their own affairs, not your relationship status. Plus, when you are newly single, holiday parties are opportunities to get back in circulation and make new connections while taking your mind off your ex.
Let’s face it. No one likes getting dumped, especially at this time of year. However, if you’re a glass-half-full person, being “turkey dropped” allows you to enjoy the company of your squad and loved ones without worrying about your now ex-boyfriend’s intentions. After all, who wants to stay in an unsettling relationship simply because it’s the holidays? Sometimes sudden endings are gifts in disguise.
Love yourself and make your happiness top priority, regardless of the time of year. When you’re in the right relationship you won’t be concerned about looking for signs that he’s going to dump you. You’ll be too busy having a great time and feeling good about your relationship.
Hope this helps, Happy Thanksgiving, and drop that turkey if he’s not treating you well!
Your Guy’s Guy
Happy holidays and good luck!
If you would like relationship expert Robert Manni to answer your online dating/relationship questions, please email gillian@nvmediainc.com
More about the Guy’s Guy:
Robert is the host of Guy’s Guy Radio, featured on Blog Talk Radio and available on iTunes, Stitcher, and TuneIn. The weekly podcast features interviews with relationship coaches, entertainers, authors, wellness experts, spiritual teachers, sports personalities, and a weekly “Guys’ Guy’s Guide” exploring current guy-focused topics.
His novel, THE GUYS’ GUY’S GUIDE TO LOVE, praised as the “men’s successor to Sex and the City,” has been developed into two feature-length adapted screenplays, a scripted television series (pilot and treatment), and a series of non-scripted Guy’s Guy show concepts.
Robert has appeared on broadcast television (NBC’s Morning Blend, WPIX11 Morning News) and is a frequent guest across a spectrum of satellite, terrestrial, and web-based radio programs and podcasts, as well as a contributor to Huffington Post, Thought Catalog, Cupid’s Pulse, GalTime, is a featured expert on GoodMenProject and YourTango. He was also named a Top Dating Blogger by DatingAdvice.com.
Robert developed the Guy’s Guy Platform to help men and women better understand each other and bridge the growing communication gap between the sexes. He continually creates a fresh, robust palette of timely Guy’s Guy content focused on life, love and the pursuit of happiness. Whether it’s navigating the challenges of dating, relationships, friendship, career or wellness, Robert explores ways to help both men and women be at their best so that everybody wins.
Question from Dani P: “So I’ve only been on a few dates with two separate girls. They are both cool and fun to hang out with. I told one girl that I was seeing someone else (we’ve only been on a couple of dates) and she said I have to choose. I don’t know if I should choose between them. If I don’t I won’t get to see what things could have become though. I came out of a long relationship a year ago and don’t think I’m ready to be serious, but I really like this girl. What should I do?”
What are you really looking for in dating two or more people?
Hi Dani,
It seems like you want to have your cake and eat it too, and fundamentally, there’s nothing wrong with that. After all, life is about finding joy and living your passion. So dating, which usually means seeing more than one person, is fine. However, life is determined by the choices we make, and it seems like it’s time to make some choices about what you want and who you want to spend your time with.
You are single and free and that’s all good, but you need to decide what you want out of dating. From my own experience, I’ve met too many people who did not know what they wanted out of dating, and to a person, these singles always ran into problems just like yours. For every single person who is unsure what they want there is another who knows precisely who and want they want. In your case, it sounds like the woman who does not want you dating others either wants you all to herself because she really digs you, or she is pulling a power play. You’ll have to do some work to find out which is true.
I suggest you take a step back and ask yourself what you want now that you’re single again. It sounds like you want to play the field for a while. If that’s true, then play the field and don’t allow anyone to control what you do, especially when you’re doing what say you want to do. If it feels too early to get serious with this person, tell her you dig her, but that you just got back into the single life and would like to take things slowly for now. If she does not accept that, this may be a sign of her future behavior and your freedom. Take note of how she reacts and her response.
On the other hand, you state that you like her and would like to see her again. Cool. Then tell her you like her and would like to see her again, but make sure she also knows that you are not ready to settle into a committed relationship at this time. If she’s understanding and she really digs you, she will respect your feelings and behave accordingly.
The bottom line is you need to decide for yourself what you want out of dating right now and then be honest and clear about how you feel with potential partners if the subject surfaces. After all, you are the priority, and if you are not sure of what you want or how you feel, it could send out indecisive energy that can lead to similar situations.
The good news is that you are happily single and free, you’re dating, and people want to date you. You’re in a better situation than many of your contemporaries and all you need to do is follow your heart, decide what works for you, and be crystal clear with your potential partners about where you stand if the subject comes up.
Hope this helps,
Guy’s Guy
Robert Manni
If you would like relationship expert Robert Manni to answer your online dating/relationship questions, please email gillian@nvmediainc.com
More about the Guy’s Guy:
Robert is the host of Guy’s Guy Radio, featured on Blog Talk Radio and available on iTunes, Stitcher, and TuneIn. The weekly podcast features interviews with relationship coaches, entertainers, authors, wellness experts, spiritual teachers, sports personalities, and a weekly “Guys’ Guy’s Guide” exploring current guy-focused topics.
His novel, THE GUYS’ GUY’S GUIDE TO LOVE, praised as the “men’s successor to Sex and the City,” has been developed into two feature-length adapted screenplays, a scripted television series (pilot and treatment), and a series of non-scripted Guy’s Guy show concepts.
Robert has appeared on broadcast television (NBC’s Morning Blend, WPIX11 Morning News) and is a frequent guest across a spectrum of satellite, terrestrial, and web-based radio programs and podcasts, as well as a contributor to Huffington Post, Thought Catalog, Cupid’s Pulse, GalTime, is a featured expert on GoodMenProject and YourTango. He was also named a Top Dating Blogger by DatingAdvice.com.
Robert developed the Guy’s Guy Platform to help men and women better understand each other and bridge the growing communication gap between the sexes. He continually creates a fresh, robust palette of timely Guy’s Guy content focused on life, love and the pursuit of happiness. Whether it’s navigating the challenges of dating, relationships, friendship, career or wellness, Robert explores ways to help both men and women be at their best so that everybody wins.
Question from Amy K. San Jose, CA: “I’ve been wondering lately if my boyfriend really loves me. We haven’t been together that long, but how do I know things are serious? How do I know he REALLY likes me? Thanks, Robert!”
Is your relationship serious?
Hi Amy:
With all the activity taking place in our lives, occasionally we slip into the dreaded “self-doubt” zone, whether it is about love, work, or who we are and our value as a human beings. Before tackling your specific question about love, always remind yourself that you’re a divine being deserving of love.
Concerning your sense of doubt about your boyfriend’s feelings, start by asking yourself why you feel this way. Is your intuition telling you he does not share the same feelings for you as you have for him? Or, is he not as emotionally available as you’d like and you simply want him to be more open about his feelings. If that’s the case, ask yourself why he’s not more open about expressing himself. Whatever the case, it sounds like you need reassurances concerning his feelings.
My advice? Ask him straight up how he feels about the relationship. Pay attention to the signals he provides in his response, both verbal and non-verbal. For example, if he’s unsure about his feelings, he will probably act unsure when responding. You can also ask if he loves you, assuming that you have expressed this previously and simply need reassurance. If you have not had the “are we in love” conversation, that’s a different story, but there is no reason why you should hold back on having this conversation. When couples are in the right relationship, it’s easy talking about anything with their partner. Again, when someone is uncomfortable expressing their feelings, it’s usually because they’re unsure about how they feel.
As a guy, I can tell you that when a man is happy in a relationship, he doesn’t say much about it. He simply enjoys being with his partner and it usually shows. When dudes have an issue on their mind, they usually bring it up to find out how their partner feels. Unfortunately, many guys (and women) who are unsure about their feelings often stay in relationships. It’s not a good thing, but it often happens, so it’s good to check in on how he is feeling on a regular basis.
The bottom line is if you want a sense of your partner’s feelings, have the conversation, but do it in a casual way. When people, and guys in particular, feel cornered, they get defensive. That said, it’s your right to know how he feels, and regardless of the response, it’s always better to get to the truth. After all, the truth, for better or worse, will set you free.
Hope this helps. Good luck.
Guy’s Guy
Robert Manni
If you would like relationship expert Robert Manni to answer your online dating/relationship questions, please email gillian@nvmediainc.com
More about the Guy’s Guy:
Robert is the host of Guy’s Guy Radio, featured on Blog Talk Radio and available on iTunes, Stitcher, and TuneIn. The weekly podcast features interviews with relationship coaches, entertainers, authors, wellness experts, spiritual teachers, sports personalities, and a weekly “Guys’ Guy’s Guide” exploring current guy-focused topics.
His novel, THE GUYS’ GUY’S GUIDE TO LOVE, praised as the “men’s successor to Sex and the City,” has been developed into two feature-length adapted screenplays, a scripted television series (pilot and treatment), and a series of non-scripted Guy’s Guy show concepts.
Robert has appeared on broadcast television (NBC’s Morning Blend, WPIX11 Morning News) and is a frequent guest across a spectrum of satellite, terrestrial, and web-based radio programs and podcasts, as well as a contributor to Huffington Post, Thought Catalog, Cupid’s Pulse, GalTime, is a featured expert on GoodMenProject and YourTango. He was also named a Top Dating Blogger by DatingAdvice.com.
Robert developed the Guy’s Guy Platform to help men and women better understand each other and bridge the growing communication gap between the sexes. He continually creates a fresh, robust palette of timely Guy’s Guy content focused on life, love and the pursuit of happiness. Whether it’s navigating the challenges of dating, relationships, friendship, career or wellness, Robert explores ways to help both men and women be at their best so that everybody wins.
Question from Sarah Q. Detroit, MI: “I’ve been single for a while and I don’t know where to meet guys or how to put myself out there without going to a bar and waiting for someone to talk to me! How can I meet guys?”
Meeting guys when you just don’t know where to start!
Question from Claudia F., Manchester, NH: “My partner and I have been together for five years. We’ve fallen into a routine and I don’t know how to liven up love life – inside and outside the bedroom. Any suggestions?”
Bring life back to your relationship — in and outside the bedroom!
Question from Mia B: Talking about exes with a new partner is important. How do you know when it’s the right time to bring up your past and how much information should you share?
Dating Advice: What You Should Tell Your New Partner About Your Ex
Question from Samantha W: I’m new to the digital dating world and my friends keep recommending Tinder, but this app has the reputation for hook-ups. How can I find something more serious and filter out the booty calls?
Serious Online Dating for Beginners
Hi Samantha,
Congratulations on entering the digital dating world. When it comes to dating, technology can be a blessing or a curse. It’s up to you and how you play the online dating game. One key to success is always being yourself, the same person you are online as offline. That means maintaining your values and criteria for potential online dates just as you would when meeting someone in person. If you’re not into booty calls, don’t waste your energy on apps that have a reputation for hook ups.
There is a wide variety of dating websites and apps to choose from. Many are specific about the type of clientele they seek and who they cater to. When getting your feet wet in online dating, it’s easy to dive into the deep end of the pool and find yourself treading water due to the amount of offers you’ll receive. On most sites and apps, new people get lots of attention and it can be quite overwhelming if you are a smart and attractive woman.
Before signing up or downloading an app, do your own research and talk to your friends, both female and male. When you have a clear sense of what the apps and sites are all about, I suggest choosing between one and three apps or websites to sample on a trial basis. That way you’ll see the differences in what each service has to offer without spreading yourself so thin that you’re constantly juggling dates instead of qualifying potential partners and making a real connection. I also strongly recommend looking inside and determining what experience you want to get out of the online dating game before signing up. If your goal is simply dating, you’re in luck. If you want to go deeper, you’ll need to set your personal parameters for qualifying the type of guy you’re looking for and then stick to your plan.
The good way of managing the online dating process is by starting slow and keeping things simple until your get your bearings and a feel for how the online dating game is played. Remember, never lower your standards to match a service or an app that does not represent the real you.
I hope this helps. Good luck!
Robert Manni
If you would like relationship expert Robert Manni to answer your online dating/relationship questions, please email lori@cupidspulse.com.
More about the Guy’s Guy:
Robert is the host of Guy’s Guy Radio, featured on Blog Talk Radio and available on iTunes, Stitcher, and TuneIn. The weekly podcast features interviews with relationship coaches, entertainers, authors, wellness experts, spiritual teachers, sports personalities, and a weekly “Guys’ Guy’s Guide” exploring current guy-focused topics.
His novel, THE GUYS’ GUY’S GUIDE TO LOVE, praised as the “Men’s successor to Sex and the City,” has been developed into two feature-length adapted screenplays, a scripted television series (pilot and treatment), and a series of non-scripted Guy’s Guy show concepts.
Robert has appeared on broadcast television (NBC’s Morning Blend, WPIX11 Morning News) and is a frequent guest across a spectrum of satellite, terrestrial, and web-based radio programs and podcasts, as well as a contributor to Huffington Post, Thought Catalog, Cupid’s Pulse, GalTime, is a featured expert on GoodMenProject and YourTango. He was also named a Top Dating Blogger by DatingAdvice.com.
Robert developed the Guy’s Guy Platform to help men and women better understand each other and bridge the growing communication gap between the sexes. He continually creates a fresh, robust palette of timely Guy’s Guy content focused on life, love and the pursuit of happiness. Whether it’s navigating the challenges of dating, relationships, friendship, career or wellness, Robert explores ways to help both men and women be at their best so that everybody wins.
Question from Alyssa B: “My relationship has gotten pretty rocky ever since my man’s mental health has started to decline. He’s always upset, but won’t ever talk to me. How can I help him past this?”
Helping a Partner Through Tough Mental Times is Hard
Hi Alyssa:
Thanks for this question. When a guy is “struggling with his mental health,” it casts a wide net of reasons why, especially these days. Every situation is different and I want avoid generalizing. Regardless of the issue, your support is needed and appreciated, even if your man may not seem to be responding to your efforts.
The key here, as with most relationship issues, is being present and keeping the lines of communications open at all times. Men are protective of their feelings and often hold things inside, rather than sharing with their partners. Some guys still think that talking about their problems is a sign weakness. We know this is the furthest thing from the truth, so you have some work to do.
The challenge is getting him to open up and tell you what’s going on. After all, how can you be supportive if you don’t know what’s up with your man? Find a time to get him to talk and do it in a non-threatening way. If he has issues, he probably does not want you to know how much he’s hurting. He may even be embarrassed or ashamed.
I’ve found that the casual, not too serious approach works best with guys. Take him to dinner, a movie, a ball game, a round of golf, a walk, or whatever you think will put him at ease. Afterwards, look him in the eyes, tell him he seems preoccupied, and ask if there is something he wants to talk about. Make sure he knows you are there for him in a non-judgmental way, whatever the issue. See how he responds. At this point, you’ve let him know that you’re aware something’s troubling him. As your partner, it’s up to him to share his feelings and perspective. Go slowly, but don’t let it pass without a response. And be gentle. Things could get worse if he clams up.
Again, every situation is different when it comes to “struggles with a man’s mental health,” so no one size or solution fits all. It could be something benign or he may have done something harmful to himself or the relationship. You’ll never know if you don’t take the time and put in the effort to find out what’s going on.
I hope this helps. Good luck.
Robert Manni
If you would like relationship expert Robert Manni to answer your online dating/relationship questions, please email lori@cupidspulse.com.
More about the Guy’s Guy:
Robert is the host of Guy’s Guy Radio, featured on Blog Talk Radio and available on iTunes, Stitcher, and TuneIn. The weekly podcast features interviews with relationship coaches, entertainers, authors, wellness experts, spiritual teachers, sports personalities, and a weekly “Guys’ Guy’s Guide” exploring current guy-focused topics.
His novel, THE GUYS’ GUY’S GUIDE TO LOVE, praised as the “Men’s successor to Sex and the City,” has been developed into two feature-length adapted screenplays, a scripted television series (pilot and treatment), and a series of non-scripted Guy’s Guy show concepts.
Robert has appeared on broadcast television (NBC’s Morning Blend, WPIX11 Morning News) and is a frequent guest across a spectrum of satellite, terrestrial, and web-based radio programs and podcasts, as well as a contributor to Huffington Post, Thought Catalog, Cupid’s Pulse, GalTime, is a featured expert on GoodMenProject and YourTango. He was also named a Top Dating Blogger by DatingAdvice.com.
Robert developed the Guy’s Guy Platform to help men and women better understand each other and bridge the growing communication gap between the sexes. He continually creates a fresh, robust palette of timely Guy’s Guy content focused on life, love and the pursuit of happiness. Whether it’s navigating the challenges of dating, relationships, friendship, career or wellness, Robert explores ways to help both men and women be at their best so that everybody wins.
Question from Riley A, “I feel distant in my relationship. I feel like we’re growing apart, but I want to grow together. I don’t know what to do. Should I end it, and maybe find the spark in someone else? Or stay and wait for the romance to come back?”
Should you wait for the spark to come back? Or move on?
Hi Riley:
It can be challenging when you reach the point in a relationship when things feel stagnant and that special spark is missing.
It sounds like you want to keep things going so I suggest you take a step back and consider where your relationship began, where it has led you, and how you feel about it now. Ask yourself why things may have changed and what circumstances may have affected the current lack of sparkles. The answers are usually right there when we become still and look inside.
I also suggest broaching the subject with your partner. Ask him how he feels about things if he has any issues, and where he sees the relationship going. That will also provide context for where your relationship stands and its future possibilities.
Every relationship is different and every couple has to finds their own ways to make things work if this is what they both really want.
Take the time to look inside, then trust your gut and intuition. Ultimately, this is about your finding the happiness and love you deserve.
Good luck.
Robert Manni
If you would like relationship expert Robert Manni to answer your online dating/relationship questions, please email gillian@nvmediainc.com
More about the Guy’s Guy:
Robert is the host of Guy’s Guy Radio, featured on Blog Talk Radio and available on iTunes, Stitcher, and TuneIn. The weekly podcast features interviews with relationship coaches, entertainers, authors, wellness experts, spiritual teachers, sports personalities, and a weekly “Guys’ Guy’s Guide” exploring current guy-focused topics.
His novel, THE GUYS’ GUY’S GUIDE TO LOVE, praised as the “men’s successor to Sex and the City,” has been developed into two feature-length adapted screenplays, a scripted television series (pilot and treatment), and a series of non-scripted Guy’s Guy show concepts.
Robert has appeared on broadcast television (NBC’s Morning Blend, WPIX11 Morning News) and is a frequent guest across a spectrum of satellite, terrestrial, and web-based radio programs and podcasts, as well as a contributor to Huffington Post, Thought Catalog, Cupid’s Pulse, GalTime, is a featured expert on GoodMenProject and YourTango. He was also named a Top Dating Blogger by DatingAdvice.com.
Robert developed the Guy’s Guy Platform to help men and women better understand each other and bridge the growing communication gap between the sexes. He continually creates a fresh, robust palette of timely Guy’s Guy content focused on life, love and the pursuit of happiness. Whether it’s navigating the challenges of dating, relationships, friendship, career or wellness, Robert explores ways to help both men and women be at their best so that everybody wins.
Question from Kaylee M: “My boyfriend and I have been together for a while now, and we both know we’re going to end up together for a while. But, he might have to take a job that’s 6 hours from my home, and that might be an issue for me. I’m very close to my family and not sure if this is a move I want to do. What should I do?”
Boyfriends moving away, should you go with him?
Hi Kaylee:
You have a lot of variables to consider before making a decision about this move. It’s great that you have a strong bond with your boyfriend, that he has a great opportunity, and he wants you to join him. Now it’s time to ask yourself questions. What are the opportunities for you if you join him? Do you have a career where you currently live? If so, can you get a transfer to the new locale or easily find a similar job there? Have you visited this location? Did you like it, and could you see yourself living there? Do you know anyone there? How difficult would it be to visit your family if you move? Six hours by car is substantial, but it’s not like moving across the country. You mentioned seeing yourself together with your boyfriend “for a while”. How long is a while? Is it long enough to pick up and move your life, career, and away from your family? Only you know the answers to what’s in your heart and what his intentions are.
I’m not trying to throw water on what could be a great opportunity for both of you. I’m suggesting you consider how all the variables of this move will impact you and your life, friends, and family connections. I’m also wondering what your boyfriend has to say about this opportunity as it relates to you. After all, you will be making a sacrifice since he already has a job set up. Was this opportunity a surprise or something he has been working towards? As you can see, there is a lot for you to consider prior to making a decision. You may discover that it can turn out great for both of you. Or not. Only you can get the answers you need to make a wise decision. After all, your number one priority and consideration is to yourself. Good luck!
If you would like relationship expert Robert Manni to answer your online dating/relationship questions, please email gillian@nvmediainc.com
More about the Guy’s Guy:
Robert is the host of Guy’s Guy Radio, featured on Blog Talk Radio and available on iTunes, Stitcher, and TuneIn. The weekly podcast features interviews with relationship coaches, entertainers, authors, wellness experts, spiritual teachers, sports personalities, and a weekly “Guys’ Guy’s Guide” exploring current guy-focused topics.
His novel, THE GUYS’ GUY’S GUIDE TO LOVE, praised as the “men’s successor to Sex and the City,” has been developed into two feature-length adapted screenplays, a scripted television series (pilot and treatment), and a series of non-scripted Guy’s Guy show concepts.
Robert has appeared on broadcast television (NBC’s Morning Blend, WPIX11 Morning News) and is a frequent guest across a spectrum of satellite, terrestrial, and web-based radio programs and podcasts, as well as a contributor to Huffington Post, Thought Catalog, Cupid’s Pulse, GalTime, is a featured expert on GoodMenProject and YourTango. He was also named a Top Dating Blogger by DatingAdvice.com.
Robert developed the Guy’s Guy Platform to help men and women better understand each other and bridge the growing communication gap between the sexes. He continually creates a fresh, robust palette of timely Guy’s Guy content focused on life, love and the pursuit of happiness. Whether it’s navigating the challenges of dating, relationships, friendship, career or wellness, Robert explores ways to help both men and women be at their best so that everybody wins.
Question from Rachel A, Riverhead, NY: “I have trouble opening up to my significant other. I don’t know why I have trouble telling him how I actually feel! How do I fix that?”
It’s time to open up to your significant other!
This is an interesting question, Rachel, as more women than you’d expect are experiencing this issue. Unfortunately, for both men and women, failure to share their feelings over time often results with the relationship ending. Some women I’ve spoken with are often reticent to instigate a conversation with their man when they have something important to share about their feelings. Often they dance around the subject or hold off on telling their partner exactly how they feel. Over time this can breed resentment in her if she believes her partner does not know how she feels. If not handled\properly, it gets worse and can become a deal breaker.
Sadly, although men need to do a much better job of focusing on their partner’s feelings, they do not mind readers. Guys are fairly simple when it comes to dealing with what’s on their mind in a relationship. If they say nothing, it usually means that in their mind, everything is fine. When they have a problem, they often bring it up with their partner. Guys usually decide their next move based on how the discussion goes and their partner’s response. There is not a lot of subtext in how they communicate. That’s why it is important for women to open up to their guys, make sure they hear them loud and clear and are willing to also share their “feelings”. I use quotes around “feelings” because we know guys often shut down when they think they’re being herded into “the talk”. Yes, more quotation marks.
My advice is to be sincere and use the direct approach. Tell your guy what’s on your mind and in your heart. Find a time to do this when he is relaxed and open-minded. And I don’t mean after sex. Take a walk after dinner, go to the park or the beach, or maybe to an outdoor cafe you both enjoy. Use your intuition to determine when the timing feels right to start the conversation and try to keep it light. I know this sounds like a lot of rules for expressing your feelings, but guys are not great at paying attention to their partners and often need to be informed how she feels in a direct, but loving way.
Not knowing the details of your situation, I suggest that once you’ve gotten him to pay attention and listen, determine in your heart if he is totally present and respectful of your feelings. If not, maybe give him a second chance at another time. Over time though, if you feel like he is not listening and being responsive and it’s too difficult getting on his radar, it might be time to seek bluer skies elsewhere.
Hope this helps, Good luck!
Robert
If you would like relationship expert Robert Manni to answer your online dating/relationship questions, please email gillian@nvmediainc.com
More about the Guy’s Guy:
Robert’s podcast has been picked up by KCAA Radio102.3 and 106.5FM, and 1050AM in So Cal on Wednesday evenings at 8pmPT, iHeart Radio, and Spreaker along with iTunes, Blog Talk Radio, Stitcher and Tune In. Guy’s Guy is growing!
Robert is the host of Guy’s Guy Radio, featured on Blog Talk Radio and available on iTunes, Stitcher, and TuneIn. The weekly podcast features interviews with relationship coaches, entertainers, authors, wellness experts, spiritual teachers, sports personalities, and a weekly “Guys’ Guy’s Guide” exploring current guy-focused topics.
His novel, THE GUYS’ GUY’S GUIDE TO LOVE, praised as the “men’s successor to Sex and the City,” has been developed into two feature-length adapted screenplays, a scripted television series (pilot and treatment), and a series of non-scripted Guy’s Guy show concepts.
Robert has appeared on broadcast television (NBC’s Morning Blend, WPIX11 Morning News) and is a frequent guest across a spectrum of satellite, terrestrial, and web-based radio programs and podcasts, as well as a contributor to Huffington Post, Thought Catalog, Cupid’s Pulse, GalTime, is a featured expert on GoodMenProject and YourTango. He was also named a Top Dating Blogger by DatingAdvice.com.
Robert developed the Guy’s Guy Platform to help men and women better understand each other and bridge the growing communication gap between the sexes. He continually creates a fresh, robust palette of timely Guy’s Guy content focused on life, love and the pursuit of happiness. Whether it’s navigating the challenges of dating, relationships, friendship, career or wellness, Robert explores ways to help both men and women be at their best so that everybody wins.
Question from Meghan G from Babylon, NY: “It’s hard being single during the holidays, what are some tips to help me get through being single? Or how can I find someone during this time?”
This is a great question, Meghan. With all the hustle and bustle and last minute shopping during this time of year, it’s easy to forget the true meaning of the holidays. Regardless of your spiritual beliefs, I think we can agree that this is a time for giving, gratitude, and love. Granted, this can be tough when you’re single and see couples holding hands(some people still do that) walking along the bright and colorfully lit city streets.
Do your best to be grateful for what you have, especially if you are in good health. Then focus on your friends and loved ones. I believe that when we maintain a selfless mindset, good things come our way. Of course, there are no guarantees that you’ll wake up on Christmas morning and find Mr. Right perched under your tree, but it’s a good start for shifting your thoughts into a love-based mindset. I found find that love comes our way when our heart is open. Use the holiday season to practice making room in your heart for others, including a new partner. Finding love can often be that simple, and it has nothing to do with the time of year.
Cherish your family and friends and be social. Attend parties you’re invited to and spread the love you have in your heart. I believe when we radiate love, we receive love in return. And remember to be kind. What can be the most wonderful time of the year for many can also be a very stressful time for others less fortunate.
Happy holidays and good luck!
If you would like relationship expert Robert Manni to answer your online dating/relationship questions, please email gillian@nvmediainc.com
More about the Guy’s Guy:
Robert is the host of Guy’s Guy Radio, featured on Blog Talk Radio and available on iTunes, Stitcher, and TuneIn. The weekly podcast features interviews with relationship coaches, entertainers, authors, wellness experts, spiritual teachers, sports personalities, and a weekly “Guys’ Guy’s Guide” exploring current guy-focused topics.
His novel, THE GUYS’ GUY’S GUIDE TO LOVE, praised as the “men’s successor to Sex and the City,” has been developed into two feature-length adapted screenplays, a scripted television series (pilot and treatment), and a series of non-scripted Guy’s Guy show concepts.
Robert has appeared on broadcast television (NBC’s Morning Blend, WPIX11 Morning News) and is a frequent guest across a spectrum of satellite, terrestrial, and web-based radio programs and podcasts, as well as a contributor to Huffington Post, Thought Catalog, Cupid’s Pulse, GalTime, is a featured expert on GoodMenProject and YourTango. He was also named a Top Dating Blogger by DatingAdvice.com.
Robert developed the Guy’s Guy Platform to help men and women better understand each other and bridge the growing communication gap between the sexes. He continually creates a fresh, robust palette of timely Guy’s Guy content focused on life, love and the pursuit of happiness. Whether it’s navigating the challenges of dating, relationships, friendship, career or wellness, Robert explores ways to help both men and women be at their best so that everybody wins.
Question from Olivia MacBeth (Binghamton, NY): “What should I do if the guy I really like isn’t ready to date yet? Should I keep waiting or should I move on?”
Question from Anna B (Binghamton, New York): I recently found my significant other (who I met on online) using an online dating website when I was on it. What should I do next?
Caught partner on online dating site, what should I do next?
In this week’s Single In Stiletto’s dating advice video, founder and relationship expert Suzanne Oshima talk to Robert Manni about 4 types of men you’ll meet online. Watch the video above and the article below for good dating tips in your life!
Question from Gillian L., Manhattan, “Hey Guy’s Guy, whats the best way of turning an online connection into a real date?
You have a match on your favorite dating app and the conversations online are taking off. You’re up for hours talking to your match but you’re nervous about meeting in person. How can you be sure to impress on a first date when you’ve already gotten to know each other? How do you make a successful transition from online to in person dating? Read dating advice from our relationship expert Robert Manni!
Question from Andrew L: It’s easy to look good online. There’s photo editing and time to plan what to say. When you finally meet someone in person after connecting online, there’s only one chance to impress. How can I make sure a first date is a win?
You have a match on your favorite dating app and the conversations online are taking off. You’re up for hours talking to your match and find that you’re both interested in each other. But how can you be sure to impress on a first date when you’ve already gotten to know each other? How do you make a successful transition from online to in person dating? Read dating advice from our relationship experts Suzanne Oshima and Robert Manni!
Dating Advice to Help You Successfully Transition from Online Conversations to a Killer First Date!
Suzanne K. Oshima, Matchmaker: Online dating can seem like a major convenience for people that are too busy to get out there and meet people, but technology can be a setback when it comes to actually meeting someone face to face. In order to win that first date after meeting online, it’s important to be the best version of yourself— both inside and out. When you’re able to achieve that level of confidence and self-love, that’s when the right man will ask you out.
Having high self-esteem, knowing your self-worth, and understanding exactly what you have to offer a man is key. If you believe it, then he will see it, too. You’ll be on your way to that first date in no time! And if he can’t see that an amazing woman is right in front of him, then he’s probably the wrong man for you!
Robert Manni, Guy’s Guy: There are so many dating apps and websites that today’s singles often overanalyze things after making an online connection, sadly never scoring an actual date. When I was single and dating online frequently, I became comfortable approaching women online and responding to the ladies who contacted me first.
If I felt attracted to how a woman presented herself online, I’d send a short note and ask an open-ended question about her profile. If she responded, I’d send my digits. If the woman was still interested, she’d invariably send me her number and I’d make sure to call her by the next day. I’d keep the conversation short and, if things felt right, I’d suggest meeting. This usually led to a first “date” over a beverage. After that first face-to-face meet up things either moved forward or went nowhere. It was that simple.
So, if you see someone you like online, be cool, but make your move. Don’t overanalyze. Trust your gut, but keep an open mind.There are a lot of cool people out there just like you. Remember, dating is a fun sport. Good luck.
For more dating advice and to find out more about our dating and technology gurus, click here.
If you have any questions you would like answered by our relationship experts, please e-mail them to cupid@cupidspulse.com.
Question from Mara S.: My ex and I broke up after having a long-term relationship. Should I take pictures of us down from social media now that I’m seeing someone new or should the new guy in my life understand that my ex and I had a long history together?
Technology makes it so easy to share with the world the things that matter to you. It’s normal to post memories that you want to hold onto, but beware of what message your social media is sending. When you are interested in someone, you devour everything online about them in hopes of learning something new. That’s true for someone interested in you. What do you want someone to learn about you from your photos online? Read below for dating advice from relationship experts!
Technology Dating Advice that Helps You Know When to Delete Pics of Your Ex
Suzanne K. Oshima, Matchmaker: While you and your ex had a long history together, it’s time to take the pictures down and move on with your new guy. There’s a great quote by T.D. Jakes that best sums it up, “You can’t drive forward looking in the rearview mirror.”
Robert Manni, Guy’s Guy: My answer is a resounding yes. When it’s time to move forward, take down all photos from social media of you with your ex. If you want a new beginning, especially with someone new, you need to send him the right signals about your availability. The past has merit. We live, we love, and we learn, but there must be a reason your former boyfriend is now your ex. If you’re having a hard time deleting photos of him off social media, perhaps you are not quite ready to move on. If you truly want a new beginning, then start fresh on social media and give your new suitors the opportunity to see who you are right now. If things work out, they could be the luck one in your pictures. Good luck!
For more dating advice and to find out more about our dating and technology gurus, click here.
If you have any questions you would like answered by our relationship experts, please e-mail them to cupid@cupidspulse.com.
Couple texting during a date. Photo: dolgachov / Bigstock.com
Question from Kirstie W: When my boyfriend and I first started dating, our texts were fun and exciting. When we saw each other at the end of the day, we still had a lot to talk about even though we had been texting all day. After being together for six years, texting is non-exisant and when we do see each other all we talk about is work. Conversation is getting stale; help!
Long-term relationships face unique challenges. Conversations can be much more in depth because you know each other better. At the same time, conversations can run dry because you already know so much about each other. After awhile, talks are less about discovery and more about supporting each other. This dating advice from relationship experts Suzanne Oshima and Robert Manni will help bring excitement back into any relationship!
