Cupid's Pulse Article: Ask The Guy’s Guy: What to do if You Find Your Partner Using Online Dating SitesCupid's Pulse Article: Ask The Guy’s Guy: What to do if You Find Your Partner Using Online Dating Sites

By Robert Manni

Question from Anna B (Binghamton, New York): I recently found my significant other (who I met on online) using an online dating website when I was on it. What should I do next?

Caught partner on online dating site, what should I do next?

The irony to this question is that when you are checking up on your partner online, your profile must be active also. This happened to me a few times and like most singles, I pushed back by asking what she was doing online also. At the time, I thought it was a good idea to keep my options open and in case things did not work out. Truth be told, I was a bad boy and liked window shopping all the beautiful ladies still on the market. Was this fair? Of course not, but at the time I enjoyed meeting new women and did not think I wanted a serious relationship. But all that changed when I was taught a great lesson about dating by the woman who later became my wife.

Related Link: Dating Advice Q&A: Should I Remain Friends With My Ex Online?

When we met online, she’d just returned to the dating scene after a long-term relationship ended. She signed up for a free three day pass on Match and winked at me. I was the only guy she met. I was having fun dating randomly and thought I was in no hurry to settle on one partner. But when after three great dates she asked me why my profile was still active on the site, she was not accusatory and asked in such an innocent way that I thought she was more curious than snooping. It felt like she was honestly wondering why I kept my profile active on this dating site while we were going out.

Related Link: Dating & Technology Q&A: Is It Too Soon For Me To Ask Him To Get Off Dating Sites?

When I thought about it, I realized that I had been dating so much that I’d waded too deep in the online dating pool and forgotten why I was dating in the first place. I was having a blast dating, but deep down, like most singles, I wanted a partner. So, after she asked me this innocent, but loaded question, I told her I’d hide my profile. And it’s stayed hidden. The more we dated, the more I liked being with her. She taught me that it was important to give new relationships a fair chance. If things didn’t work out, we could reactive our profiles and get on with our lives. Without saying anything more about it, we began dating exclusively and never looked back.

Related Link: Dating Advice Q&A: How Can You Tell Red Flags From Online Dating?

The moral of the story is that if you find your partner’s profile is still active online, ask him or her why and what their intentions are. Ask them if they want to date around or give the relationship a chance to grow. This way, you know where you stand without having to juggle partners and sneak around. I found this to be a more honest way of dating. So, if you’re feeling good about someone, consider giving your relationship the best opportunity to succeed by hiding or shutting down your online presence.  

Good luck.

If you would like relationship expert Robert Manni to answer your online dating/relationship questions, please email