On this week’s Single in Stilettos dating advice video, founder and relationship expert Suzanne Oshima talks to relationship expert Iris Benrubi about whether or not you can change a man. “They all come in to change each other,” she says of her clients. “Women especially think they can change their man.”
Relationship Expert Iris Benrubi Shares Her Best Dating Advice
1. You’re not his mother: You don’t want to be in a relationship where you’re the mommy and he’s the child. You have to accept him for the way he is. “You don’t get to shape him. You don’t have a say in whether he measures up or not,” Benrubi explains.
2. Any change that he makes for you isn’t sustainable: One of the top two mistakes that women make is falling in love with a man’s potential. “If only he would…” If he starts communicating more because you want him to, not because it’s part of who he is, it’s never going to last. “Have you ever tried to get fit or go on a diet for somebody else?” the relationship expert asks. “It doesn’t last that long because the motivation isn’t in there.” If a man wants to change something about himself, great. Otherwise, accept him where he’s at, or move forward if he can’t be what you need.
3. Be clear about what you want: If a guy who dresses nice is important to you, then make that known. If not, let it go. “You have to decide what you’re looking for,” Benrubi says. “Are you looking for the external? Or are you looking for the internal — a guy who loves you and accepts you the way you are?”
So if you can’t change a man, can you inspire him to want to change? Start by telling him how you’re feeling — that helps him be receptive to your request. Then, share what you need from him in a way that’s respectful. Finish by explaining what this change would do for you. “A good man ultimately wants to make you happy,” Benrubi shares.
For more dating advice videos and additional information about the Single in Stilettos shows, click here.
On this week’s Single in Stilettos dating advice video, founder and relationship expert Suzanne Oshima talks to relationship author Wendy Newman to discuss how to be a fantastic date for anyone and offer their best expert dating advice. Newman shares three ways to present your best self on a date — so listen up!
Relationship Author Wendy Newman Shares Expert Dating Advice
1. Act as if you already know him and be energetic: Start the conversation as you would with a best friend and simply ask him how his week has been or how he’s doing. “It shows that you’re interested in him as a whole person instead of the checklist items you have that you want to check off,” Newman explains. “And it has the conversation start so organically that it can go anywhere.” Oftentimes, if you zip your lips and just listen, he’ll open up quickly and let you get to know him right off the bat. Of being energetic, Oshima adds, “Enthusiasm attracts people — it brings them in.”
2. Focus on broad questions: Avoid interview questions:Don’t ask him how many people he manages or how long he’s worked somewhere. Instead, ask questions like, “What do you love about your life?” or “What’s coming up that you’re really looking forward to?” “Ask really broad questions where he can go shallow or he can go deep,” the relationship author says. “And if the answer is ‘nothing’ to all of those questions, that’s really important information for you to have.”
3. Give him 30 seconds of silence: Be willing to be engaged in the conversation, but after he’s done talking, give him a little bit of time to see if he has anything else to add. “This is completely counterintuitive to women,” the relationship author shares. “Women are squirming in their seats after five seconds, but men’s brains are designed differently than our’s.” If you want him to say more, you have to give him a chance.
For more dating advice videos and additional information about the Single in Stilettos shows, click here.
On this week’s Single in Stilettos dating advice video, founder and relationship expert Suzanne Oshima talks to relationship author Tinzley Bradford to discuss the questions you should be asking him and offer their best relationship advice. Here, Bradford shares the top three questions that women should ask on early dates to weed out the men who aren’t worth their time.
Relationship Author Gives Dating Advice
1. Are you looking for a long-term relationship? “That is a question that you have to ask,” Bradford says. There’s no use in wasting your time with someone who tells you up front that they just want to have some fun or date casually. If you know you’re looking for something long-term, then you should be dating someone who’s looking for the same thing. Unfortunately, a lot of men get scared by this question, so it’s helpful to start with a disclosure statement: “I don’t want to scare you or make you think I’m jumping too far ahead, but I’d love to know if you’re looking for a long-term relationship.”
2. Why are you interested in me? This question, which you should ask after several dates, will help you figure out if he’s interested in the way you look or if he’s truly interested in who you are. For it to last, it has to be more than just your physical attributes.
3. Are you single? You have to know! “Don’t wait for him to say, ‘Oh, I thought you knew when you saw the ring,'” the relationship author shares. “If he’s asking you questions that lead you to believe you won’t be exclusive with him, I’d be very skeptical.” Oshima adds, “I think women would actually be surprised at how many men are married or in a relationship already.”
For more dating advice videos and additional information about the Single in Stilettos shows, click here.
On this week’s Single in Stilettos dating advice video, founder and relationship expert Suzanne Oshima talks to dating coach Jaki Sabourin about how to stop attracting emotionally unavailable men. Don’t miss their expert dating advice!
1. Stop yourself from being emotionally unavailable: As Sabourin explains, according to the Law of Attraction, like attracts like — so if you show signs of being emotionally unavailable, you’ll attract a partner with similar qualities. Instead, start creating a sense of emotional availability when interacting with men. For instance, if you go out with a guy who’s angry, don’t withdraw from him. Show compassion and try to get him to open up by asking him questions.
2. Get past your own insecurities and take bigger risks: Ask him sensitive questions that will encourage him to open up to you. Oftentimes, the cause of a man’s emotional unavailability is his own past and pain. Begin by asking him questions like, “What have you gone through?” and “Is there something that’s holding you back from finding love?”
3. Get over your fear of rejection: When we’re afraid of getting hurt, it’s easy to withdraw and disconnect ourselves from our partners. By talking to your partner with care and gentleness, you’ll help him realize that he’s truly missing out on love by putting up such a strong defense. Remember that there is no perfect man or woman. Relationships are all about relating to each other in ways that strengthen your connection.
For more dating advice videos and additional information about the Single in Stilettos shows, click here.
So often online dating is looked upon as a medium that people turn to after running out of options in “real life.” As an online dating expert, I may be a bit on the biased side, but I personally think this is a mindset that officially needs to be put to death. Not only is online dating an incredible opportunity to meet other singles, but dare I say, it’s even better than attempting to meet people out and about. Here are five reasons why:
Online Dating Advice: Why It’s Better Than Real Life Dating
On this week’s Single in Stilettos dating advice video, founder and relationship expert Suzanne Oshima talks to dating coach Cyndi Olin about what types of relationships to beware of. Plus, they share their best expert dating advice for how to handle them.
Cyndi Olin Shares Expert Dating Advice
1. The “fast and furious” relationship: In this type of relationship, you have chemistry immediately and quickly go from one date to spending all of your time together. This guy moves from “zero to sixty.” As Olin explains, “What is common in these types of relationships is…the men who have them are inadvertently chemically attracted to women who are really wanting to feel loved.” While it may seem like a fairy tale at first, after six weeks to three months, the man unexpectedly puts the brakes on. He may disappear completely; he may stop calling you; he may tell you he’s not ready for a relationship.
But why does he do it? “It starts to become real and isn’t just a fantasy anymore,” Olin shares. “In the beginning, he’s in a drunken haze — he’s enjoying his time with you, but it’s not based on reality.” The relationship never had an opportunity to build the strong foundation that it needed to last.
So ladies, it’s up to you to control the pace of the relationship. “It’s not a race to the finish line,” Oshima adds. Don’t let the fear of losing him keep you from slowing things down. Always make sure you’re comfortable with the pace of your relationship, and remember that taking it slow allows him to truly get to know you.
2. A relationship with a narcissistic, psychopathic man: It’s no surprise that this type of relationship can be very dangerous. These men can be very charming and alluring, but everything is always about them. “They will do all of the work until they get you hooked. They can be very patient with the right women,” Olin says. Women become so attached to these men that they find themselves going back to them even though they know they’re not good for them.
Eventually, he will start to criticize you. Nothing is ever good enough, and you’ll find yourself feeling confined, almost as if you’re in a box. “Oftentimes, women will try to prove themselves in the relationship and start giving more than he is. The balance of the relationship becomes off,” the dating coach explains. “The woman becomes unhappy, and he becomes more powerful and power-hungry.”
Can either of these relationships ever work? For the first type of relationship, the answer is yes. As a woman, you can control the pace of the relationship, building a strong foundation of lasting love. For the second type of relationship, it depends on the man and just how narcissistic or psychopathic he is. If he wants to break his habits and truly find love, it is possible to have a happy partnership. It’s important to remember that, for any relationship, a man has to be willing to work on himself.
For more dating advice videos and additional information about the Single in Stilettos shows, click here.
For more videos from CupidsPulse.com, check out our YouTube channel.
On this week’s Single in Stilettos dating advice video, founder and relationship expert Suzanne Oshima talks to relationship author Duana Welch about their best expert dating advice for women for moving a stagnant relationship to commitment. “You don’t get this question a lot from guys because they’re in the pursuer role,” Welch explains. So ladies, listen up!
Relationship Expert Duana Welch Shares Her Tips for Commitment
It’s not as simple as just asking him.It’s tempting to approach him directly with your concern, but Welch encourages you to avoid doing so. “Studies show that guys move you from the possible Mrs. Right category to the Mrs. Right Now category when you do that,” the relationship author warns. “They think you’re low status, that you don’t have any other options.” So how can you move your relationship forward?
1. Become slightly less available: This piece of dating advice doesn’t give you an excuse to be mean or ugly to him. Instead, if he calls and you’re in the middle of something, wait a day and then call him back. Be super friendly and warm and simply explain that you were busy. “Let him hear the smile in your voice,” Welch explains. “Men want to make you happy — they feel like crap when they make you unhappy. Pair being slightly less available with being really rewarding to be with when you’re present.”
2. Test commitment with jealousy: “This is really unpopular — boy, have I received some hate mail from men!” Welch shares. But creating jealousy can be a good thing. Among women who create jealous intentionally in a male partner, it’s usually because she didn’t know if he cared or how much he cared. For instance, by accepting a date with someone else, you can easily gauge how it makes a guy feel. “If you do that and he doesn’t care, then he doesn’t care. It’s a really accurate litmus test,” says the relationship author.
3. Avoid ultimatums: Both Oshima and Welch feel strongly that you should never give a man an ultimatum. “It will backfire on you. Even if he goes along with it, he’ll feel like he’s backed into a corner, and he’ll probably rebel later on,” Oshima explains. “It’s always better if he comes to a decision on his own.”
For more dating advice videos and additional information about the Single in Stilettos shows, click here.
For more videos from CupidsPulse.com, check out our YouTube channel.
Question from David T.: I’ve been with my girlfriend for a long time. We have a great relationship, but she often posts suggestive photos of herself on social media, and it makes me uncomfortable. How can I get her to keep that part of herself between us instead of for all the world to see?
Dating in the era of social media can be difficult. Parts of your relationship that were once private can now easily be shared online. So what do you do if one partner likes sharing racy photos but it makes the other person uncomfortable? Let our relationship experts help by offering their best dating advice for using technology the right way. Learn valuable dating tips from matchmaker Suzanne Oshima and relationship author Robert Manni. Here, they’ll answer your question on how to ask your significant other to keep personal parts of your relationship (like racy photos) private. Check out their dating advice below!
Dating Advice About Social Media & Racy Photos
Suzanne K. Oshima, Matchmaker: I can completely understand why it makes you feel uncomfortable that your girlfriend posts suggestive photos herself on social media, but I’m guessing that this is something she was doing well before you started dating her. While you can’t stop her from posting the racy photos, I recommend just being completely honest with her. Share your feelings with her and let her make her own decision about whether she wants to continue posting the photos. If she doesn’t want to risk losing you, I’ll bet she’ll tone it done a bit, but don’t expect her to completely stop posting those types of photos, especially on Halloween!
Robert Manni, Guy’s Guy: Millennials have little, if any, filters when it comes to posting to their social media pages. Whether they’re on Instagram showing their fitness routines and progress pictures or booty shaking on Snapchat, it’s all out there for the world to see. And for that reason, and if you and your lady share a clear understanding about your commitment to each other, I do not see this as a major issue. However, if you’re uncomfortable with her sharing too many racy photos, ask her why she does this. Is it driven by self-esteem, competitiveness, or narcissism? Or is she simply comfortable in her own skin and wants to celebrate her good looks while she’s young and beautiful? Tell her how you feel — because if you don’t the world will be watching her while you wait. Good luck.
For more dating advice and to find out more about our dating and technology gurus, click here.
If you have any questions you would like answered by our relationship experts, please e-mail them to cupid@cupidspulse.com.
On this week’s Single in Stilettos dating advice video, founder and relationship expert Suzanne Oshima talks to relationship expert Iris Benrubi about her top three tips to help you find love.
Relationship Expert Iris Benrubi Shares Her Tips for Finding Love
1. Know your own worth: This tip is especially important for women going through a break-up or divorce, as feelings of resignation and desperation can cloud your perception of yourself. “When we own our value, we start to get clear on what it is that we’re looking for, and then, we become the chooser,” Benrubi explains. “And that gives us a lot of power.” It’s also important to build your self-confidenceback up before you start dating again.
2. Trust yourself: Increase your ability to trust yourself by connecting with your intuition. “Our head can really play tricks on us,” the relationship expert says. But our intuition lives in our body, so dig deep and think about how certain things make you feel. Each person will have their own ways of understanding their intuition and how their body responds to a yes and a no. For instance, to get clear on your no’s, think about a recent ex and how he or she makes your body feel. Always remember that your intuition can’t point you in the wrong direction.
3. Recognize when a man is emotionally unavailable: There are certain behaviors to look out for: He doesn’t follow-up or communicate between dates; he’s dismissive; he’s not interested in learning more about you. Don’t ignore these red flags! Instead, address them with him; doing so will help you determine if he’s truly capable of fulfilling your needs in a relationship. “Watch a man’s actions; don’t listen to his words,” Oshima adds.
For more dating advice videos and additional information about the Single in Stilettos shows, click here.
For more videos from CupidsPulse.com, check out our YouTube channel.
On this week’s Single in Stilettos dating advice video, founder and relationship expert Suzanne Oshima talks to relationship author Wendy Newman to discuss the biggest dating pitfalls and offer their best expert dating advice. Newman shares the five dating pitfalls that women often fall into and how to avoid them.
Relationship Author Wendy Newman Shares Expert Dating Advice
1. Feeling obligated to please a man: Women often worry about hurting a man’s feelings or displeasing him, but it’s important to keep your own feelings in mind. For instance, say you meet a man on a blind date, and he lied about his age and appearance. Rather than accepting the lie and sitting through the date, reject him graciously. Explain that he lied and that you won’t be staying. As Oshima explains, “The one thing you can never get back is your time.”
2. Approaching a man with too much information: When dating, it’s tempting to lead with your end game: that you’ll make a wonderful, loving wife someday. But for a man, that’s too much, too soon. To start, he just wants to know whether or not you’ll be a good friend. “Instead, say, ‘This is who I am as an interesting person. Who are you?'” says the relationship author.
3. Dating only one person at a time: By limiting yourself to a pool of one, you’re comparing that relationship to being alone. “And that’s not good. It’ll have us miss important things about them or not ask questions and dig in,” Newman shares. Plus, dating multiple men at once gives you a better understanding of what you want from a relationship.
4. Dealing negatively with compatibility and chemistry: Chemistry is essential to a healthy, happy relationship, but it’s not enough. It’s easy to become distracted by a handsome face or a successful career, but don’t make excuses for him if he’s not the whole package.
5. Trying to be someone you’re not: According to Newman, this is the number one mistake. Don’t follow a set of rules or what you think you should do. Instead, figure out what works best for you as you’re building a relationship and stick with it.
For more dating advice videos and additional information about the Single in Stilettos shows, click here.
For more videos from CupidsPulse.com, check out our YouTube channel.
On this week’s Single in Stilettos dating advice video, founder and relationship expert Suzanne Oshima talks to relationship author Dr. Jed Diamond to discuss the five most terrifying words to a man and offer their best relationship advice. Women are constantly worried about saying that right thing to men, and here, Dr. Diamond teaches you what not to say.
On this week’s Single in Stilettos dating advice video, founder and relationship expert Suzanne Oshima talks to relationship author Tinzley Bradford to discuss the five biggest turn-ons for men and offer their best relationship advice. Bradford shares five tips for how to attract men and reveals once and for all what turns a man on. …Don’t miss the rest! Click here for more.
On this week’s Single in Stilettos dating advice video, founder and relationship expert Suzanne Oshima talks to relationship author Robert Manni to discuss how women sabotage themselves with men and offer their best relationship advice. Here are five ways that women sabotage themselves when looking for love.
Relationship Author Gives Dating Advice
1. You’re not in it to win it: You may say you want to find love, but instead of going out to a new spot where you can actually meet someone, you find yourself in a routine of dinner at home and TV time. “You have to put yourself out there. You have to be willing to fail to be able to succeed,” Manni explains.
2. You’re always plugged in: Put your phone down! If you’re walking around New York City with your earbuds in and music blaring, you’re presenting yourself as closed off and unavailable. It’s hard for a guy to ask an open-ended question or chat you up when you’re walled off through technology. Oshima adds, “Those are barriers to meeting someone organically.”
3. You’re not fishing where the fish are: “Go where the guys are!” the relationship author says. You can find guys are at sporting events, at the football field, at a tech store, at a whiskey tasting, or at the gym. Think about your brother and his friends — where do they often go?
4. You’re always with a group of girlfriends: It’s no secret that a pack of women can be overwhelming! Guys are wondering how to handle the group dynamics and just focus on the woman they’re truly interested in. Instead, make it easier for them and single yourself out.
5. You’re too attached to your list: This is one of the most important ways that women sabotage themselves. “If you stick too closely to your list, you’re going to narrow down your opportunities,” Manni explains. “And the longer you’re single, the longer your list grows.” Make sure your list only includes a few core qualities that are value-oriented and be flexible about your physical type.
A bonus way that women sabotage themselves with men: You throw someone back in the dating pool too quickly. One bad coffee date does not mean the relationship is doomed! “Love grows if you keep an open heart,” the relationship author says. “It can turn into something spectacular if you give love a chance.”
For more dating advice videos and additional information about the Single in Stilettos shows, click here.
For more videos from CupidsPulse.com, check out our YouTube channel.
On this week’s episode of Single in Stilettos, founder and matchmaker Suzanne Oshima talks to relationship expert PJ Dixon to offer their best dating advice on flirting for fun. Find out how you can flirt as a women over 40 with the two dating tips below! …Want to know more? Click here to continue!
We all want to believe in love at first sight and the fairytale ending, but that’s not always the case. Relationships and love can grow and change with time. From your first hello to saying “I do,” here are four stages you will go through to establish if the person you’re dating is your soulmate. …Don’t miss the rest! Click here for more.
Ready for your very first online date? No? Well, don’t worry. If you’re nervous about meeting someone for the first time or simply need some solid dating advice, today, we are going to go over some fundamental first date information that you should abide by when you meet your next online match.
There’s nothing like being in the doghouse. As a relationship expert, I can assure you it’s the worst part of getting into a fight with a woman. Getting sent to the doghouse without our favorite toys is never any fun. The next time you’re in the doghouse, make sure you bring your iPad or have your phone with you so you can sit there and play on your phone and text your friends to figure out exactly how to get out of the mess you’re in. Sounds fun, doesn’t it? Well, I’ve got a better idea. An idea that’s based on something called communication and is a sure way to help you avoid future relationship problems. So now with the following relationship advice let’s try to do things differently and stay out of the doghouse.
On this week’s episode of Single in Stilettos, founder and matchmaker Suzanne Oshima talks about the language of love with relationship expert Nicole Moore who provides dating advice on the three defining ways men show you that they are unavailable for a relationship.
In this week’s Single in Stilettos episode, founder and matchmaker Suzanne Oshima talks dating advice with Patty Contenta, founder of Sensuality Secrets, about how to get sensual with a little touch. Professional ballroom dancer turned relationship expert, Contenta adapted her smooth moves from the dance floor to the playground of dating to turn heads and even get an encore in the form of a date. “I was this really sultry, mysterious, alluring woman and I wondered if I could be this in everyday life and if that would help me in my dating scenario,” Contenta says.
On this week’s episode of the Single in Stilettos show, founder of the dating advice site and matchmaker Susanne Oshima chats with intimacy and relationship coach Iris Benrubi to discuss why, even though you’re doing everything you can to find love, it’s just not working.
