Cupid's Pulse Article: Expert Relationship Advice: You’re in the Dog House…Now What?Cupid's Pulse Article: Expert Relationship Advice: You’re in the Dog House…Now What?

By David Wygant

There’s nothing like being in the doghouse. As a relationship expert, I can assure you it’s the worst part of getting into a fight with a woman. Getting sent to the doghouse without our favorite toys is never any fun. The next time you’re in the doghouse, make sure you bring your iPad or have your phone with you so you can sit there and play on your phone and text your friends to figure out exactly how to get out of the mess you’re in. Sounds fun, doesn’t it? Well, I’ve got a better idea. An idea that’s based on something called communication and is a sure way to help you avoid future relationship problems. So now with the following relationship advice let’s try to do things differently and stay out of the doghouse.

Relationship Advice To Get Out Of The Doghouse

As with most dating advice that’s given, communication is the most crucial key to any relationship. However, there’s another important key to having a great relationship, and that is ownership. When you learn how take ownership of something, you’ll no longer be in the doghouse. I truly believe that fighting can be avoided in any relationship, as long as you have open communication and take responsibility for all your actions. When you stop blaming the other person or stop getting triggered by what they’re doing, you’re going to be more in the present moment, so that when a fight happens, you’ll be able to have fight management skills right away.

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I was once with a woman whose nickname was “Perfect.” Whenever we fought, which was regularly, I would always get so frustrated with her. I was open to apologizing and hearing another viewpoint, but she was always focused on proving her side, twisting my words around, and making me feel like I was always the one at fault. I would tell her that she was blaming me and she would insist that she wasn’t. She never took responsibility for anything! In the time I was with her, she said sorry maybe once, and we fought probably every two weeks about something. It’s not in my personality to fight, but it sure was in her personality. She was looking for it; she craved it because she loved drama. So with her, I couldn’t do a thing. But with most sane, rational people, I have learned the art of saying “I’m sorry,” and you can too if you see my relationship with Perfect as a cautionary tale.

Next time when you’re in the doghouse, I want you to think about what happened or triggered inside you to go into the fight mode. I want you to clearly understand her point and listen to it carefully as you review the fight. I don’t want you to come out of the doghouse if you’re not keeping this relationship advice in mind. I want you to look at her and say, “Listen, I love you. I totally hear what you had to say the other day. I respect your feelings and the way you feel, and I understand that my actions may have triggered you to feel a certain way, and I apologize for that.” It really is that simple. It’s apologizing, talking with kindness, and making the other person know that you understand where they were coming from. It’s what we all want, to be in a relationship where we are understood and heard.

David Wygant is an internationally-renowned dating and relationship expert, author of the book Naked, and speaker. Through his boot camps, personal coaching, and his website, his love advice has transformed the relationships and love of hundreds of thousands of people from every corner of the globe. 

For more expert relationship advice from David, click here.