Cupid's Pulse Article: Expert Dating Advice: Why Can’t I Seem to Find The One?Cupid's Pulse Article: Expert Dating Advice: Why Can’t I Seem to Find The One?

By Gillian Lee

In this week’s Singles In Stilettos, dating advice video, founder and relationship expert Suzanne Oshima talks to Dr. Diana Kirschner about why you can’t find the one. Watch the video above, and read the article below to find out some good dating tips in your life.

Searching For The One


Dr. Diana Kirschner is a PBS Love Expert, Psychologist, and the best selling author to many books. Kirschner had a difficult time finding love for herself, and a difficult childhood that led to her finding her passions today.

1. Unconscious patterns: We as people are prone to our unconscious patterns, but sometimes they are very strong which can lead to continuously dating to not find the one. Start to become conscious of whatever pattern you’ve been playing out, and then overcome this pattern. Kirschner said the “I will make you love me pattern…but you can’t make anyone love you.” This all has to do with self-esteem and the belief that no one will love you. You can see this when you realize you are always taking care of your partner, you never really get a turn to get help. “It’s like you need to produce in order to get love,” Kirschner tells us.

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2. Not perfect, I’ll pass: For this reason, you find little imperfections on a person, and say he’s “not perfect.” In this pattern, “perfectly great guys come along but they are rejected, often are in women’s early years.” We have to realize that there’s no perfect guy, and there’s going to be something that isn’t on your “checklist.” You have to see if he is able to grow as a man and be able to improve his imperfections.

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3. The flameout: An example, for this reason, would be attending a 5-hour date and having sex, which is too much intimacy in a short amount of time. This pattern also happens to be fueled by fear because you feel like you have to jump in quickly. Women are prone to feel if they don’t move fast enough, that person might get away.


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