The relationship advice in this week’s Single in Stilettosdating advice video will help you overcome that paralyzing fear of dating! Whether you’ve just gotten out of a bad relationship or have been battling dating anxiety, relationship expert and Single in Stilettos founder Suzanne Oshima interviews relationship coach Iris Benrubi for the top three tips on how to overcome fear and get back into the dating game.
Relationship advice from relationship coach Iris Benrubi will help you overcome fear and help you start dating again!
On this week’s Single in Stilettos dating advice video, founder Suzanne Oshima talks to relationship expert Iris Benrubi about dating after heartbreak. First, it’s important to note that it’s okay to put a wall up. “It’s actually a good thing,” Benrubi explains. “It’s a coping strategy.” You’ve just been hurt, so it’s completely understandable that you want to go back into your shell and do some grieving. It can, however, become ineffective if you stay there. Continue reading for three things to know about dating after heartbreak!
Relationship Expert Iris Benrubi Shares Her Best Dating Advice
On this week’s Single in Stilettos dating advice video, founder Suzanne Oshima talks to relationship expert Iris Benrubi about what may be blocking you from finding love.
Relationship Expert Iris Benrubi Shares Her Best Dating Advice
1. You don’t understand your attachment strategy:Â “It comes from your childhood when you were totally dependent on your parents. You had to decide, Can I depend on them or not?” Benrubi explains. For instance, if you had a parent who was inconsistent, you may have developed an anxious attachment strategy, meaning you’re always gauging how close someone is and tend to chase after men. Or if you had a parent who just disappeared, you most likely developed an avoidant attachment style and tend to keep others at a distance. “You need to recognize what you bring to relationships and what you need to do move away from harmful attachment strategies,” the relationship expert adds.
Benrubi also encourages you to learn how to manage your anxiety — whether it’s with meditation, affirmations, breathing, or yoga. If you can’t do it on your own, reach out to a professional for help.
2. You move inwards after a break-up:Â It’s so tempting to want to keep your heart safe and say, “I don’t need a man.” “Underneath that, the reality is that we need to be connected to another person romantically,” Benrubi says. We’re actually biologically wired to need people in our life, so don’t let the fear of getting hurt again hold you back from a relationship. “Of course, we can all survive on our own, but we really want to be with that right person,” Oshima adds.
3. You don’t know your own worth “In order to get into a relationship with a good man, we need to get really clear on our value,” Benrubi shares. If you’ve been in a partnership with someone who puts you down or had a childhood where you were dismissed or felt invisible, you may try to earn a man’s love. “When you’re in that ‘earn energy,’ he’s up here, and you’re down here. You’re always dog paddling and trying to figure out what you need to do next,” she explains. “It’s exhausting.” If you want a man who respects you, you have to respect yourself first.
For more dating advice videos and additional information about the Single in Stilettos shows, click here.
On this week’s Single in Stilettos dating advice video, founder and relationship expert Suzanne Oshima talks to relationship expert Iris Benrubi about whether or not you can change a man. “They all come in to change each other,” she says of her clients. “Women especially think they can change their man.”
Relationship Expert Iris Benrubi Shares Her Best Dating Advice
1. You’re not his mother: You don’t want to be in a relationship where you’re the mommy and he’s the child. You have to accept him for the way he is. “You don’t get to shape him. You don’t have a say in whether he measures up or not,” Benrubi explains.
2. Any change that he makes for you isn’t sustainable: One of the top two mistakes that women make is falling in love with a man’s potential. “If only he would…” If he starts communicating more because you want him to, not because it’s part of who he is, it’s never going to last. “Have you ever tried to get fit or go on a diet for somebody else?” the relationship expert asks. “It doesn’t last that long because the motivation isn’t in there.” If a man wants to change something about himself, great. Otherwise, accept him where he’s at, or move forward if he can’t be what you need.
3. Be clear about what you want: If a guy who dresses nice is important to you, then make that known. If not, let it go. “You have to decide what you’re looking for,” Benrubi says. “Are you looking for the external? Or are you looking for the internal — a guy who loves you and accepts you the way you are?”
So if you can’t change a man, can you inspire him to want to change? Start by telling him how you’re feeling — that helps him be receptive to your request. Then, share what you need from him in a way that’s respectful. Finish by explaining what this change would do for you. “A good man ultimately wants to make you happy,” Benrubi shares.
For more dating advice videos and additional information about the Single in Stilettos shows, click here.
On this week’s Single in Stilettos dating advice video, founder and relationship expert Suzanne Oshima talks to relationship expert Iris Benrubi about her top three tips to help you find love.
Relationship Expert Iris Benrubi Shares Her Tips for Finding Love
1. Know your own worth: This tip is especially important for women going through a break-up or divorce, as feelings of resignation and desperation can cloud your perception of yourself. “When we own our value, we start to get clear on what it is that we’re looking for, and then, we become the chooser,” Benrubi explains. “And that gives us a lot of power.” It’s also important to build your self-confidence back up before you start dating again.
2. Trust yourself:Â Increase your ability to trust yourself by connecting with your intuition. “Our head can really play tricks on us,” the relationship expert says. But our intuition lives in our body, so dig deep and think about how certain things make you feel. Each person will have their own ways of understanding their intuition and how their body responds to a yes and a no. For instance, to get clear on your no’s, think about a recent ex and how he or she makes your body feel. Always remember that your intuition can’t point you in the wrong direction.
3. Recognize when a man is emotionally unavailable:Â There are certain behaviors to look out for: He doesn’t follow-up or communicate between dates; he’s dismissive; he’s not interested in learning more about you. Don’t ignore these red flags! Instead, address them with him; doing so will help you determine if he’s truly capable of fulfilling your needs in a relationship. “Watch a man’s actions; don’t listen to his words,” Oshima adds.
For more dating advice videos and additional information about the Single in Stilettos shows, click here.
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On this week’s episode of the Single in Stilettos show, founder of the dating advice site and matchmaker Susanne Oshima chats with intimacy and relationship coach Iris Benrubi to discuss why, even though you’re doing everything you can to find love, it’s just not working.Â
In this week’s Single in Stilettos relationship advice video, founder and matchmaker Suzanne Oshima talks to relationship expert and intimacy coach Iris Benrubi about her best dating advice for single women over 40. If you’re wondering if you’ll ever find a relationship and love, check out the video above!
Three Tips to Help You Find a Relationship and Love
Here are three pieces of expert dating advice to help you meet The One:
1. Do something different: Look at what you’ve been doing in your search for love and try something new. “If you’re not meeting the right man and the same thing keeps happening in the dating scene…you need to start doing things differently,” Oshima explains. For instance, if you haven’t had any luck at a bar, head to the park or coffee shop.
2. Handle your anxiety: There are a lot of risks when it comes to looking for love, and it’s important to handle the anxiety that comes with that risk in a healthy way. “Learn to soothe yourself so you’re not depending on a man to soothe you,” Benrubi shares.
3. Learn to acknowledge men: “They need to know that you admire and respect them,” Benrubi says. It’s important that he knows how he makes you feel. It’s that simple!
For more relationship advice videos and additional information about Single in Stilettos shows, click here.
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What is your best dating advice to meet the right man? Tell us in the comments below!
