Josh Kelley and Katherine Heigl. Photo: Izumi Hasegawa / PRPhotos.com
By Dr. Jane Greer
Dealing with an illness or injury is stressful and overwhelming, and that is even more true during a global pandemic. When it happens, family members and friends rally around the person who is sick, and the focus is on them as they deal with doctors, getting a diagnosis, managing symptoms, and so much more. While that is happening, their partner often becomes a hands-on caregiver, arranging appointments, transportation, in-home care, and dealing with all sorts of other logistics. Their strength and stamina can be instrumental in helping their loved one get through the difficult time. Katharine Heigl, the star of Firefly Lane, recently revealed her husband Josh Kelley helped her get through a health crisis. “First trip since the start of the pandemic is back to L.A. to deal with a herniated disk in my neck,” Heigl captioned with an Instagram video of Kelley singing along with the coffee maker in their hotel room. “Thank God for @joshbkelley for not only coming with me to hold my hand but for providing me with some very much needed comedic relief!” And while caring for the person who is unwell is so important, the thing that can fall through the cracks is the impact all of this has on the partner who has stepped into that helping role. Illness can hit hard, not just for the one who is sick but also for the one who is going through it with them. Since they don’t want to be a burden and possibly add more stress to their loved one who is healing, they may be reluctant to voice their worry and unhappiness, as well as the strain they are experiencing, and may even think they shouldn’t.
If you find yourself in this position, what can you do to make sure you are getting what you need so you don’t burn out and can continue to be there for the person who relies on you?
Breaking up is hard in itself. You have to find a way to move from the “we” back to the “me,” disentangle your lives and heal enough to look to the future. But what happens when the end of a relationship is charged with unrelenting and unresolved anger, and rather than bowing out gracefully and moving on your ex instead allows that anger to fuel bad behavior which can damage your reputation? This includes saying terrible things about you and can happen in different ways, including revealing personal information, distorting the truth, gossiping about a private mistake that was made when you were together or even by spreading rumors. Sometimes the information begins with the ex, and sometimes the ex simply serves to fuel the negative information. For example, celebrity exes Matthew Morrison and Lea Michele were in this situation when Morrison recently addressed reports of Michele’s diva actions while working on the show Glee. He said, “Yeah, going back to what I was saying, you know, you want to be a good, pleasant person to be around.” He did not appear to have her back.
So, how do you deal with a vindictive ex who is out for revenge? How can you handle a negative campaign against you, especially from someone you used to care about? Check out Dr. Greer’s relationship advice.
In this traumatic and unprecedented time of the global pandemic, we are surrounded by so much loss of life. In the United States alone many more than 90,000 people have died, and that number grows every day. With that in mind, it may seem that the loss of a pet pales in comparison to the death of a human loved one, and therefore people think they don’t have a right to experience or express their heartbreak. But for many, pets are among their most loved ones, and saying goodbye can be devastating, even, or more so, during this time of isolation and widespread sadness. Sports couple Hope Solo and her husband Jerramy Stevens recently talked about the loss of their dog, Conan, after he was tragically shot. Solo posted about it on social media, saying, “We’re broken-hearted to share that Conan passed away from blood loss last night. He fought up until the very end. We’re crushed. Just a dog running through the woods, trying to make his way home.”
In the same way people wonder if it’s alright to find things funny during these incredibly difficult times, many wonder if they can truly mourn the death of their beloved pet without feeling guilty. In this relationship advice, is it okay to grieve for an animal when so many people are suffering?
Maintaining happiness and peace with your romantic partner is an age-old quest. And with the pandemic keeping everyone at home together literally all the time, that goal is now both more important than ever, and, because of the intense proximity couples are sharing, more difficult than ever, too. The frustration people are feeling may come out in unexpected and snarky ways, which can lead to hurt feelings and fights. Take celebrity couple Elon Musk and Grimes who welcomed their son, X Æ A-12 Musk, earlier this month. When Grimes tried to explain the baby’s name to fans, she mistakenly transposed two numbers and Elon corrected her publicly. She came back on the defensive, saying, “I am recovering from surgery and barely alive so may my typos b forgiven but, da–it. That was meant to be profound.” She handled it with grace, basically asking Elon and everyone else to consider her situation and cut her some slack. The bottom line is that nobody likes to be corrected or told they were wrong or could have done something in a better way, and it inevitably leads to arguments.
So, what can you do when your partner appears to be hot-headed and calls you out? And what can you do to avoid it in the first place? Check out Dr. Greer’s relationship advice.
There is no question that people believe having things in common can lead to a strong marriage. But what if those shared interests fade for one or both partners, or you don’t really like that many of the same things in the first place? Can you still build a strong foundation and share a lasting relationship?
According to actor Bill Pullman, the secret to a happy marriage is “putting our hands in the dirt; it’s a parallel play of digging and planting.” In other words, he and his wife can do their own activity while being together. “It’s helped to keep in tune with each other,” he said.
Relationship Advice: For Bill Pullman and his wife, a successful marriage seems to be about embracing common ground. The question is, if you don’t have that, how can you maintain a supportive connection?
So much planning goes into a wedding, from the venue, to the guest list, to the flowers and food, and that’s after you go through what can be the long process of setting the date! It might seem, as you move closer to the big day, that becoming a married couple is the end goal, and that is where all the work stops. But in reality, that is where it all begins as you start your life together as spouses. So much goes into making the decision to take that next step from either serious dating or living together, and the big question is – does anything change on the other side as far as your own feelings go, or your feelings toward your new husband or wife? Celebrity couple Erin Foster and Simon Tikhman recently got married, and according to Foster, “It feels really nice and it feels safe and cozy that I have a husband. Like I have a person keeping me safe from the world, you know?” Many people live together and never get married, and others live together for a long time before even thinking about tying the knot.
So what, if anything, changes with marriage? How important is being married? Check out Dr. Greer’s relationship advice.
When you are first falling in love it seems that your partner can do no wrong. He always wants to try new things? Exciting! She wants to stay in her pajamas over the weekend and not go out? Cozy! He wants to read by himself every night? Focused! But over time these quirks or specific behaviors can become, well, annoying. What if you don’t want to constantly try new things? Or what if you want to get dressed and leave the house on Saturday and Sunday? Or what if you occasionally want to watch TV with him? And this doesn’t even begin to cover the other behaviors and habits that might creep in over time, such as personal habits, skills or lack thereof, and the varied willingness to take on household responsibilities. What do you do when all those things you once liked so much start to grate at you? How open can and should you be? Celebrity couple John Legend and Chrissy Teigen recently had to face this situation when they brought it to the extreme and took a lie detector test. John ended up telling the truth about a meal Chrissy made that “wasn’t great.” Whether it’s a dinner your partner cooked that you didn’t like, or the fact that he or she never puts away any clothes, it’s important to think about how to communicate these dislikes to your partner before they really become a problem.
How can you communicate your dislikes without offending them and hurting their feelings, and creating another problem altogether?
Bringing a baby into your lives can change everything. The days move in a different way, the demands on you can be like nothing you have ever experienced before, both physically and emotionally, and you might be getting little to no sleep.
It’s no wonder, then, that your romantic relationship, which may have always come naturally to the two of you, might now change as well. The very fact that the press paid so much attention to Meghan Markle and Prince Harry’s small gestures toward each other on their most recent trip — holding hands while walking, a nice kiss goodbye as they went their separate ways one day — points to how important such moves can be after having a child.
The royal couple has always been demonstrative with affection. But since the arrival of Baby Archie, their hand-holding and kissing seems a continued declaration of romance.
Keeping the romance alive and remaining passionate partners even after expanding your family can be a challenge. So how do you go about accepting and navigating the new circumstances without losing that important connection that brought you to this point in the first place?
Once upon a time, there was a very clear, natural progression of how a couple moved from one phase of their relationship to another: they dated, became engaged, got married, and, finally, moved in together. Any other choice, years ago, would have been frowned upon and maybe even whispered about. Of course, that has all changed and now we see and generally accept any choice people make, in the order in which they make it, and the way in which they commit to each other – as long as both members of the couple are on board.
Relationship Expert Advice: Have a Relationship Your Way
Coming out of a toxic relationship can be difficult in and of itself, and often requires an emotional detox. Even though the relationship is clearly over, you may find that you still have issues to work through. You might be experiencing not only the sadness and loss, but also pain and anxiety. If you got to this point after a tremendous betrayal or a chronic problem the magnitude of which you were not able to surmount, you probably have many questions and concerns about how you got into that situation in the first place, and how someone you loved could treat you so poorly. Sandra Bullock had a public breakup with her ex-husband Jesse James who admittedly cheated on her multiple times. Despite that, Sandra has finally found love again with a person whom she calls “the one,” Bryan Randall, and the couple reportedly couldn’t be happier. How, then, when you finally do find yourself on the other side and are ready to think about dating again, can you trust another person as well as your own judgement as you, like Sandra, move past the bad and attempt to find the good? How can you make sure you don’t allow yourself to fall into a toxic relationship again?
Dr. Greer’s Relationship Advice Teaches Us How to Date Again After a Toxic Relationship
Woman is upset as her boyfriend texts on a date. Photo: Kzenon / Bigstock.com
By Dr. Jane Greer
When we think of family, we often have an image of togetherness, but for almost one-fifth of the population that is not the case. Studies have shown that family estrangement affects up to nineteen percent of people. And while it may be fairly common, it is often painful and can interfere with everyday happiness. That can be the case whether it is a child who no longer talks to a parent, a sister who no longer talks to a brother, an aunt who no longer talks to a nephew or any other variation. It can become even more relevant and harder to ignore when a family event takes place such as a big holiday, a wedding, or the birth of a baby because there is the natural desire to share those things with someone who, at least at one time, played a prominent role in your life. This may be what Meghan Markle and Prince Harry are experiencing since they welcomed their first child. She has been publicly estranged from her father, and the arrival of her son might raise questions and emotions about that situation, especially since her father told The Sun that he worries he will never meet his new grandson.
In this relationship advice, learn how to approach estrangement from your family members.
It is nearly impossible to do anything privately these days because almost everything is caught on camera and then shared on social media. With that in mind, breaking up and moving on can carry an even heavier and more transparent burden since most steps are documented on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, or another social media site. For example, John Cena was spotted holding hands with a mystery woman only days after his ex, Nikki Bella, confirmed she’s in a relationship with Artem Chigvintsev. All of this played out on the internet. Sometimes the one left behind doesn’t feel ready to move on, but when they see their ex out there with a new love they might feel motivated to either try to put themselves out there too or, at the very least, look like they are. This raises the question, is using social media a good choice when trying to get over an old flame?
In this relationship advice, we explore how to approach social media after a break-up.
Couple walking in New York City. Photo: Maridav / Bigstock.com
By Dr. Jane Greer
Sustaining a marriage or an ongoing relationship can be hard, and everybody hits different rough patches along the way where they think they made a mistake choosing their partner and they can’t see a lasting future together. Even in what seems like a great connection, there are times when people think they want out. Fortunately, in most cases, they don’t act on these heat-of-the-minute thoughts, but rather look to find ways to move past them. Neil Patrick Harris and his husband David Burtka recently talked about how they keep their 15-year relationship happy and healthy. The couple, who share 8-year-old twins and got married in September 2014, said that for them it is all about communication. They said they try not to let emotions and disappointments get bottled up, but instead talk through the issues before they become too big to overcome. That’s a good strategy for everyone.
How can you navigate the potholes you hit in your relationship and get out of them so you don’t get stuck, and can instead continue to go the distance and stay on track? Check out this relationship advice from Dr. Jane Greer.
As women strive for equality, they are exercising their freedom of sexual expression more and more, which for many might mean a choice to have casual sex. However, with that freedom and choice comes great responsibility, and the important task of taking care of your emotional self and well-being. That is possible only once you know what you want and can tolerate, and, when it comes right down to it, if you can handle sex without love. Diane Von Furstenberg spoke about her fling with Richard Gere, saying it was just a “f**k,” which is how she wanted it to be. While it is more common for men to have sex and keep it just about the physical connection, with few or no feelings of intimacy involved, women regularly struggle with separating the two. Often emotions come into play despite their best intentions, since so often women feel most vulnerable when they are in intimate situations and often literally are and symbolically feel naked. So how can you know if you can handle a fling with no strings attached?
With this relationship advice, learn if you can handle a fling without love.
Planning a wedding can be exciting, but it can also be an enormous undertaking once you become immersed in all the details. From choosing a maid of honor and whatever number of bridesmaids you have agreed upon (and trying not to offend anyone with your choices), to the flowers and the cake, not to mention the seating arrangements, it can be a lot to deal with. That’s why, in the midst of it all, people often begin to wonder if they should elope. For some, it is just a joke, something to say when all they really want to do is get a break from thinking about the dress and the photographer and where Aunt Fran is going to sit. For others it can be the right choice. Actress Gina Rodriguez said she almost married her fiance Joe LoCicero after this year’s Golden Globes, gushing about getting caught up in the excitement and the beauty of the dress she had on, and saying it could have happened that night if she hadn’t had to work the next day.
In this relationship advice, find out if eloping is the right choice for you.
Couple before sunrise. Photo: aaasimon / Bigstock.com
By Dr. Jane Greer
There is nothing more shattering than dealing with the death of a loved one. It turns you inside out, and it can feel like you might never recover. The magnitude of the loss can be overwhelming. However, one of the most inexplicable, profound, and powerful avenues for not just coping with the death itself, but also moving forward with your life is experiencing signs from your loved one that they are still with you and sending you love. I call these signs transcommunication. Television personality and entrepreneur Bethenny Frankel had an experience with this when she accidentally texted her late boyfriend Dennis Shields, and at another point received a text that nobody claimed to write. She acknowledged after that she thought it was, “weird.”
I talk about this exact situation in my book The Afterlife Connection: A Therapist Reveals How to Communicate with Departed Loved Ones. I actually wrote the book because of my own experiences after I lost my mother. She gave me, and continues to give me twenty years later, such clear signs that she is still with me that I felt compelled to learn more and explore what was happening.
Opening myself up to the possibility of transcommunication transformed my life, and continues to today. It can do the same for you once you begin to know what to look for.
Some people refer to it as the Soulmate List, others as the Love List. Whatever you call it, there is a popular trend being used by many hopeful romantics in which people write down the traits they hope to find in a mate – anything from handsome to well-read to empathetic – with the belief that putting it out there will allow the universe, or whatever entity might grant true love, to conjure it up. In fact, Tiffany Haddish dished about her “dream guy” having everything from cooking skills to excellent credit to beautiful hands. While it’s nice to fantasize about the ideal companion, the reality is we all have flaws and imperfections. And the later in life you meet, the more likely each person has baggage from former relationships and life experiences, which can sometimes include previous marriages or even children.
So, the question becomes, is the practice of creating a perfect partner on paper leading you closer to or further from your goal?
Eva Mendes is loved by Ryan Gosling. Photo: GG/FAMEFLYNET PICTURES
By Dr. Jane Greer
The push and pull between holding down a job and taking care of a home is an ongoing struggle. It can be hard to balance taking care of the kids, pursuing a career, and getting all of the daily housework and chores done. If a mom is going back to work after taking time off to start a family, it can be even harder to transition into the workforce again. Eva Mendes has opened up about her struggles as a working mother of two. She talked about how difficult some of the simple things can become when you are juggling so much, even just getting dressed.
So what, if anything, is the answer to managing the tug of war and the potential chaos that comes with working and being a parent?
Nick Jonas and Priyanka Chopra. Photo: Instagram @priyankachopra
By Dr. Jane Greer
Birthdays are generally synonymous with hopes, cakes, and, of course, presents, but they can also be tinged with disappointment since there are so many expectations wrapped into this one special day, and emotions can run high. Sometimes the gift is perfect. For example, Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jonas celebrated his 26th birthday together this past week at a baseball game which, according to social media, seemed to be exactly what he wanted. A misstep with the all-important gift, however, can sometimes be the very thing that sinks the ship, and can not only ruin the day, but can also breed resentment for a long time afterward.
Whether you’re dating someone, or you’ve been married for years, getting the birthday present right can be a challenge. Your partner has wishes you may not be aware of, and you might not be sure what to get. How can you live up to meeting their desires, and where do you start?
When someone you once loved dies, it can be devastating, even if you haven’t been in a relationship with them for a long time. If that person had problems, such as a drug or alcohol addiction, learning about their death can also be confusing and can conjure up all sorts of feelings including guilt. Ariana Grande is heartbroken over her ex Mac Miller’s death, according to an inside source. The rapper was found dead last week after what is thought to be an overdose. Some people have lashed out at her, saying she should have done more for him. Others have strongly supported her, saying she did everything she could.
Either way, it is a hard place to be and it raises the question, when someone is in a difficult relationship with an addict, how much is too much, and when is getting out the right thing to do, even if that person might be in danger? Here is some relationship advice.
When is it too soon to get engaged? There are so many considerations that go into making this decision, from practical issues such as having enough money to finishing a degree to living in the same place, to more philosophical ones like is there a proper timeline for true love? Sometimes people have to first deal with other commitments and responsibilities before taking the plunge. But what if you meet someone and know instantly that person is your soulmate, do you still have to wait? Some think the answer to that is no. Nick Jonas and Priyanka Chopra announced their engagement after dating for only two months.
Quick engagements can be a sign that one or both parties are ready to settle down and feel the security and stability that comes with marriage. However, there are a number of pieces of relationship advice to consider before taking this next all-important step.
Everyone feels they were scourged in the aftermath of betrayal, and in an effort to work through that and regain their equilibrium they like to talk about what happened, often to anyone who will listen. Sometimes, though, while that can make someone feel better in the moment, it can cause greater trouble down the line and further delay the journey back to personal peace and happiness. Whether you are in the public eye or not, speaking out about the person who hurt you can be tempting. For example, Evan Felker’s ex-wife Staci Nelson reacted recently to claims that he cheated on her with country superstar Miranda Lambert. Doing this can feel like your chance to set the record straight by telling your side of the story, and it can feel like a way to fight back. You’ve been wronged, so this is your way to make it right.
Sometimes speaking out about the one who wronged you can be helpful, while other times it can cause more negativity. So how can you balance it? This relationship advice comes down to what you say, and whom you say it to.
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Photo: Solarpix / PR Photos
By Dr. Jane Greer
Dating someone new is exciting but often challenging, and adding the complications of a divorce that’s not officially finalized yet, as well as kids from the fractured marriage, into the mix can create a whirlwind of possible pitfalls and new challenges. Waiting for a divorce to become official, though, can take some time, and it is often difficult to put the entire future of one’s love life on hold until it is all said and done. Actor Brad Pitt, for example, has been seeing MIT professor Neri Oxman in the midst of ending his marriage to Angelina Jolie. Dating while being separated from your ex-spouse can often feel like a no man’s land of uncharted territory with no clear rules. There may be concerns about how quickly to move things along, or a newfound fear of commitment because the most recent union failed.
While you may be eager to move forward and find new love, it can feel like a slippery slope where you can get in too deep quickly, sometimes without even meaning to. With that in mind, there are certain pieces of relationship advice to consider as you navigate this sometimes lawless territory.
Getting over a heartbreak is never easy, and there is no simple answer to how to recover from it. What does it mean when relationships don’t work out? Is it you choosing a bad partner, or is it something out of your control? Dealing with the loss of love is often a challenge. Some people throw themselves back into the mix immediately, jumping in to a new relationship, while others take themselves out of the dating game for a while. The question is, how do you hold on to hope, and is there a way to try to ensure success on take two so that you don’t continue to repeat the same wrong moves in the love game? It’s rumored that The Weeknd’s new EP is about his exes Selena Gomez and Bella Hadid. Perhaps his approach to dealing with his breakups is through his music.
Here is some expert relationship advice on navigating heartbreak post break-up and when entering a new, rushed relationship:
