Cupid's Pulse Article: Relationship Advice: Keep Your Pregnancy Under Wraps like Cameron DiazCupid's Pulse Article: Relationship Advice: Keep Your Pregnancy Under Wraps like Cameron Diaz

By Dr. Jane Greer

There are many different stages of pregnancy that people go through, from deciding when to have a baby to beginning to try to conceive to either becoming pregnant or not and, in that case, having to consider other options such as fertility treatments, surrogacy, and adoption. One big question that is often not addressed until it begins to happen is: when do you bring other people into the equation? Do you share what’s going on right from the beginning of the journey with family and friends, or do you wait until the baby is well on his or her way? Or, like Cameron Diaz and Benji Madden did recently, do you keep the entire pregnancy under wraps until the baby is born?

The celebrity couple, who began dating in May 2014, has always kept the details about their relationship quiet. Even so, it was a surprise when the two recently announced the birth of their daughter, adding the caveat that they will not be releasing any photos or additional details because they want to protect the baby’s privacy. In order to keep such a big secret, Cameron and Benji must have agreed to it together.

How can you decide when the time is right to tell other people about your pregnancy, making sure the information isn’t leaked before you’re ready? Check out this relationship advice.

People tend to be curious and inquisitive about when others plan to start a family, but that can sometimes feel intrusive. Your mother in law, for example, might be eager to become a grandmother. So, she might ask when you are going to give her a grandchild. Or, your sister has three kids and can’t wait until they have cousins to play with, so she might be pushing you along. It can start to sound and feel like pressure. If you tell people you plan to try, then you might imagine it is all they think about when they see you, wondering how it’s going. If it doesn’t happen quickly, you might start to feel a sense of public accountability. If it takes a long time, you might even feel like you are failing and disappointing the people you have told. With all this in mind, Cupid has some relationship advice on when to tell others about your pregnancy before you are faced with it. 

Related Link: Relationship Advice: Communicate Dislikes like John Legend & Chrissy Teigen

Talk to your partner early to decide where you each stand on the topic, and determine together when you will share the news with family, friends, and in the case of Cameron and Benji, the public. Try to do this at each stage of the process. This way both of you can always be on the same page. If one of you goes ahead and spills the beans before the other is ready, that can cause tension. Say, for example, you can’t wait to tell people and share the excitement as soon as you see the positive test, but your husband is superstitious and asks you not to tell anyone until you are beginning your second trimester. It will be pretty awkward when your best friend blindsides him with a big congratulations. Along the same lines, if you tell some people and not others, the ones who are out of the loop might feel slighted if they hear the news second hand or find out later that others knew before them. It can be tricky.

It is easy to avoid all of this by having a well-thought-out and agreed-upon plan as you move forward, one that takes each of your needs and wishes into account. Consider who you want to tell, when you want to tell them, and how much information you will share. Not only will doing this allow you to support and respect each other, but it will also give you the chance to maintain control of your own space and insulate your privacy as you see fit while avoiding fallout and resentment from the people around you.

Related Link: Relationship Advice: An Unconventional Marriage

It used to seem like all babies were fair game- from the moment that baby bump began to show itself and strangers didn’t think twice about patting your tummy, to every one cooing at a baby in a stroller. That has changed, and people are being more thoughtful and protective regarding how information about their pregnancy is handled. Pregnancy invites in the world, but it is up to you if you want to let the world in or not. Just as Cameron and Benji did, you can keep it private for as long as you like. 

Please tune in to the Doctor on Call radio hour on the first Wednesday of each month, at 11 AM EST, 8 AM PST; including  Shrink Wrap on Call, Pop Psych with Dr. Greer, and Let’s Talk Sex! Connect with Dr. Jane Greer on Facebook, and be sure to follow @DrJaneGreer on Twitter for her latest insights on love, relationships, sex, and intimacy. Listen to Dr. Greer’s Shrink Wrap News at 7 segments on HealthyLife.