By Robert Manni
Question from Alyssa B: “My relationship has gotten pretty rocky ever since my man’s mental health has started to decline. He’s always upset, but won’t ever talk to me. How can I help him past this?”
Helping a Partner Through Tough Mental Times is Hard
Hi Alyssa:
Thanks for this question. When a guy is “struggling with his mental health,” it casts a wide net of reasons why, especially these days. Every situation is different and I want avoid generalizing. Regardless of the issue, your support is needed and appreciated, even if your man may not seem to be responding to your efforts.
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The key here, as with most relationship issues, is being present and keeping the lines of communications open at all times. Men are protective of their feelings and often hold things inside, rather than sharing with their partners. Some guys still think that talking about their problems is a sign weakness. We know this is the furthest thing from the truth, so you have some work to do.
The challenge is getting him to open up and tell you what’s going on. After all, how can you be supportive if you don’t know what’s up with your man? Find a time to get him to talk and do it in a non-threatening way. If he has issues, he probably does not want you to know how much he’s hurting. He may even be embarrassed or ashamed.
Related Link: Ask the Guy’s Guy: What Do I Do If I Have Trouble Opening Up To My Significant Other?
I’ve found that the casual, not too serious approach works best with guys. Take him to dinner, a movie, a ball game, a round of golf, a walk, or whatever you think will put him at ease. Afterwards, look him in the eyes, tell him he seems preoccupied, and ask if there is something he wants to talk about. Make sure he knows you are there for him in a non-judgmental way, whatever the issue. See how he responds. At this point, you’ve let him know that you’re aware something’s troubling him. As your partner, it’s up to him to share his feelings and perspective. Go slowly, but don’t let it pass without a response. And be gentle. Things could get worse if he clams up.
Again, every situation is different when it comes to “struggles with a man’s mental health,” so no one size or solution fits all. It could be something benign or he may have done something harmful to himself or the relationship. You’ll never know if you don’t take the time and put in the effort to find out what’s going on.
I hope this helps. Good luck.
Robert is the host of Guy’s Guy Radio, featured on Blog Talk Radio and available on iTunes, Stitcher, and TuneIn. The weekly podcast features interviews with relationship coaches, entertainers, authors, wellness experts, spiritual teachers, sports personalities, and a weekly “Guys’ Guy’s Guide” exploring current guy-focused topics.
His novel, THE GUYS’ GUY’S GUIDE TO LOVE, praised as the “Men’s successor to Sex and the City,” has been developed into two feature-length adapted screenplays, a scripted television series (pilot and treatment), and a series of non-scripted Guy’s Guy show concepts.
Robert has appeared on broadcast television (NBC’s Morning Blend, WPIX11 Morning News) and is a frequent guest across a spectrum of satellite, terrestrial, and web-based radio programs and podcasts, as well as a contributor to Huffington Post, Thought Catalog, Cupid’s Pulse, GalTime, is a featured expert on GoodMenProject and YourTango. He was also named a Top Dating Blogger by DatingAdvice.com.
Robert developed the Guy’s Guy Platform to help men and women better understand each other and bridge the growing communication gap between the sexes. He continually creates a fresh, robust palette of timely Guy’s Guy content focused on life, love and the pursuit of happiness. Whether it’s navigating the challenges of dating, relationships, friendship, career or wellness, Robert explores ways to help both men and women be at their best so that everybody wins.
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