Couple cuddling with love pillow. Photo: hjalmeida / Bigstock.com
By Robert Manni
Question from Rachel A, Riverhead, NY: “I have trouble opening up to my significant other. I don’t know why I have trouble telling him how I actually feel! How do I fix that?”
It’s time to open up to your significant other!
This is an interesting question, Rachel, as more women than you’d expect are experiencing this issue. Unfortunately, for both men and women, failure to share their feelings over time often results with the relationship ending. Some women I’ve spoken with are often reticent to instigate a conversation with their man when they have something important to share about their feelings. Often they dance around the subject or hold off on telling their partner exactly how they feel. Over time this can breed resentment in her if she believes her partner does not know how she feels. If not handled\properly, it gets worse and can become a deal breaker.
Sadly, although men need to do a much better job of focusing on their partner’s feelings, they do not mind readers. Guys are fairly simple when it comes to dealing with what’s on their mind in a relationship. If they say nothing, it usually means that in their mind, everything is fine. When they have a problem, they often bring it up with their partner. Guys usually decide their next move based on how the discussion goes and their partner’s response. There is not a lot of subtext in how they communicate. That’s why it is important for women to open up to their guys, make sure they hear them loud and clear and are willing to also share their “feelings”. I use quotes around “feelings” because we know guys often shut down when they think they’re being herded into “the talk”. Yes, more quotation marks.
My advice is to be sincere and use the direct approach. Tell your guy what’s on your mind and in your heart. Find a time to do this when he is relaxed and open-minded. And I don’t mean after sex. Take a walk after dinner, go to the park or the beach, or maybe to an outdoor cafe you both enjoy. Use your intuition to determine when the timing feels right to start the conversation and try to keep it light. I know this sounds like a lot of rules for expressing your feelings, but guys are not great at paying attention to their partners and often need to be informed how she feels in a direct, but loving way.
Not knowing the details of your situation, I suggest that once you’ve gotten him to pay attention and listen, determine in your heart if he is totally present and respectful of your feelings. If not, maybe give him a second chance at another time. Over time though, if you feel like he is not listening and being responsive and it’s too difficult getting on his radar, it might be time to seek bluer skies elsewhere.
Hope this helps, Good luck!
Robert
If you would like relationship expert Robert Manni to answer your online dating/relationship questions, please email gillian@nvmediainc.com
More about the Guy’s Guy:
Robert’s podcast has been picked up by KCAA Radio102.3 and 106.5FM, and 1050AM in So Cal on Wednesday evenings at 8pmPT, iHeart Radio, and Spreaker along with iTunes, Blog Talk Radio, Stitcher and Tune In. Guy’s Guy is growing!
Robert is the host of Guy’s Guy Radio, featured on Blog Talk Radio and available on iTunes, Stitcher, and TuneIn. The weekly podcast features interviews with relationship coaches, entertainers, authors, wellness experts, spiritual teachers, sports personalities, and a weekly “Guys’ Guy’s Guide” exploring current guy-focused topics.
His novel, THE GUYS’ GUY’S GUIDE TO LOVE, praised as the “men’s successor to Sex and the City,” has been developed into two feature-length adapted screenplays, a scripted television series (pilot and treatment), and a series of non-scripted Guy’s Guy show concepts.
Robert has appeared on broadcast television (NBC’s Morning Blend, WPIX11 Morning News) and is a frequent guest across a spectrum of satellite, terrestrial, and web-based radio programs and podcasts, as well as a contributor to Huffington Post, Thought Catalog, Cupid’s Pulse, GalTime, is a featured expert on GoodMenProject and YourTango. He was also named a Top Dating Blogger by DatingAdvice.com.
Robert developed the Guy’s Guy Platform to help men and women better understand each other and bridge the growing communication gap between the sexes. He continually creates a fresh, robust palette of timely Guy’s Guy content focused on life, love and the pursuit of happiness. Whether it’s navigating the challenges of dating, relationships, friendship, career or wellness, Robert explores ways to help both men and women be at their best so that everybody wins.
