Cupid's Pulse Article: Expert Relationship Advice: When to Sleep OverCupid's Pulse Article: Expert Relationship Advice: When to Sleep Over

By Megan Weks

When to sleep with someone is a personal decision; it must be considered for each specific situation. However, before you decide, influenced by him as the external factor, an internal overview is always the first consideration.

Consider the expert relationship advice below:

Many great loves that have begun with an immediate naked, giddy romp have turned into serious relationships and lasting love stories. You may even know a couple who started off this way. Even so, I’m going to offer some expert relationship advice for you to think about before making the fateful decision to jump into the sack.

Being single can be tiresome. Our bodies ache and yearn for closeness. The discomfort of pulling yourself together after work to be date-ready, skipping workouts, and spending money on clothes and cabs, only to have to face an unknown person who decides whether you’re a yes or a no, can be a process of grueling anxiety.

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It’s easier to slip into your comfy stretch pants and dive onto your warm, cozy couch for some yummy snuggles with the hot-blooded male specimen standing before you. You crave to feel a warm touch or a tickle on your back and perhaps gentle cheek kisses. Ahhh. The delicious comfort of a relationship! The urgency to advance quickly into this stage has many of us skipping the necessary qualifying steps that, ideally, come before committing to an exclusive relationship.

There are two ways to approach the intimacy process in a new relationship. The first is to dive right in, learn about the guy’s intentions and goals, and hope that the relationship falls into place (keeping in mind that his words don’t necessarily determine his intentions — only time and consistency will reveal his true intentions). If you take this approach, you’ll be making relationship decisions after the physical bond has been formed. Even if this man is not right for you on multiple other planes, you’ll have to determine that while feeling physically attached to him! Therefore, your body will be yearning for closeness with him, while you’re still trying to figure out if he wants what you want, has similar values, and so on.

After having sex, it’s proven that your brain makes cloudy (hormone-influenced) decisions about the person to whom you are attached. This is how we end up in time-consuming “mini-relationships,” often followed by painful “mini-break-ups.”

Do you have relationships that begin hot and heavy and then start to taper off and fade away? Do you have a hard time getting serious interest from men? Have you not had a serious relationship in longer than you would care to admit? If so, I want to stress this second approach to the intimacy process: Take your time to get to know a guy over two to three months before the sleepover. The process where you learn about one another slowly, without exclusivity and without sex, is what I call The Exploratory Phase of the relationship. If you include this phase in your dating process, you will decrease your number of sexual partners and increase the likelihood that your relationship will stand the test of time.

Even naturals at love can still fall prey and find themselves mired in many time-consuming :miniature-serious” relationships. You see, when you dive in head first, you put yourself in a position I call Lay and Pray. This is when the physical part of the relationship occurs before the actual relationship. A woman who gets caught up in Lay and Pray is telling herself that she can handle it and that she’s going to remain cool while things fall into place. Sound familiar? However, in this place of uncertainty, she’s feeling uneasy, seeking for answers or clues to help her define what’s happening with the relationship.

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Even if what she is experiencing with him is not ideal, she’s not exploring other options because she feels attached and is not interested in seeking out other possibilities. Women whom I define as naturals at love might still have a decent ROI (return on investment) with this method of dating because the naturals usually have a better feeling about the men who are coming into their lives. This means that, since they are making overall healthier choices when it comes to men, they will have a higher ROI in their dating process. Even though a woman may be able to jump into bed and have a chance of that turning into a solid relationship, she still needs to consider her goals, her health, and the time investment she is willing to put into having multiple “mini-serious” relationships.

Keep in mind that if he’s the right man for you, you’ll likely have the rest of your life to enjoy him, both in bed and on the couch. Either way, happy humping!

For more information about dating expert Megan Weks, visit her website at For more expert relationship advice articles from Megan, click here