By Cynthia MacGregor for Hope After Divorce
Ah…we’re moving into a new year, and don’t we all love new beginnings? It feels like a fresh start, a new chance, a do-over. It feels like an opportunity to “get it right this time.” The reality is that we can make a new beginning, a fresh start, any time. We don’t need a special date marked in red on the calendar or a month that we know is at the head of a whole fresh year.
I’ve never believed in New Year’s resolutions, but that doesn’t mean I’m against making a fresh start. I just don’t confine such activities to the first month of the calendar year. For instance, the beginning of spring is a time of rebirth. Your birthday is always a good day to re-evaluate your life and see what needs re-calibrating. In truth, any time is a good time to begin anew.
Related Link: Finding Yourself Again
The point of this column, then, is to advise you not to limit your new beginnings to the start of the new year. Now, I am not telling you not to make a fresh start now. I am just telling you that, if your life is not satisfactory or it feels like things have grown stale, any time is a good time to take matters in your own hands and do something about it.
You did that when you got divorced, assuming you were the one who initiated the split. Your marriage was — for whatever reason — not what you wanted it to be. And instead of “putting up with it,” you did something about it. You got divorced — a bold step, especially if it also meant that you would be raising your kids pretty much single-handedly from here on out.
Josh Brolin and Diane Lane are one A-list couple who recently broke up. They were introduced in 2002 by Brolin’s stepmother, Barbra Streisand, and the two married in 2004. After being married for eight years, they announced their split last February. Sources reported them stating, “This was a hard decision for both of them to make; the relationship just ran its course.”
Related Link: Josh Brolin and Diane Lane Are Officially Divorced
Maybe now you’re finding that being a solo, like Brolin and Lane, is a tougher gig than you anticipated. What you shouldn’t do is find the first available unmarried male and hitch up with him just so you’ll have help with the kids. Does the phrase “out of the frying pan and into the fire” resonate with you?
The same is true in other areas of your life too. Don’t assume that any change is automatically a change for the better. Sometimes it is; sometimes it isn’t. Maybe the change resolves one problem or set of problems but dumps a whole different problem or set into your lap and your life instead.
What are you unhappy with in your life right now? Is your income too low even with the child support money? What can you do about it? Can you switch jobs? Do you want to go back to school and study for a whole new career that pays better? Or do you want to approach your employer about a raise?
Do you see too little of your kids because you work eight hours a day and also have to figure in commuting time? Is it time to think of a job at which you can telecommute from home? Maybe it’s time to be really bold and start a business of your own from home.
Is your home unsatisfactory for whatever reason: too small, too difficult to maintain, dicey neighborhood, inconvenient location, or simply too many memories of when you lived there with your former husband? It may be time to move to a different place — even a rental house or apartment where the landlord or building super is responsible for repairs and upkeep and all that falls on your shoulders is housecleaning. Or a large house you can share with another single mom who can help you with childcare, cooking, housecleaning, and expenses. Don’t assume that, just because you’re living now in a single-family dwelling that you own, you should confine your search for a new home only to another single-family dwelling you own. Be bold! What other arrangement would work better for you?
Related Link: Maintaining a Positive Image During Divorce
Are you dating a man you know you have no future with, just so you have “someone” in your life? Sure, that type of situation offers you companionship and perhaps other advantages as well. (Does he help with the kids? Fix things around the house for you? Make himself useful in other ways?) But if you don’t love him — or even if you do, but you realize he’s not your best choice in a life partner — now’s as good a time as any to end the relationship. If you don’t, it will be harder to meet your Mr. Right.
It’s the start of a new year and a good time for new beginnings — but remember, as 2014 unfolds for you, that any time is a good time for new beginnings. Whenever you aren’t happy with the status quo, stop and consider just what you could do to improve the situation at hand. Think creatively. Think outside the box. Be bold. And make the best of this year all through the year!
For more information about Hope After Divorce, click here.
Cynthia MacGregor is a multi-published author. She has over 100 books to her credit. They include “After Your Divorce,” “Divorce Helpbook for Kids,” “Divorce Helpbook for Teens,” “Solo Parenting,” “’Step’ This Way,” and others. Forthcoming books include “The One-Parent Family,” “Why Are Mommy and Daddy GettingDivorced,” and “Daddy Doesn’t Live Here Anymore.” She hosted and produced the TVshow “Solo Parenting,” which was broadcast in South Florida over WHDT. Cynthia writes for HopeAfterDivorce.org, FamilyShare.com and LAFamily.com. Contact Cynthia at Cynthia@cynthiamacgregor.com, and visit her website.
