By Jared Sais
“How do I know if a man really likes me or if he just wants sex?” Does this question sound familiar? I’m sure it does because it’s one of the most popular questions I get asked as a relationship expert. Ditch the creeps and find your keeps with these non-verbal communication tips:
Relationship Expert Talks About Non-Verbal Cues
To follow my expert dating advice, here are three non-verbal cues to be aware of if you’re trying to determine if a guy is really into you:
His eyes: Of course, elevator eyes, flirting eyes (not directed at you), and wandering eyes are a big no-no. Elevator eyes refer to when a man skips your eyes and is constantly engaged in your lips, hips, boobs, butt, or “strut” instead. He’s clearly not respecting you for who you are and instead only focusing on what you offer in bed. Now, don’t get me wrong! It’s okay for a man to be physically attracted to you, but it shouldn’t be his sole focus.
There have been multiple times that I have observed a man and woman on a date, and as they’re talking, he will be flirting and sending seductive messages to other ladies around them. This is often done with nothing but the magical eyes. It’s essential to make sure that the man you’re with only has eyes for you; he shouldn’t be planning his next pick-up. If he does have wandering eyes, he may be more sexually aggressive than other men. It may seem innocent at first, but then he quickly rushes into a physical relationship that you’re not ready for. When you don’t give in, he’ll go straight for those other women at the bar!
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His facial expressions: If you’ve read my expert dating advice before, then you know I’m talking about facial expressions that include microexpressions, which happen much quicker than regular facial expressions and are more genuine and real.
Two expressions to look for are true happiness and true sadness. Be aware that he may be faking these facial expressions and emotions to trick you into sleeping with him. If he looks genuinely interested in what you are saying and falsely supplies you with the comfort you crave, enough to get you into bed…well, then, you just fell into his trap! Most likely, he was only half-listening and just knew the right time to smile and respond.
True happiness is often shown through a smile that takes up the entire face. The corners of the lips rise upward; the teeth show; and the mouth may open. Crows feet or wrinkles near the eyes form as the ocular muscles flex. Look for this expression in order to be confident that he is truly happy and not just faking it. A phony smile only happens with one part of the face, either the eyes or the mouth. Think about how you would smile in a picture (fake smile) verses how you would smile when seeing your significant other after an extended time apart (real smile).
True sadness also uses the entire face. The corner of your lips point downwards; the chin dimples; the eyes start to lose focus; and the inner eyebrows rise upwards. When someone is really sad, tears form and fall not only from the eyes but from the nose, as they share the same passage way. When you share a sad story with him, see if he can empathize with you and if he shows signs of sadness. Obviously, let’s hope for no full-force tears and snot, but if he’s listening and cares about what you are saying, you’ll see a definitive change in his facial expressions. It’s good to have a man who is a “rock” in your relationship and love, but you also want a partner who can feel his emotions and relate to you when you are sad.
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Be aware that some men will pretend to be sad and care just to gain access into your arms. They may even use tears as a tool to manipulate your emotions and trick you into believing them and their story. You can prevent this mistake by keeping a close eye on the details. See if his story changes or he gets very angry after becoming sad.
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His salesman personality: I have heard from so many of my friends (usually women) that “men can be so stupid sometimes.” I am sure that you’ve had a boyfriend or guy friend say something so dumb that it caused a fight. Yet on a first date or second date, if a man acts like a man and says something stupid, you go running for the hills. It’s funny, really: In the beginning, men have to act like James Bond to gain your trust and your affection, but in reality, it is those guys that should have you running.
It’s the case of a player versus a genuine man. Someone who is more like a salesman — always saying and doing the right thing at exactly the right time — has acted this way time and time again. Their skill level is through the roof, and you should be on guard. Either this guy has more charm than most or he has a goal to get you into bed!
So what should you look for? According to my expert dating advice, look for a man who is willing to open up. Look for someone who can act a bit goofy and is able to have fun. Look for a man who is a gentleman and knows how to treat a woman on a date. Look for something called “class,” which has been almost extinct in recent years but does still exist.
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Let’s play a game; we’ll call it “Class or Classless.” Opening the door for you? Class. Calling you beautiful when you first meet? Class. Asking you back to his place on a first date? Classless. Being too touchy-feely and invading your personal space too quickly?Classless. Looking into your eyes as you speak? Class. Looking at other woman or at your assets rather then into your eyes? Classless. Paying on a first date? Class. Giving you a good night kiss? Class.
If a man is trying too hard to sell himself to you, it’s a definite red flag. It’s important to note that that some men are charming and genuine, but they are easy to spot, as they are not always “on guard.” They are open and will answer any questions. They will share the good, the bad, and the challenging times in their lives. They listen and care about what you have to say.
The salesmen will be focused on themselves and try to show-off, either with what they do or what they have. It’s a thin line between confidence and cocky. Confident men don’t need to talk about themselves all the time, while cocky men do. Confident men put the emphasis on the company that made the night and the building of the relationship and love; cocky men put emphasis on what things made the night, such as the location or the bottle of wine.
A guy who is only interested in sleeping with you will try to make you feel comfortable and make you trust him quickly. He is doing so because he knows that, once you feel comfortable with him, you are more likely to sleep with him. A man who truly likes you won’t rush these emotions from you, but a man looking to only sleep with you will. You want a man who looks at you with caring eyes and leans in and who is engaged with what you are saying instead of someone who comes up with lines to make you feel comfortable and in turn trust him.
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Remember that a salesman has a designated time frame to “sell you.” It can be a few hours or into the second or third date. The best defense is not sleeping with them right away. Wait it out at least four or five dates. This behavior will do three big things. First, if the man is truly into you, waiting for sex won’t be that hard for him. He will just be happy you’re still going out with him. Next, if the guy is looking for sex and sees that you are a “hard sell,” he will go for an easier target. And third, it gives you all the power and saves you from having to deal with a creep.
Once you’ve considered these three non-verbal cues, be aware of the gentlemen disappearing act. Think of it like Cinderella: Once the clock strikes midnight, the charade is over. He might become increasingly aggressive or repeat how beautiful you are as if that’s the only English he knows. Look for slip-ups or hints of his true goal. I bet either “I had a wonderful time and would love to see you again” or “Do you want to get out of here and go to my place?” will come out of his mouth.
Jared Sais is the co-author of the website The Non-Verbal Game, where you can find free downloadable content. He is a dating expert in non-verbal communication, who specializes in body language, micro-expressions, and lie deception as they relate to relationships and love.
