By Lori Zaslow and Danielle Posner for Project Soulmate
If you’re ready for something more serious, dropping hints is okay, but you must be smart about how you play your cards. NO man wants an ultimatum or a stage-five clinger — that is nothing but a turnoff for them. Men are hunters, and they want to feel that they’re in control, especially when it comes to the next level of commitment.
First and foremost, we feel strongly that it’s okay to ask for sexual monogamy. Deciding to be monogamous must be a mutual decision by both you and your partner and not an ultimatum. Saying, “Only if you are my boyfriend,” right before sex will not only make your partner snap, but I can guarantee you will end up in the emergency room with a broken heart. Asking for your wants during moments of intimacy is a sure way to get the temporary pleasure of hearing what you want before he gets the temporary pleasure of you.
So don’t put him on the spot. Wait until you’re discussing your relationship and say something like, “If we’re sleeping together, I don’t want to be sleeping with anyone else.” This is a confident approach that puts the ball in his court. You have stated what you want, and it is now his choice to decide if he wants to go forward or not. State your feelings and wait to see his reaction because it will be telling of how he feels.
Related Link:Â NoGamesLove Video Dating Tips: How to Get a Guy to Commit
If you are both on the same page, he will be happy that you have given him a platform to make the relationship more official. If he looks confused, it’s a good thing you didn’t sleep with him because you would’ve ended up hurt when he didn’t want a commitment. If he is unsure, give him his space; he may need a few days to think about it.
Think of it as an amazing pair of shoes. Sometimes, you throw the money down right away; sometimes, you put the shoes back when you see the price; and sometimes, you need a day or two to think about if it’s really worth it to you. If he’s in the latter category, DO NOT CALL HIM! Would you want the salesgirl from the shoe department calling everyday to ask if you’re still thinking about the shoes? At that point, you may never want to shop there again! I know that when I want something, I can’t get it off my mind, and after a few days, I’ve made my decision. Let him miss you and make his choice on his own.
On that note, it’s key to never text a man at work until you are in a relationship, and even then, it should be limited. Men like to focus during the day and not respond to your every emotional need. It’s not that he doesn’t care about you; it’s just that he doesn’t care that your best friend Instagramed a picture of her lunch. Lay low, let him lead, and enjoy the ride. And remember: If he isn’t hopping in the driver seat and putting the car into drive, there are men out there who would love to have you in their passenger seat.
Related Link: 10 Signs He’s Not Really Committed
It’s always easy to listen to what somebody says, but it is more important to read into someone’s actions because sometimes actions speak louder than words. If they are giving you a week night and a weekend night, they are saying they want to be with you. Telling him that you want to only sleep with him will be a no-brainer for him, and this conversation should go rather smoothly. If he is listening to your needs and makes an effort to please you, you can rest assured that you are a priority. Eventually, your relationship will lead toward a commitment.
If he is texting you all the time but not asking you out, lay low and don’t be so needy. Always texting and always asking for plans doesn’t let a man lead; instead, it leads him to block your number! Play your cards right; let him take the lead; and once you have a symbiotic relationship, it is then okay to make plans (men want and expect that.)
Remember: Once a hunter brings back his catch, he expects the woman to cook it. Don’t start boiling the water until he brings dinner home, or you are just going to end up with an overflowing pot and a puddle of water on the floor.
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How did you talk to your man about commitment and monogamy? Tell us in the comments below!
