By Janeen Diamond for Hope After Divorce
…we see a few redeeming qualities and think we’ve found The One. Well, let me tell you — some of us have found The One more than once!
What is it about us humans that we believe in order to be truly happy we need a significant other in our lives at all times? I think more of us need to work on being okay with being alone — at least until we know we’re ready for the kind of relationship that will truly add to our own individual happiness. Now, you know me: I always try to keep a dose of positive attitude in everything I write. So today’s message may come across as a bit of a downer, but I believe it is too important, so I’m going to go for it.
The divorce rate continues to climb, and I’m convinced it’s because people — and particularly we women — get in such a rush to marry or re-marry, that we see a few redeeming qualities and think we’ve found The One. Well, let me tell you — some of us have found The One more than once!
We wind up telling ourselves things like, “He’s completely different than my last husband” or “He’s just so wonderful with my kids.” Maybe it’s more like, “Who cares if he drinks a little too much? He’s just so amazing” or “So what if his ex-wife hates him — he’s just misunderstood.” There’s also, “He’s irresponsible, but he’s so generous with his money,” “I don’t know that much about his past, but that’s just because he’s a very private person,” and “Yeah, I know he’s got a temper, but he has so much stress in his life. I can make everything all better.”
Related Link: How To Behave Like a Gentleman
Let me just say… Yes, of course, there are good men out there. I know many. But there are a lot of bad ones too, and the world of divorce seems to make them surface in droves.
I don’t make it a habit of recommending books, but I came across one that I actually want my youngest daughter to read before she even starts dating. That means I think every woman, married or dating, should read it too before she overlooks the warning signs or so she can finally realize why she’s been beating her head against the wall trying to make the relationship work. It’s called How to Spot a Dangerous Man Before You Get Involved. And boy, is it an eye-opener!
Now, to all you ladies reading who are looking for a new relationship, let’s give this a positive spin because I won’t be able to live with myself otherwise… Let’s be the woman who is so happy with herself and her life that she doesn’t need a man to fulfill her. Let’s be the woman who spots a good man when he does come along and attracts him into her life because she is stable and independent and happy. Let’s be the woman who is able to step back and examine the facts before jumping feet first into a relationship that may leave you heartbroken at best. Let’s be the woman who takes a pass on all the drama and looks for a grown-up to be a lifelong partner, who brings joy and stability and lasting love into the relationship.
The task of finding a genuine man who will appreciate you, love you, take care of you, and allow you to be who you are and who is also loving, kind, secure, and stable (funny would be an added bonus!) doesn’t need to be as hard as we make it. Be the kind of woman who will attract this kind of man, and don’t settle for anything less than what you want and what you deserve.
Related Link: ‘Love Sick: A Memoir of Searching for Mr. Good Enough’ Recalls the Humorous and Insightful Journey of Looking For Love
If you’re currently on the market for a new relationship, just remember to be careful, be watchful, and be open to dating and marrying good, solid men. They may not be as exciting in the beginning, but they will make your dreams come true in the end.
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Janeen Diamond, author of 