On this week’s Single in Stilettos dating advice video, founder and relationship expert Suzanne Oshima talks to dating coach Cyndi Olin about what types of relationships to beware of. Plus, they share their best expert dating advice for how to handle them.
Cyndi Olin Shares Expert Dating Advice
1. The “fast and furious” relationship: In this type of relationship, you have chemistry immediately and quickly go from one date to spending all of your time together. This guy moves from “zero to sixty.” As Olin explains, “What is common in these types of relationships is…the men who have them are inadvertently  chemically attracted to women who are really wanting to feel loved.” While it may seem like a fairy tale at first, after six weeks to three months, the man unexpectedly puts the brakes on. He may disappear completely; he may stop calling you; he may tell you he’s not ready for a relationship.
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But why does he do it? “It starts to become real and isn’t just a fantasy anymore,” Olin shares. “In the beginning, he’s in a drunken haze — he’s enjoying his time with you, but it’s not based on reality.” The relationship never had an opportunity to build the strong foundation that it needed to last.
So ladies, it’s up to you to control the pace of the relationship. “It’s not a race to the finish line,” Oshima adds. Don’t let the fear of losing him keep you from slowing things down. Always make sure you’re comfortable with the pace of your relationship, and remember that taking it slow allows him to truly get to know you.
2. A relationship with a narcissistic, psychopathic man: It’s no surprise that this type of relationship can be very dangerous. These men can be very charming and alluring, but everything is always about them. “They will do all of the work until they get you hooked. They can be very patient with the right women,” Olin says. Women become so attached to these men that they find themselves going back to them even though they know they’re not good for them.
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Eventually, he will start to criticize you. Nothing is ever good enough, and you’ll find yourself feeling confined, almost as if you’re in a box. “Oftentimes, women will try to prove themselves in the relationship and start giving more than he is. The balance of the relationship becomes off,” the dating coach explains. “The woman becomes unhappy, and he becomes more powerful and power-hungry.”
Can either of these relationships ever work? For the first type of relationship, the answer is yes. As a woman, you can control the pace of the relationship, building a strong foundation of lasting love. For the second type of relationship, it depends on the man and just how narcissistic or psychopathic he is. If he wants to break his habits and truly find love, it is possible to have a happy partnership. It’s important to remember that, for any relationship, a man has to be willing to work on himself.
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