Relationship Advice: What Do You Do When There’s More Take Than Give In Your Relationship In Life?

By David Wygant
There is nothing worse than being in a relationship with a “taker.” I’ve been down this road before and let me tell you, it’s a pretty challenging battle to win. First off, takers never think they’re takers. They don’t see their behavior at all. As a matter of fact, they think what they’re doing is okay. I was once with a woman that was not affectionate at all. For those of you who have read the Five Love Languages, my love language equals words of affirmation and physical touch. So when your love language is not being fulfilled, you feel like you’re absolutely dying inside. You don’t feel loved at all. Heed this relationship advice so you can avoid being taken advantage of by a taker.

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The woman I was with, I had to beg and ask for affection. Imagine that, asking for affection whenever you needed it. And I had to tell her that I needed affection all the time. When she physically touched me, I’d be very happy, but she never felt the urge at all. As a matter of fact, in an ironic twist, she loved to be touched. So she took, and took, and took! And never gave back! Aside from this specific person, I’ve been in other relationships where women have taken my generosity and given nothing back. You see, relationships like these never work, and I believe we’ve all been in relationships with takers, whether it’s affection, money, time; whatever you have, they will take.

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You see, the issue goes back to you. You are a big part of the relationship problems you’re facing. You chose the wrong person in the first place, and chose to tolerate their negligence. The taker was always a taker and never a giver, but you decided not to see the warning signs in the beginning (because there’s always an opportunity to notice these things). As a relationship expert, I take a look at someone’s behaviors and actions in the very, very beginning. I tend to spend a lot of time now looking at someone’s behaviors and actions. Do they walk the walk? Do they talk the talk? Are they a giver as I am? Are they nurturing and loving? If there is one thing you keep in mind out of all dating tips, I want you to get rid of the story and the fantasy about what you think the relationship is, and allow the person you’re with to show exactly who they are.

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If you’re already in a relationship with somebody, the best relationship advice I can offer is that you’re going to need to sit down and actually have a tough conversation. More importantly, you can’t just accuse somebody of being a taker. What you need to do is fully explain what you need, want, and desire in a relationship. Say what makes you feel fulfilled and happy, and how your partner can achieve this through their actions. It’s very important how you phrase this, because when you tell them it makes you feel love when they do those actions, it’s a reward. They’re going to want to do it again and again. Tell them all the things you love about what they do and ask for more. It really is that simple.

David Wygant is an internationally-renowned dating and relationship expert, author of the book Naked, and speaker. Through his boot camps, personal coaching, and his website, his love advice has transformed the relationships and love of hundreds of thousands of people from every corner of the globe. 

For more expert relationship advice from David, click here.