By Dr. Jane Greer
In latest celebrity news, actress Cameron Diaz recently revealed her secrets to a healthy life: diet, exercise, and getting busy between the sheets! She credits sex as being her “fountain of youth,” what keeps her young despite the hectic and fast-paced lifestyle that comes with being a celebrity and constantly in the public eye. Cameron believes people need lots of sex in their relationship and love lives and that it’s a healthy, natural bodily function. She’s right.
My love advice is that sex not only promotes intimacy between partners and strengthens their relationships and love on a physical level, but it also boosts self-confidence and increases happiness.
While having lots of sex promotes health and well-being, making the time and being able to do it as often as you like can be challenging. A variety of responsibilities can get in the way, including work, children, making dinner, etc. So, what can you do to safeguard against this? Here are a few pieces of dating advice that can help you spend more time in the bedroom and less time worrying about getting there.
Consider scheduling spontaneity.
While it seems paradoxical to plan it, more often than not that spontaneity we all crave happens at the beginning of a relationship when you are falling in love and all you want to do is fall into bed, letting everything else fall by the wayside. But that moment in time can’t last forever when there are so many things you need to deal with. That is the tricky part of sex; while it can alleviate stress, making it happen and not letting the stress of everything else on your plate get in the way can be difficult. Still, everyone wants that feeling of being swept away and leaving everything else behind. Considering what stands in the way of that, the reality is that it may not happen unless you plan it. We plan vacations, parties, dinners out – so many activities that we enjoy. Why not plan to be sexually spontaneous with your partner? If you decide that you will spend an hour together on Saturday afternoon, or on Tuesday morning right after you drop the kids off at school, then you can make sure all the things you absolutely have to do are done, and you can allow yourself to not think about them for that hour or so you’ve set aside. It also gives you an opportunity to look forward to being with your lover in the same way you looked forward to it when you were first establishing your relationship and love. Think of it as mental foreplay. And once you reach your planned date, don’t worry about anything else – those dishes can wait!
Related Link: Cameron Diaz and Benji Madden Visit Her Parents in Florida
Say “Yes” and take a rain check.
But what happens when you really can’t find the time? In that case, instead of saying “no,” say “yes” and take a rain check. It is so rare that two people want the exact same thing at the exact same time. Maybe you are hoping for a big pizza dinner, but your wife had a huge business lunch and just wants a salad tonight. When that happens, you probably compromise – maybe you’ll have a salad tonight and plan for the pizza over the weekend. It’s the same thing with sex – presumably you both want it at some point, but maybe not at the exact same time, or maybe one of you wants to do it more often than the other. Many times people just say “no” and leave it at that. But instead of saying you’re not in the mood, and leaving your partner to feel undesirable, or to wonder if it is something they’ve done, say “yes,” but not tonight. How about tomorrow? Or, maybe you can compromise, do a little something tonight and more over the weekend when you are both relaxed. Sex doesn’t have to be the whole thing all the time.
Related Link: Benji Madden Sends Celebrity Love Cameron Diaz a Cute ‘Miss You’ Message
Embrace the moment.
Finally, do your best to embrace the moment! How often has your partner come up behind you and given you a hug that makes you think: sex now, really? You know you haven’t showered yet, or closed all the windows for the night, or responded to all those emails just waiting there for you. So you push off the advances, thinking you can get back to that later, after everything else is done. The problem is, not only is that moment of excitement long gone by the time you return to it, but your partner might feel unwanted and rejected in the meantime. Whatever you are doing to take care of things so you can relax better can be a put off to the other person. If you are at a party and your favorite song comes on, you wouldn’t finish eating, carefully fold your napkin, take another drink, and risk getting out onto the dance floor with only the last notes of that song left. No, you’d jump up, grab your partner’s hand, enjoy dancing to the song, and get back to everything else after. Sometimes life gets in the way of the moment, and in letting that happen you let the passion evaporate. The next time your partner gives you that romantic snuggle, go with the flow. Try to see if your sex doesn’t sizzle a little more because you stepped into the passion while it was burning hot.
No matter what might work for you, it’s helpful to keep in mind that the quality of the sex you have with your partner is as, if not more, important than the quantity, especially since everyone has different notions as to what seems like a lot or enough sex. As long as you and your partner can find a middle ground on how often you both want sex, you’ll both be content.
We can thank Cameron Diaz for being so open and sharing her secret to healthy living with all of us!
