Cupid's Pulse Article: Four Changes You MUST Make to Avoid Falling Prey to the Unavailable ManCupid's Pulse Article: Four Changes You MUST Make to Avoid Falling Prey to the Unavailable Man

By April Kirkwood

Something mystical occurs when a beloved arrives and touches our heart. We become mesmerized as if we’re under a spell, and we are deaf to all rational thought. We are cut off from cognitive reasoning and common sense as he slips his hand in ours. We blindly ignore the wedding ring on his hand, the calls from his kids during love making, and holidays alone as he spends time with family and friends.

Eventually, the dream of landing the unavailable man starts to crumble. Weeks fade into years, turning us into hateful, bi-polar lunatics lost in lies and deception. The eventual breakup ends badly. He calls us crazy, a mistake, or denies “us” altogether.

For months after, we stumble through our days half drunk with deep pain. Confused and broken, our eyes are forced open by the glaring sun of truth. Our mind spins out of control with a million feelings. We go over details and ask questions that will never be answered. We toss and turn night after night, get lost in glasses of wine, and we pour out our hearts to anyone who will listen. In short, we are a total train wreck.

Sound familiar?

The truth is that the ‘unavailable man’ is a part of our culture. Cheating is as permanent as the stars in the sky. The cheating man is not going away. On the contrary, because of social media and technology, these scoundrels can get away with more than they ever have before.

However, the Unavailable Man does not have to be a character in your life’s story. After years of counseling, I have found that many women (from various demographics) carry with them certain thoughts and beliefs that lead them straight to the Heartbreak Hotel. Beliefs that don’t serve and support what we all truly want and deserve; a monogamous relationship with a honest man who is capable, willing, and ready to love us.

Smart UP Ladies

1. Quit being DEAF to what men say: “I’m a mess.” “I just want to have fun.” They often tell the truth to make themselves feel less guilty. However, you are too busy selling yourself to hear it clearly. Be a fly on the wall and watch the lies fall.

Related: How to Defend Against Four Emotional Vampires

2. Stop acting DUMB: Never give anyone the benefit of the doubt. Check him out. It’s not being mean; it’s just being smart. If your research checks out, he never needs to know.

Related: Miley Cyrus Celebrates Birthday with Patrick Schwarzenegger

3. Get rid of being BLIND to the obvious: He keeps his life a bit of a mystery because he is hiding the truth.

4. Don’t act like a CHILD: Get rid of fantasy ideals like: Dreams do come true, wishes come true, and love conquers all. Seriously! Grow up and get real. You are not Cinderella!

Most importantly, always be kind and classy. Years later, it will be you not him who has something we like to call, integrity. That’s the best revenge of all.

April Kirkwood is a graduate of Youngstown State University with two masters in education—in school and community counseling. April worked for more than 25 years in public education and in the mental health field as a social worker, teacher, guidance counselor, and mentor for new teachers. April is also the author of “Big Boys Do Cry: Why May Affair with Frankie Valli Matters” which is set to release in 2015. Learn more about April Kirkwood by visiting or by Subscribing to her new Youtube Series AprilofCourse.