Cupid's Pulse Article: Why You Shouldn’t Buy Her a Ring for the HolidaysCupid's Pulse Article: Why You Shouldn’t Buy Her a Ring for the Holidays

By Marina Sbrochi for

Hey, guys: Do you feel pressured by all the engagement ring ads you see on TV, billboards, radio and magazines?  If you don’t cough up two months’ salary are you less than a man?  Is someone putting the high pressure on you to get her a ring for the holidays?  Are her parents giving you the stink eye every time you come over and don’t ask her father for her hand? Is she dropping hints like, “I really like round diamonds better than emerald cut, you know, in case you were wondering.”

Here are three reasons to skip the little velvet box presentation at Christmas, Hanukkah, at a big family gathering, over hot cocoa, on New Year’s, while ice skating or on a carriage ride through the city.

1. Diamonds shouldn’t be produced out of pressure

NEVER EVER EVER do anything because you feel pressured to do it!  You don’t need to buy anyone a ring.  Are you feeling the pressure because you are inundated with ads telling you that you would be a lesser man if you didn’t come through with the latest four stone, fancy cut engagement ring this year?  They’ve got your number my friend.  They know your girlfriend is watching. They know she looks at those beautiful rings in the magazines that she ever so “carefully” leaves open on the table.

You only buy someone a ring if they are the love of your life. You only buy them a ring if can’t live without them.  Then and only then do you put your hard earned cash down for an engagement ring.

I won’t even go into the fact that diamonds aren’t rare and they are crazy overpriced. That’s another story.

2. Holiday engagements are so cliche

A ring for the holidays is so predictable. Be original, dude.  If she really is the love of your life, make the engagement a surprise!  Don’t give it as a holiday gift.  Don’t be cheap and think, “Hey, I was going to buy her a ring anyway, might as well make it a gift and I don’t have to give her something else.”  Don’t be that guy. Step outside the box and put yourself in her shoes.  She’s seen the ads, she wants something special.  Pick some time when she really won’t expect it and make it memorable. Remember, it is not to be combined with another gift or event  00 so her birthday is off limits, too.

3.  Timing is everything (and nothing)

Most woman have a magic number in their heads of how long they will wait until the ultimatum pops out.  For some it is a year, some three years.  I say phooey!  Let me explain: I definitely think you need to date someone for at least a year at a minimum before you even think about marriage.

However, there is no magic number to feel like you want to spend the rest of your life with someone.  If you aren’t feeling it by year two, she probably isn’t it for you.  Just because you have dated for two years does not mean you have to come up with a ring.  This is the completely wrong reason!  If she doesn’t do it for you – do her a favor and break up with her.  No one wants to be a consolation prize.

That being said, if she is the love of your life and it’s going on five years and she wants to get married but you aren’t feeling the ring, you need to ask yourself why.  Do you not want to be married?  That’s cool, if she’s cool with it.  But if she isn’t, and you still feel she is the one, there are definitely bigger issues at hand. Seek some professional help to sort it out.

I’m not against engagement or marriage or this whole ring thing.  I am against doing it for the wrong reasons.  If you feel forced or pressured, you may end up with divorce papers and that ring will be at the pawn shop.  Do both of yourselves a favor and propose ONLY if she is the love of your life!

Did you get engaged at the holidays? Would you advise it to someone else? Share your comments below.