Cupid's Pulse Article: Breaking Up Without Breaking DownCupid's Pulse Article: Breaking Up Without Breaking Down

By Dr. Tranquility — Lydia Belton, PhD, Ct. H.A.

While breaking up is a part of dating, going back to a single life can be scary.  It’s time to stop worrying about lost love and start taking care of yourself. By enjoying life and staying positive, you’ll climb out of this rut in no time. As Russell Brand told host Liz Hayes. “Sometimes it goes well, sometimes it don’t. But if you sort of sense there’s an incompatibility, then in any relationship, regardless of the status of the individual, it kind of is best to go separate ways.”

Here are four tips to help you get back on the horse and have fun while doing it. Let’s start with our post breakup tips.

Related Link: Letting Go of Past Loves

1. Don’t call them under any circumstances

Once more, don’t call them under any circumstances. If you’re a woman – and you know who you are – just say no. We have a need to communicate our feelings. It is our way of processing. This is not as true for men. Write a simple e-mail, which states your feelings factually without gushing. Keep it as short as possible. Using bullet points can be helpful to keep you on point. If it truly has been a loving relationship they will eventually call you, if only to say hello and wrap up any loose ends. At this point, you may be concerned it will be too late.  You will be looking ahead to a new relationship.  It may very well be too late. That is their problem, they blew it. This is why you don’t sit around pining!

Related Link: 6 Things Women Should Never Do In A Divorce

2. Occupy your darn time

Book yourself  up continuously. Now is a great time to hang with friends, go to dinner, go to the movies, stay home and watch your favorite show with the girls and, even better, popcorn. Try wine tastings, spas and gallery events. You name it! It’s also good to hang out with your male friends. Get some of that testosterone energy to keep you strong and reduce the sobbing. You will be less tempted to call him as well.

3. Date like crazy

Dating like crazy accomplishes two goals. One, it keeps you busy. Two, it releases PEA and endorphins. This works particularly well for women. You’ll feel more secure, sexy and desirable. This shifts your attention off of him and back to you where it belongs. You will do far less pouting, and because your self esteem is stronger, you will get over your old flame far more quickly. So log into a dating site, go see a  matchmaker, write a personal advert and let all your girlfriends know you are single so they can fix you up. Now, you may not be that attracted to some of these guys. Some you may not like that much, and a couple not at all. The point of this exercise is to get you out and about again. One thing I can promise is if you sit at home pining the only men you are going to meet are doing pizza and Chinese delivery. Even if your former romance is gorgeous, he’s probably not the one for you.

4. Take advantage of quiet time

Know there will be some quiet times.  When you find yourself with peaceful moments, try meditation on for size. Do this whenever possible and visualize positive thoughts: times and relationships that are supportive and loving. This past one wasn’t, or you would still be together. Having more time with your thoughts isn’t bad!

Remember, you deserve to have someone in your life who is caring, honest and faithful to the terms of your relationship. Take solace in the fact you’re free from guy problems for awhile.  You are now set to find the right person and have a good time finding him.

Developed by Lydia Belton PhD, Ct.H.A. of, Date Therapy® is an effective protocol that helps people get in touch with their criteria for an ideal mate. DrTranquility’s protocols® have been featured most recently on & Yahoo,, ABC’s the View, KISS FM,, Metromix for the Chicago Tribune, British Glamour, REDBOOK, Cosmopolitan Magazine & promoted by