Cupid's Pulse Article: ‘The Bachelorette’ Season 8, Episode 9: The Dos and Don’ts of MasculinityCupid's Pulse Article: ‘The Bachelorette’ Season 8, Episode 9: The Dos and Don’ts of Masculinity

By Marni Kinrys, of

OMG I was totally shocked last night when Emily Maynard did not pick Sean Lowe. I totally thought that Jef Holm was going to be sent packing. My husband and I were watching the show (he will deny it if ever asked), and both of us thought that it was going to be Arie Luyendyk and Sean for sure. I actually think my husband has a crush on Sean based on how disappointed he was that this “solid man” was not selected.

After the show ended, my husband and I got into a discussion about masculinity and what it means. The conversation was sparked from my husband commenting on Sean being so solid and then telling me how his exit speech would go. Strange, I know.

In the past, most people would define masculinity as being the Alpha Male: strong, aggressive, fearless, dominant. Today, though, the definition is a little different. And thank goodness for that. Today’s modern masculinity includes balanced men. Men that can listen but also speak. They can be assertive and not aggressive. They can express emotion without being emotional. I like to call these men “nice guys with an edge.”

Related: The Bachelorette Season 8, Episode 7: How to Express Your Love

During last night’s episode, I have never seen more amazing examples of the modern masculinity – especially when dealing with the whole “forgo your fantasy suite” scenario.


I loved it when Jef literally took the words out of Emily’s mouth and nobly said, “Out of respect for our families, I don’t think it’s a good idea to use this key.” It was not a tactic to get Emily to want him more. It was genuine and real and masculine. A non-masculine man would have had his sex goggles on, unable to think about the full picture. But Jef is a solid, good man that knows what’s important and is willing to wait so that everyone is comfortable. Amazing!

Related: Bachelorette Season 8, Episode 6: The Dos and Don’ts of Trusting Your Gut


Sean also displayed his modern masculinity on his date when he opened up to Emily about what he wants and what he envisions for their future together. He had the perfect balance of being vulnerable and strong. His words were precise and real. You could tell that he had actually put serious thought into the potential scenario. In fact, he even stated that he did in his exit ride.


Now, I know Arie didn’t get a chance to turn down his fantasy suite offer, but his statements on how to form relationships with children won me over last night. Again, a man who has taken the time to think about the full picture.  He is not just thinking about getting the girl. He’s thinking about starting a life together as a family.

Seeing these three guys makes me even happier that guys like Ryan are no longer suitors on ‘The Bachelorette.’ Emily has landed herself two solid and strong options for a future husband, and I know this final decision will be especially tough for her.

For all the men that are reading this blog, watch the next episode of the show and take note of the two finalists. These guys are examples of modern masculine men – they’re what all women want!