Cupid's Pulse Article: It’s Time to Stop Asking, ‘When Will It Be My Turn?’Cupid's Pulse Article: It’s Time to Stop Asking, ‘When Will It Be My Turn?’

By Danae Matthews

The short answer is, I have no idea.  I have no idea when you will meet your significant other, if you will be bound to singledom the rest of your life, or if you will in fact run into your future spouse on the train today.  Any of these scenarios has a chance of happening.

Recently, I was reading a book that suggested that if you’re single, it’s probably because you just haven’t met “the one” yet.  It said that if you’re currently single, you should stop thinking about it and rest assured knowing that love and commitment just hadn’t happened yet.  If you tend to be annoying, no worries, because there is still someone for you.  Are you emotionally unavailable?  According to the book, one day your prince will come.

Although I don’t necessarily want to believe that certain people are bound to live their lives in solidarity, I also think that ignoring the possibility of it happening is ill-advised.  I mean, it could happen.

The thing is, the idea that the reason you aren’t in a relationship is because “it just hasn’t happened yet” buys into beliefs about fate, omnipotent planning and the notion that everyone has a soul-mate.  Although those beliefs are beautiful, I wouldn’t be so fast to take the bait.  Let’s face it: No one would give that advice about your career, physical appearance or personal achievements.  If the “it just hasn’t happened” way of thinking isn’t good enough for the things that take real effort, why would it ever be good enough for your love life?

There’s going to come a time where you may have to take an inward look as to why it is you are dateless.  Maybe you’re insecure, too loud or maybe you smell.  There’s a great chance you have halitosis, and no one has ever told you about it.  Seriously, your breath may wreak!  By re-evaluating yourself, you are ensuring that when you meet people you are presenting the most put together, emotionally sound and happy version of yourself.

Regardless, anything worthwhile is going to take at least a minute amount of effort on your part.  You have to be willing and able to put the work into your love life if you want to be in love.  You may have to get off the couch, and go out on the weekends or attend therapy sessions.  You may have to stop dominating every conversation in which you participate.  The bottom line is, you may have to really put yourself out there.

Getting yourself together in hopes of getting a date is sure to benefit your life in multiple ways.  You’ll value yourself more and will therefore make better decisions about who to date in the first place.  Basically, you’re telling the world, “Look at me. I’m fabulous! No smelly breath here!”

The bottom line is that you have to stop sitting around wondering, “When will it be my turn?”  Instead, get out there and really try.  It’s going to be scary, and at times it will probably suck.  Nothing good in life was accomplished without trying, so in the meantime, embrace being single and enjoy the time you have dating around!

Danae Matthews writes for the on-line women’s health resource Women’s Health Base.