Cupid's Pulse Article: How to Master Being in a RelationshipCupid's Pulse Article: How to Master Being in a Relationship

By Nan O’Brien

As a professional Spiritual Teacher and Intuitive Counselor, I am always asked, “When will I meet the right person?” You may think of yourself as a failure unless you are in a happy, committed relationship. You may feel you aren’t attractive, funny, sexy, or smart enough. Ultimately, it all boils down to one question in your head: “What’s wrong with me?”

The good news is, the answer is “nothing”!  The most common reason people do not find happiness in relationships is because they have trouble learning the intuitive life lesson of balance. It can be tough to tell if this problem is at the root of your relationship issue. Ask yourself these questions:

Do you always feel you must take care of others? Do you feel guilty if you put yourself first? Are you attracted to partners who have had problems in prior relationships? Do you work at making your partner feel loved, while at the same time doubting if he or she feels as strongly as you do? Do your significant others go on to be in healthy relationships with others after leaving you?

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If you answered “yes” to any or all of these questions, you gravitate toward the emotionally unavailable person, and your relationships are based on need instead of want. The reason for this confusion is that feeling needed is often disguised as feeling loved. You give your all, hoping that it will somehow come back to you. You believe you must convince the other person you won’t abandon them like everyone else has. You look for reasons that prove your partner cares (the smallest gesture seems huge), and you make excuses for what they don’t do. You defend your lover to your friends and family, while deluding yourself. You know something isn’t right, but you’re so busy saving the other person that you lose yourself.

The key to the intuitive balance lesson is to learn how to give and receive.  Before you can be in a relationship with others, you must first be in a relationship with yourself. This is not the same thing as being alone — because anyone can be alone!  Being in a relationship with yourself means treating yourself as wonderfully as you treat others. Think about how much time, energy, and financial resources you spend on your partner in a relationship. Have you ever spent that much on yourself? You deserve the best of you; and you cannot give your best to others, or receive from them, until you have learned how to give your best to yourself.

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Once you have mastered being in a relationship with yourself, your energy shifts. You’ll not attract, nor be attracted to, relationships that are unhealthy and need-based; you will resonate with partners who are able to give and receive, paving the way for a healthy and fulfilling want-based relationship.

The intuitive balance lesson is the key to successful and sustainable relationships. The timing is determined by you and how quickly you embrace being in a relationship with yourself. You’ll find the perfect partner if you start by nurturing the one you already have — YOU!


Nan O’Brien is a nationally-known Spiritual Teacher and Intuitive Counselor. She has hosted her own nationally-syndicated radio show and appears regularly on radio stations throughout the U.S.; is a frequent contributing columnist for websites and news outlets; has authored numerous non-fiction books; and is a sought-after public speaker. In addition, she conducts personal phone appointments. For more information, please visit