Cupid's Pulse Article: Why Amazing Confident Women Remain SingleCupid's Pulse Article: Why Amazing Confident Women Remain Single

By Amber Soletti

As a dating expert and resident NYC single gal who runs speed dating and singles events, I’ve always found it interesting that the majority of my super attractive, sexually confident and financially independent single girlfriends are those who seem to remain forever single.

I’ve always wondered why guys wouldn’t want to be with these women, and after years of thinking about it, I think I’ve finally figured it out:

The “Good Girl” Phenomenon

Some common complaints from my guy friends are that they’ve “never dated a girl with money,” or that “they never have sex because their girlfriend never wants to.”  When I ask why they’re with their girlfriends, they almost always say she’s “nice” or “a good girl.”

Upon meeting these lovely females, they always strike me as your average, “girl next door” type chicks that are usually not working, or have a modest career at best.  Personally speaking, they’re pretty darn boring.  I’ve never understood why my friends would choose to be with these women, especially when they confide in me about what their relationships are really like.

The Revelation

It took a while to figure it out, but I have finally come to the conclusion that men by nature are often insecure, whether it’s sparked by penis size, athletic/sexual prowess, finances or height.  Many men are full of self-doubt, which I believe can drive them to cheat in relationships.

They constantly have to re-assure themselves that they’ve “still got it” and are desired by other women.  They make the decision to be with “good girls,” because they don’t have to worry about being cheated on, but at the same time the women they’re with won’t satisfy their needs in the bedroom.  It’s messed up.

Due to their insecure nature, these men could NEVER be with what I call, the “crazy, sexy, cool” girls.  Why?  Because she doesn’t “need them” for anything.

The Dilemma

Are we in high school or are we adults?  If two adults get together and really enjoy each other’s company, what does it matter if they hook-up on the first date or the fifth?  It shouldn’t, but for all of these insecure men out there, they rationalize, “If she slept with me on the first date, she’s sleeping with everyone on the first date and I know this girl goes out with a lot of dudes.”

These girls are instantly being deemed the CSC girls and NOT girlfriend material.


The Answer

Should you tone it down, dress more conservatively, play the nice girl role and avoid making out  with a guy on the first date?  Should you  wait a few dates before you have sex?

Yes, ladies, that’s exactly what you should do…if you’re cool with being in a relationship with one of these “insecure” guys who will most likely end up cheating on you.

I don’t have all of the answers, but at least I’ve realized the problem.  And for the record, I do know of CSC girls that have eventually found love.

To wrap it up, here’s my dating advice: with all of the ‘smoke and mirrors’ that men put out, it’s hard to say if we’re ever seeing things clearly, but at the end of the day I truly believe that knowing is half the battle.  The quicker you can see things for what they are, the less likely you are to be disappointed, hurt or wasting valuable time.  Be aware of your male surroundings at all times, always try to know where you stand and NEVER settle.  The good news is that timing really is everything, and all it takes is one good guy!