Relationship Advice: How to Overcome the Fear of Abandonment

On this week’s Single in Stilettos dating advice video, founder and relationship expert Suzanne Oshima talks to love and dating coach Jaki Sabourin about how to overcome the fear of abandonment. Watch the video above for their best relationship advice!

Relationship Advice to Help You Overcome Fears of Abandonment!

1. Are you abandoning yourself? Sabourin believes that we all have a fear of abandonment that traces back to our childhood. It’s normal, she assures viewers. “We continue to perpetuate that fear into adulthood by abandoning ourselves.” Though you’ve heard the advice before, it’s worth repeating: you have to be your own best friend. “Nurture that part of yourself that feels alone,” Sabourin says, “It’s self-parenting. You’ll feel whole again.”

Related Link: Dating Advice Video: Stop Attracting Emotionally Unavailable Men

2. Stop taking things personally: Things go wrong when dating. We often second-guess why the guy wouldn’t call us back or why it’s taking so long to get a response. “You’re only responsible for half of the equation,” Sabourin reminds viewers. “Don’t blame yourself.” Self-blame stems from an attachment to a desired outcome. When you expect certain results from your dates, you take responsibility for things outside of your control. The best way to end this cycle is by just enjoying dates and releasing expectations. Without expectations, you’re less likely to blame yourself for when things go wrong.

Related Link: Dating Advice: Manifesting the Right Man?

3. Take responsibility for your emotions: Ultimately, fears will be present, but how you handle them will effect outcomes. If you worry about abandonment before it’s happened, Oshima warns that you can sabotage a relationship. Sabourin advises that by taking ownership of your emotions, you can learn healthy ways of processing failures and fears and work towards your dream relationship. Sabourin warns, “Ignoring emotions creates a beach-ball affect: you can push the ball underwater, but at some point it will come back up with force.” Start by accepting what you are feeling, allow yourself to feel it, and then release those emotions. You’ll heal faster.

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