By Dr. Jane Greer
People in distance relationships, whether by choice or necessity, are able to have success with a great deal of effort and flexibility. In order to make the relationship work, there must be s a strong desire to be together, and a willingness between both partners to make room for each other’s respective needs. However, love does not conquer all, regardless if you are a celebrity or not.
Is it possible to find a resolution? Read on for more relationship advice:
Recently, celebrity couple Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux announced their celebrity divorce after two years of marriage, stating it was a mutual decision to part ways. While Aniston and Theroux love and respect each other, they said they simply couldn’t agree on a lifestyle that worked for each other. This is a common issue couples may face: you can love someone, and still desire to live differently than them, or even desire to live in an entirely different place than them.
Splits like the one between Aniston and Theroux are often caused by the inability to find the middle ground when trying to successfully make a home in the same place. Compromise is hard enough for two people who live under the same roof, but when partners are separated by differing work schedules or physical office placement, compromise can be extremely challenging. The key to keeping the peace is to commit to a place together, making sure that both partners are happy and do not feel as though they have sacrificed their happiness and well-being.
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So, if you’re in a long distance relationship right now, what should you consider before packing up your life and moving to a new place with your significant other, to best guarantee a successful outcome? How can you be sure you or your partner are sacrificing enough, without negatively impacting your relationship?
Above all, you and your partner must be in love. This is the most important box to check, as it gives each of you the ability to be open to change because you’ll be with your loved one. While this is a starting point, it might not be enough, as we saw with Jennifer and Justin. When deciding to take the plunge, be sure to ask yourself: do you actually like the place you’re moving to? Will it take away your happiness?
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Here’s some food for thought. If one of you lives in a sunny place, but the other one simply hates the sun, or if one of you lives in a rural community and the other thrives on city life, where to move might not be an easy choice to make. If all your friends live in your current town, would you resent moving away from them to be with your love? Think about how all of this might affect your day-to-day life, mood, and eventually, your relationship. If, on the other hand, your partner lives in New York City, a place you’ve always wanted live, great! Leaving your loved ones behind won’t matter as much. Talk to your partner and hash out the details. A temporary move might not be a deal breaker. A permanent one may be, though.
It is most important to think about your relationship, what it means to you, and where you can find happiness and friends in your new home. Is this decision mutual? Do each of you want it as much as the other? Does moving mean you’re ready to take the next step towards engagement?
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It is also important to consider the strength of your connection, especially during the triumphs and tribulations. Up until now, most of the time you’ve spent together was special and seemingly perfect. (It’s called the honeymoon phase for a reason!) You have probably tried to be on your best behavior at all times to maintain the picturesque image. Once you move, it will be more difficult to keep up the guise.
Ultimately, if you are moving for the right reasons; for love and for openness to adventure, it is less likely that you will feel as though you have lost yourself. What really helps is when you are connected with a partner who has similar aspirations, wants, likes, and needs. In the end it, it should not feel like either of you are sacrificing your “me” to be a “we.” This wasn’t possible for Jennifer and Justin, but hopefully they can both move forward and find happiness apart.
Tune in to the Doctor on Call radio hour on HealthyLife.net every Tuesday at 2 PM EST, 11 AM PST. First and third Tuesdays are Shrink Wrap on Call, second Tuesdays are HuffPost on Call, and the last Tuesday of the month is Let’s Talk Sex! Email your questions dealing with relationships, intimacy, family, and friendships to Dr. Greer at askdrjane@drjanegreer.com. Connect with Dr. Jane Greer on Facebook, at www.facebook.com/DrJaneGreer, and be sure to follow @DrJaneGreer on Twitter for her latest insights on love, relationships, sex, and intimacy. For more on Dr. Greer, visit http://www.drjanegreer.com.
