By Dr. Jane Greer
Miles Teller revealed how he proposed to now-fiancee Keleigh Sperry. He said, “This is the day you became my girlfriend and today was the last day you woke up as my girlfriend.” While some may interpret this as cute and romantic, others may be thrown off by the cryptic message. The mention that it was the last day she was going to be his girlfriend might sound more like a break-up at first. Of course, they were on a romantic luxury African Safari, and if there was a moment of concern for Keleigh, it quickly passed. The complicated details of their becoming engaged does draw attention to the fact that there has been a noticeable shift in marriage proposals over time. They have gone from a basic “Will you marry me?” to a sometimes overthought extravaganza, and everything in between. The pressure of social media, and the desire to share something memorable and over-the-top has only served to fuel the urge to one-up the next person. It is no longer just the element of surprise, but now more men feel the need to have a build up to the question, as Miles did, or be wildly creative in the way they propose.
Whether it’s a celebrity relationship or not, is it still okay to simply ask, “will you marry me,” and offer a ring?
There is so much to consider as one moves toward that all-important question. As the woman waits for the moment, the man is often wrestling with all sorts of other concerns: is he ready to get married? Is he settled and established enough in his career? Does he even want to settle down and have a family? Will they be able to agree as a couple about where to live? Now, though, in addition to all of that the man is also dealing with planning the actual proposal itself and the intense responsibility to make that good enough. We hear about it all the time, the guy who took his girlfriend for a flight in a small plane and looked down at a field where “Will you be my wife?” was written in huge letters. Or the man who proposed on live television, or at the ballgame on the jumbotron. It isn’t just about the size of the ring anymore. It has become about getting a great ring AND conceiving and implementing an event so amazing it will make a big splash on Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat. That is enough to stymie anyone.
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So what do you do if your boyfriend doesn’t buy in to all the hype, and simply presents to you a basic, no-nonsense proposal with a ring and a question? If you love him, and want to spend the rest of your life with him, say yes! Rather than feeling disappointed that it wasn’t a splashier moment like some of your friends posted on their social media sites, remember what is important and at the core of what is going on here. The person you love just asked you to be his princess and go the ball with him for the rest of his life. It doesn’t get much better than that. It is so easy to lose sight of the actual declaration of love, which can come in the most simple forms.
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The problem with all the sharing and posting is that the audience is so big – beyond the two of you, as well as important friends and family – that it is easy to forget who the most important players are in this game. The truth is, though, that this question and this decision is about only your boyfriend and you. It is about intimacy, and not necessarily about screaming from the rooftops.
Lavish proposals can be lots of fun, of course, but if that isn’t your experience that need not take away from the life-changing exchange that is happening between you. Just as Miles did, each person has to make it his own. With that in mind, focus on what you are gaining, you are officially engaged and on the road to marriage, rather than on what you feel you may have missed out on.
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