On this week’s Single in Stilettos dating advice video, founder and relationship expert Suzanne Oshima talks to relationship author Robert Manni to discuss how women sabotage themselves with men and offer their best relationship advice. Here are five ways that women sabotage themselves when looking for love.
Relationship Author Gives Dating Advice
1. You’re not in it to win it: You may say you want to find love, but instead of going out to a new spot where you can actually meet someone, you find yourself in a routine of dinner at home and TV time. “You have to put yourself out there. You have to be willing to fail to be able to succeed,” Manni explains.
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2. You’re always plugged in: Put your phone down! If you’re walking around New York City with your earbuds in and music blaring, you’re presenting yourself as closed off and unavailable. It’s hard for a guy to ask an open-ended question or chat you up when you’re walled off through technology. Oshima adds, “Those are barriers to meeting someone organically.”
3. You’re not fishing where the fish are: “Go where the guys are!” the relationship author says. You can find guys are at sporting events, at the football field, at a tech store, at a whiskey tasting, or at the gym. Think about your brother and his friends — where do they often go?
4. You’re always with a group of girlfriends: It’s no secret that a pack of women can be overwhelming! Guys are wondering how to handle the group dynamics and just focus on the woman they’re truly interested in. Instead, make it easier for them and single yourself out.
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5. You’re too attached to your list: This is one of the most important ways that women sabotage themselves. “If you stick too closely to your list, you’re going to narrow down your opportunities,” Manni explains. “And the longer you’re single, the longer your list grows.” Make sure your list only includes a few core qualities that are value-oriented and be flexible about your physical type.
A bonus way that women sabotage themselves with men: You throw someone back in the dating pool too quickly. One bad coffee date does not mean the relationship is doomed! “Love grows if you keep an open heart,” the relationship author says. “It can turn into something spectacular if you give love a chance.”
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