Cupid's Pulse Article: Relationship Advice: Post-Engagement BehaviorCupid's Pulse Article: Relationship Advice: Post-Engagement Behavior

By Dr. Jane Greer

Only a few short months after former child star Lindsay Lohan and fiancé Egor Tarabasov professed their love for each other with an engagement, it appears there’s trouble in celebrity couple paradise. Lindsay shared a series of posts on social media recently, including a video on Instagram of her fiancé in a club, which she captioned “Home?” She posted another shot with the caption, “Thanks for not coming home tonight. Fame changes people.”

After you get engaged, taking that next step in your relationship, the expectation is that you will both live up to your new commitment and want to spend even more time together building your new life. What happens, though, when just the opposite seems to be taking place, and what might it mean for your future?

Sometimes it isn’t such a clear path from getting engaged to getting married. For some people, undertaking such a big change and lifelong responsibility can cause people to question their choices and judgment, basically asking, did I make the right decision? That concern and insecurity can trigger their fears and hamper their ability to move forward. As one partner might be looking to be more involved and connected than ever, the other, questioning partner might actually be pulling away and become less available, spending more time elsewhere and possibly even dabbling in activities that can cause jealousy and trust issues. These actions, however, can often be more of a statement of the trepidation that becoming engaged conjures up, rather than a reflection of their true feelings for their partner.

If this happens to you, whether you are on the side of needing more space or the side of wondering what is going on with your fiancé, the most important thing to do is have a conversation with each other to explore the feelings that were triggered by this huge, life-changing event. Leave room to talk about misgivings and insecurities, even if that is difficult, so that at least you have an opportunity to express your concerns with the hope that they don’t weigh you down and pull you apart permanently.

Another piece of relationship advice is to seek counseling to address whatever might be getting in the way of your future happiness. Talking to someone about this can help you determine if you jumped into the engagement prematurely, and the best thing to do would be to postpone the wedding or even walk away, or if it is just a temporary setback that can be fixed. Given Lindsay and Egor’s apparent break-up, this might be a helpful step. This is a way to work through the tough time and have a better understanding of each other, know you are able to share your fears and conflicts, and perhaps move toward a happy ending.

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