By Whitney Johnson

On this week’s Single in Stilettos dating advice video, founder and relationship expert Suzanne Oshima talks to relationship author Wendy Newman to discuss what to do when a man disappears and offer their best expert dating advice. “It’s heartbreaking; it’s horrible because you don’t get closure,” Oshima says. Here, Newman shares why men often disappear and the best ways to handle this devastating dating occurrence.

Relationship Author Wendy Newman Shares Expert Dating Advice

First, there are two main culprits for why he just disappears. Let’s say you have an amazing time together and you can tell he’s just as into you as you are to him. Then, suddenly, he’s gone. “What I’m guessing happened is, he got home and started reconciling all of the conversations that you had,” Newman explains. “He could see that there was a dealbreaker in there that didn’t stop him in the moment because you are so charming and enchanting. But after he came down from the high of the date, he thought, “Oh, shoot.” Men don’t call again because they feel like they don’t owe us anything because there’s no relationship yet. “They think they’re doing us a favor by just disappearing,” the relationship author adds. “They don’t understand how that drives us insane.”

Related Link: Expert Dating Advice: Be a Fantastic Date for Anyone!

Another reason he may disappear is because, although he thinks you’re wonderful, it’s just not the right time for a serious relationship. He sees that you’re the whole package — a delicious, gourmet meal — but all he has an appetite for right now is ice cream. Newman emphasizes that “timing is a big piece of dating.”

Since you may never know why he really disappeared, Newman suggests making up the most empowering interpretation of the situation, giving yourself the closure you need to move on. In her personal experience, sometimes, this made-up interpretation can turn out to be true! Most importantly, remember that the reason why men disappear usually has nothing to do with you. Keep reminding yourself of your self-worth — maybe, just maybe, you were simply too good for him.

Related Link: Dating Advice Video: Don’t Be a Rules Girl!

If you still need to alleviate some heartache, draft an e-mail to him and thank him for all of the parts of him and the date that you found enjoyable and memorable. Tell him that you had a great time with him and let him know that you understand there must not have been a connection for him. You don’t have to hit send — just do whatever you need to do to feel better. “Don’t have any expectations — you may get a response, and you may not,” Oshima says. “Either way, you just have to let it go and move on.”

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