By Whitney Johnson

On this week’s Single in Stilettos dating advice video, founder and relationship expert Suzanne Oshima talks to relationship author Duana Welch about their best expert dating advice for women for moving a stagnant relationship to commitment. “You don’t get this question a lot from guys because they’re in the pursuer role,” Welch explains. So ladies, listen up!

Relationship Expert Duana Welch Shares Her Tips for Commitment

It’s not as simple as just asking him. It’s tempting to approach him directly with your concern, but Welch encourages you to avoid doing so. “Studies show that guys move you from the possible Mrs. Right category to the Mrs. Right Now category when you do that,” the relationship author warns. “They think you’re low status, that you don’t have any other options.” So how can you move your relationship forward?

Related Link: Expert Dating Advice: Times Women Say ‘Yes’ But Shouldn’t

1. Become slightly less available: This piece of dating advice doesn’t give you an excuse to be mean or ugly to him. Instead, if he calls and you’re in the middle of something, wait a day and then call him back. Be super friendly and warm and simply explain that you were busy. “Let him hear the smile in your voice,” Welch explains. “Men want to make you happy — they feel like crap when they make you unhappy. Pair being slightly less available with being really rewarding to be with when you’re present.”

2. Test commitment with jealousy: “This is really unpopular — boy, have I received some hate mail from men!” Welch shares. But creating jealousy can be a good thing. Among women who create jealous intentionally in a male partner, it’s usually because she didn’t know if he cared or how much he cared. For instance, by accepting a date with someone else, you can easily gauge how it makes a guy feel. “If you do that and he doesn’t care, then he doesn’t care. It’s a really accurate litmus test,” says the relationship author.

Related Link: Dating Advice Video: Dealing With Dating Burnout

3. Avoid ultimatums: Both Oshima and Welch feel strongly that you should never give a man an ultimatum. “It will backfire on you. Even if he goes along with it, he’ll feel like he’s backed into a corner, and he’ll probably rebel later on,” Oshima explains. “It’s always better if he comes to a decision on his own.”

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