On this week’s episode of Single in Stilettos, founder and matchmaker Suzanne Oshima talks about the language of love with relationship expert Nicole Moore who provides dating advice on the three defining ways men show you that they are unavailable for a relationship.

Expert Dating Advice: Three Signs He is Unavailable

Similar to many readers, relationship problems are not foreign to the dating experts. For Moore, to solve her own woes and to provide others with dating advice, she developed a knack for love. “After enough pain, I got fed up and thought ‘I’m going to figure out how to make love work’ and I devoted my life to learning about love, how to love well and I figured out love is skill like anything else. It’s a learnable skill,” the expert shares. “When you know how to do the skill of love right you can have an amazing loving relationship.” Here are three signs that the guy you’re in to just isn’t available.

1. He tells you. If he says he isn’t  looking for a relationship, or work is his priority, or his profile states that he’s  just looking for friends and fun, take the hint. Regardless of these overt cues, women think he will commit to a loving relationship with them. “Look at what he is saying rather than what you are desiring or the fantasy that you made up in your mind,” Moore says. Pay attention to him and the way he talks about relationships; if he shows any of the signs above, it is very unlikely that man is available to you for a relationship.

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2. Is he present? When you’re with him what’s his energy like? Is it focused on you? Is he uncomfortable? Is he looking around, checking his phone and making you feel as if he isn’t fully with you? “The reason people aren’t present on the deeper level is because there is stuff inside of them they haven’t dealt with yet. They can’t hang out in their body, they have to go to their heads,” Moore says. Dating tip: Once he faces enough of his inner demons, he’ll make you feel like you’re the only two in the room and he’s ready to make the two of you a happy item.

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3. How does he talk about women in general? If he talks negatively about women or talks negatively about his acts in the past he’s not ready for you yet. He is either not over his exes or could have preconceived notions of women that are unfavorable and these two factors will prevent him from giving himself to you fully or at all. “He’s going to hold himself back because he’s actually afraid that women are going to hurt him,” Moore reveals.

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