On this week’s episode of the Single in Stilettos show, founder of the dating advice site and matchmaker Susanne Oshima chats with intimacy and relationship coach Iris Benrubi to discuss why, even though you’re doing everything you can to find love, it’s just not working. 

Dating Advice to Help You Find Love

As a counseling psychologist, Benrubi set out on a mission to help others become emotionally intimate with themselves, which in turn allows them to foster more deeply connected relationships. In the video above, she shares her three best pieces of dating advice to help you find The One: 

1. Do what you love: By going out and doing what you love, you might just meet someone who loves doing the same thing. “If you can actually learn to go out there and do things that you love and have a great life and be open to meeting a man in those situations, not only will you attract a healthier man, but you’ll also attract a man with the same qualities you have,” the dating expert explains. In doing so, you’ll appear to be a whole and satisfied woman, which will attract a fulfilled man. A guy doesn’t want to feel responsible for your happiness; instead, he wants to be the one who enhances it. Or as Benrubi says, “He wants to be the icing on the cake, but he doesn’t want to be the cake.”

Related Link: Kris Jenner Gives Her Best Dating Advice

2. Notice how you communicate with a man: Complaining? Again? If he hasn’t already tuned you out, he’s going to — and then, your relationship may become a thing of the past. Men don’t want to listen to complaints; they want to feel valued in their relationship. Focus on what he does well and make it known to him that he is succeeding with you. “If you want a good man to hang around, you want to let him know he’s making a difference to the quality of your life,” Benrubi shares.

Related Link: Expert Dating Advice on How To Flirt With Men

3. Get in touch with your feminine side: A woman needs to let down her masculine walls to allow a potential partner, the bearer of masculinity, to step in and contribute to her life. The dating expert explains that single women often become too self-sufficient, taking on both masculine and feminine roles. As a woman in a relationship, allow the masculine behaviors to be passed on to your special someone. Ask him to help you lift that heavy box or change that light bulb — he’ll get fulfillment, and you get to watch!

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What’s your best dating advice for finding love? Tell us in the comments below!