By David Wygant

I’ve got a confession for you: I’ve always been quick to say the L word. I finally learned, though, that doing so leads to the quick destruction of your relationship and love, and I’m going to explain why.

Relationship Expert Discusses Saying “I Love You” For the First Time

According to my expert dating advice, telling somebody you love them shouldn’t be taken lightly. As a matter of fact, it’s a very serious thing to say to somebody. The problem is, too many of us throw “I love you” around too quickly, and that’s because we’re in love with the idea of who we think someone is.

Every time I thought I was in love, I was always in love with the idea of that person. I loved the way they looked; I loved the way they smelled; I loved the way they spoke. I loved what I thought they were all about. The myth of being in love is the key here. You see, when we think we know somebody, we fall in love with the idea of what we actually think they are.

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We’re all guilty of it. We tend not to listen when people usually tell us exactly who they are. So let’s go a little deeper right now, and talk about the L word.

When you meet somebody and you think you’re in love with them, it’s your thoughts that you love. You’re deeply intoxicated and love drunk, under the powerful drug called chemistry.

I remember my last relationship and love. I was so in love with her, that I was blinded to who she really was. She wasn’t a bad person. She was actually a good person, but she wasn’t my special person. I put the L word out there and told her I loved her quickly — and that changed everything. She immediately felt like she could do no wrong.

Here was this great man that told her how much he loved her after only three weeks. Six months later, when the relationship was on rocky ground and I started expressing my needs, wants, and desires, she had no idea what to do. She thought I was happy the whole time because I told her how much I loved her over and over again.

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The right time to tell someone new that you love them is when you really get to know them. You get to know who they are; you get to know their faults; you get to know what they’re about. When you know that they make you feel loved, wanted, and desired, then it’s time.

I’m going to say it again: The L word is not something you should throw around lightly. That will get you into trouble. So I strongly suggest you follow this expert dating advice: Take 90 days to look at your partner, see what they’re all about, and get to know them. See who they are in different situations. See if the feeling of love is real or just chemical.

Give yourself this 90-day challenge and don’t say the L word for the first three months. If the love drunk feeling begins to wear off and you see them for who they really are and you still want to tell them that you love them, go for it.

David Wygant is an internationally-renowned dating and relationship expert, author of the book Naked, and speaker. Through his boot camps, personal coaching, and his website, his love advice has transformed the relationships and love of hundreds of thousands of people from every corner of the globe. 

For more expert relationship advice from David, click here