By Dr. Samuel Barondes, author of Making Sense of People
When we meet someone new, we immediately form a tentative picture of his or her personality. Â We generate this first impression in a matter of seconds, because we need it to guide our initial give and take.
Our amazing ability to rapidly size people up works so well that we continue to rely on it as we get to know the person better.  In doing so, we keep building a more elaborate intuitive impression—an impression that we rarely bother to consciously examine.  Although we may spend hours methodically assessing a new smartphone before deciding what we think of it, our assessment of someone’s personality keeps being made by the seat of our pants.
There are times, though, when we want to consciously think over what we’ve observed.  We may, for example, want to figure out if a person we are dating has the right stuff for a permanent relationship by discussing it with our friends.  But these conversations are often uninformative because few of us have been taught a systematic way to assess personalities.  This limits our ability to come up with a thoughtful appraisal of the person we have in mind, even with the assistance of those who are eager to help us.
