By Cynthia MacGregor for Hope After Divorce
You’ve been divorced a while–maybe six months, maybe more than two years–and nobody better has shown up to tempt you. What’s more, parenting as a solo act has proven to be a heavy burden. And on top of that, the kids haven’t given up pestering you about getting their dad to move “back home.” You’d think by now they’d be used to the new order of things, but no, they’re relentless about wanting Daddy to return. And you’re tired of hearing them “singing the same old song.”
The last time he came to pick them up, you looked him over and started remembering all of his good points–and forgetting all of the bad ones. You remembered how funny he could be, how good he was with the kids, how kind he was to your mother… and you saw how happy the kids were to see him.
Related Link: The EX Word
You remembered the night before, when you’d gotten home from work exhausted and still had to make dinner, supervise homework, get on the kids’ cases about room-cleaning, nag Jeffrey about walking the dog and Jennifer about changing the cat’s litter box. You had to hassle them about bedtime, and once they were finally tucked in, you had to wash up the dinner dishes and start the first of two loads of laundry. By the time you fell into bed, you were too exhausted to fall asleep and had done nothing for pleasure or relaxation all evening.
Oh, how different it would be, you think, if you had a spouse, a partner, a man in your life to help shoulder the burden. (And what a heavy burden it seems at the moment to be.) What about your ex? He had his faults, but he was a good father. There’s no taking that away from him, whatever else there is to say…
Stop right there! “Whatever else there is to say?” What else is there to say? Plenty, I’ll bet, if you think back and give the marriage an honest appraisal! Why did you call it quits in the first place? Not on a whim, I’m sure. You had your reasons, and they were most likely valid ones. Remember?
Now, fast-forward in your mind. Imagine you’ve gotten back together with the man. Imagine how overjoyed the kids are. Imagine how relieved you are–at first–to have help with the kids and in general. Then remember all his faults or flaws, all the reasons you gave up on the marriage in the first place. What has changed? Probably nothing. Now picture yourself asking him to leave–again. Finally, picture the kids’ reaction when Daddy leaves for the second time. Not a happy picture, is it?
Related Link: Must We Remain Friends With Our Ex-Husband?
So, is remarrying your ex the answer to your problems? In all probability, no. Is remarrying your ex going to make your kids happy? In the short term, sure, but in the long term, when he leaves again, definitely not! And thinking that “this time, things will be different” is almost certainly a fantasy.
Reconsidering your ex? Better think twice–not just for your own sake but for the kids’ sake too.
Cynthia MacGregor is a multi-published author. She has over 100 books to her credit. They include “After Your Divorce,” “Divorce Helpbook for Kids,” “Divorce Helpbook for Teens,” “Solo Parenting,” “’Step’ This Way,” and others. Forthcoming books include “The One-Parent Family,” “Why Are Mommy and Daddy Getting Divorced,” and “Daddy Doesn’t Live Here Anymore.” She hosted and produced the TV show “Solo Parenting,” which was broadcast in South Florida over WHDT. Cynthia writes for HopeAfterDivorce.org, FamilyShare.com and LAFamily.com. Contact Cynthia at Cynthia@cynthiamacgregor.com, and visit her website.
