By Matthew and Orna Walters
On a recent episode of Bravo’s The Millionaire Matchmaker, we coached Denise Richards’ father Irv as he re-entered the dating world, five years after the passing of his wife. Irv was concerned about whom he might bring into his family and was obviously a little nervous about dating again. We helped him to get clarity on what he was looking for and what to avoid.
Starting to date again after the end of a long relationship can be a daunting task. We have successfully assisted numerous singles in our relationship coaching practice, and we’re here to help you get over the hump and get back into the game while having fun and learning about yourself.
When you’re looking to go back into the dating world, it is important to know what you desire. Are you looking for a long-term relationship? Perhaps, you’re hoping to get married. Or are you just looking to get your feet wet again? Maybe you’re just curious to see what it’s like out there. Maybe you are just looking to have a good time. Once you define what your desired outcome is, you can set a clear intention that will act as a compass to navigate your journey.
Related: Dating After Divorce: How Soon Is Too Soon?
The most important thing to remember about dating, that most people overlook, is that it is PRACTICE! When you set your mind to this and understand that it is just practice, how does this change your relationship with you?
We often say that hope is the first thing that comes into a relationship, and is often the last thing to go. To take the pressure off and to utilize dating as a great tool for personal growth we have a process we call: Date To Discoverâ„¢.
Related: How to Get Back in the Dating Scene After a Divorce
Rather than placing emphasis on the other person, wondering if they are the right fit for you — turn your attention inward. Start paying attention to your inner dialogue — “What am I saying to myself about myself?” Do you have a negative inner dialogue in response to dating? Or are you saying positive things about yourself and your prospects? Your attitude towards dating will largely determine your results.
Being aware of your inner dialogue will give you the opportunity to make adjustments. For example, if you find that you can easily speak your feelings to someone you’re not attracted to, but find it difficult to do so when there is an attraction, then this is an opportunity to spend some time practicing being emotionally authentic under all circumstances.
When there is a desire for love, most people look for it outside of themselves, yet it must be INSIDE of us in order for it to be mirrored back to us. Ultimately, you cannot say or do the “wrong” thing with the “right person.” So, whether you are looking to date casually, or wish to connect with the love of your life, the best approach is to be true to yourself, not twisting into a pretzel to get love. That way when you are in a committed relationship you’ll know that person loves you for who you truly are, inside and out.
Orna and Matthew Walters, today’s relationship Power Couple, are dedicated to busting the myth that love is supposed to happen by accident. In the business of “Creating Love on Purpose,” they have taken their crusade global, empowering singles to be their own advocates to ultimately form true, soul partnerships. Promoting ‘love is an inside job and that it’s never too late to find the love of your life,’ Orna and Matthew have shared their successful program and expertise on: NBC, Fox News, MSN, USA Networks, KPFK Radio, with Les Brown on CBS Radio, and Bravo’s The Millionaire Matchmaker.
