By Jennifer Ross
The New Year is always that time to let go of the old and stagnate parts of your life to make room for the new and exciting ones. With all the spine-tingling sensations coming your way, now is a good time for you to start a new relationship. This does not mean that you dump your current relationship to find a new one. Rather, view this as making a new start with your current partner. To create a memorable 2013, filled with an invigorating romance to last well beyond the year, here are five steps to lead you to a “new” relationship:
1. Your mindset: The number one step to starting a new relationship with your current love is to mentally vow to have a new relationship with your current love. Sound too simple? It actually is that easy. You don’t need to know all the answers on January 1. Instead know this. Your relationship is on a new journey, with you and your partner as co-pilots. Once your new relationship takes off, there is no going back! Feel yourselves veering off course? That doesn’t matter; just nudge your relationship slowly back on track. And remember, as long as you and your mate are still heading towards the direction of love, you are always making progress to your final destination.
Related: Shrink Wrap: Has Your Relationship Hit a Speed Bump?
2. A new language: With a new relationship comes new vocabulary or rather a new way to speak to each other. Think of this as your relationship’s very own language of love, fluently spoken by only you and your partner. Instead of saying “I” or “you,” use the word “we.” Instead of saying “problem,” use the word “challenge.” Instead of saying “but,” use the word “and.” Instead of saying “can’t,” use the word “can.” Finally, instead of saying “why,” use the word “how.” An example of the old language is, “You have a problem but I can’t fix it. Why can’t you fix it?” Your new language is, “We have a challenge and we can fix it. How can we fix it?” The difference is to focus on a solution and not the problem. With a little practice, it will come natural.
3. Remember what year it is: If you are holding on to issues from 2012, it is time to let go. That doesn’t necessarily mean you act as if the issues never happened. Can anyone do that? Instead, have those conversations with your partner, talking about how each of you feel. The best way is to listen to your mate without interrupting. Don’t keep a tally, while he/she is speaking, of what you think he/she has done wrong. Honestly try to understand only from their perspective before reacting. Remember, you love each other. No one is deliberately hurting the other. Often the case is, both of you are reacting to preconceptions of intentional pain.
Related: Does Your Past Interfere with Your Present?
4. Be Open: In the late 1800’s, inventor Thomas Edison, and his team, experimented with thousands of different filaments in order to get the right material to make a long-lasting light bulb. What does this have to do with your relationship? Throughout 2013, you and your partner will also experiment with thousands of different ways to make a long-lasting relationship. Just like Edison, be open to other interpretations or ideas. More importantly, ask for help or advice when needed. Edison didn’t succeed alone and neither will you.
5. Control only what you can: Realize that just like last year, there will be situations to create setbacks in 2013, times where you will feel personally hurt or your relationship threatened. That doesn’t have to halt all progress. Make the decision to continue forward. Just because someone or something has attempted to hurt you does not mean you are required to react negatively. You cannot control what happens but you can control how you react. Once you master this, you will see that the negative issue is only 10% of the situation and how you react is 90%.
How do you plan to re-new your relationship in 2013? Share your ideas with us below.
