By Kerri Sheehan
Having a partner who always wants to be around you is a great feeling — to a certain extent. Everyone has needs when they’re in a relationship, but being overbearing about what you want will push your significant other towards the door. A relationship is an equal union, so if you’re busy only thinking about yourself, then your guy will begin to resent you. Here are the five reasons why being needy will push him away:
1. You’ll become completely dependent: Being too clingy causes you to revert to childhood. It stops being a peer relationship and becomes more of a caretaking relationship. Namaste Moore, life and relationship coach, says that, often times, this sort of dependency can put both parties in a bad position. “The significant other who is expected to meet that need is in the position of not being a partner but of being either a savior or villain, depending on their ability to satisfy their sweetheart. A healthy, mutual relationship based on the exchange of love quickly becomes a codependent dynamic where one partner feels they must choose either the loss of their sense of self or feel like the enemy.”
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2. You’ll put too much pressure on him: Your mate will spend so much of his extra time trying to meet your excessive desires that he will struggle to find the time to meet his own personal needs. The partnership will become less loving and romantic for him and more of an obligation. He will begin to resent you, and it’s likely that his friends will too, seeing as he’s spending all or most of his extra time trying to please you.
3. You’ll make him want to escape: Often times, the more a needy person holds on, the more their partner begins to pull away. Nobody likes to feel trapped, and being dependant on your guy will make him feel just that. He will start searching for the nearest exit simply because he feels ensnared by you. Try lessening the demand you put on your partner, and you will find that you’re both happier together.
4. You’ll cause an unhealthy imbalance: No matter what the healthy person does in a relationship, the clingy partner will almost never feel loved enough. Due to this inequality, they will instead feel neglected, and their behavior will surely reflect that. In the same way that a child acts out to get their mother’s attention, the needy party will act out to get the healthy party’s attention. No one wants to be in a relationship where they either don’t feel loved enough or feel like they can never do enough to show the other person that they love them. The relationship will not be mutually fulfilling for either party.
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5. You’ll be seen as selfish: Courtship consultant Brandon Aki explains that neediness goes hand in hand with selfishness: “Neediness is a buzzword. It simply means you’re inherently selfish, and selfish is never sexy.” When you’re needy, you can only think of what is done to you or for you, but it’s important to remember that it’s not all about you. Instead, “focus on maintaining your individuality and becoming the best person for your partner.”
Have you dealt with a needy partner before? Share your story in the comments below.
