By Keryl Pesce
When Richard Gere came galloping back on his white horse (AKA stretch-white limo) to rescue Julia Roberts (AKA Cinderella), a not-so-small piece of the dreamer in us melted as we sighed and secretly wished real life were just like that. I mean, fairytale relationships only exist in childhood stories and movies, right?
If you want to get closer in touch with what relationships are really like, tune in to The Real Housewives of NJ, NY, Atlanta or wherever. That’s more like it. Relationships are hard work, next to impossible to maintain and filled with drama, jealousy and cruelty. Umm, how about not!
I’m going to let you in on two very big secrets:
Secret #1. What you believe equals what you receive.
Secret #2. Fairytale relationships DO exist in real life.
There. I said it. I know it’s not what you’re used to hearing. That’s precisely the problem.
Related: It’s Time to Stop Asking, ‘When Will It Be My Turn?’
We’re bombarded with statistics, negative news stories and a personal thorn in my side — reality TV which hammer into our brains that divorce, affairs, selfishness and crap relationships are the norm and what we should expect. Make a note. What we focus on expands.
Related: How to Avoid the Reality Show Relationship Curse
If you’re wondering why you’ve had a difficult time finding Mr. Right or why your “was hoping he would turn into Mr. Right” made a left, I’ve got good news for you. There are fantastic people and amazing relationships waiting to be had. They exist. They are real. I know, because I’m in one.
I had the “get married in case no one better comes along” relationship. He cheated. I left. And truthfully, I’m not knocking him. It was simply the wrong two people coming together.
Fast forward to today and the newer, younger (by 8 years — go me!) version is quite frankly, a fairytale. My happiness is more important to him than his own. He cooks, helps with laundry, is generous in bed and yes, calls me “Baby.” Hate me if you wish, but I’m not here to brag. I’m here to raise your expectations. Because that is the one and only thing you need to do to bring yourself closer to the same thing.
The problem isn’t you, life or the lack of quality people. The problem is that we believe (wrongly) that we should expect all the negatives about relationships. That’s the bad news. The good news is that the solution is pretty simple. Hit reset.
You attracting an amazing relationship begins with deciding what you want and believing you can get it. When I crawled out of the pitiful depths of despair, I began to think in terms of what I wanted, not what I didn’t want. From there, it was simply a matter of training myself to stay focused on that and to trust. Think and act out of faith that what you want will come to you, not fear that it will not. Make this one small shift in your thinking, and watch what happens.
Keryl Pesce is the author of “Happy Bitch — The girlfriend’s straight-up guide to losing the baggage and finding the fun, fabulous you inside.” She is co-host of the weekly talk radio show “Happy Hour” and is co-founder of Happy Bitch wine.
