By Jared Sais
For this week’s analysis of The Bachelor, I focus on identifying lies and true feelings rather than my top picks for Sean. Read on to see if you agree with my assessments of Selma, Tierra, Amanda, Sarah and Leslie H.
Selma
Throughout her one-on-one date with Sean, Selma was incredibly close to the bachelor: they locked their hands together and wrapped their arms around each other. She was literally draping herself over him. Proxemics, or the study of space, indicates closeness, and there was definitely a strong attraction between these two.
When Sean asked her if she was okay with rock climbing, Selma replied, “Alright.” But based on her non-verbal cues, she was thinking, “Heck no!” First, her pitch and tone went down to almost a whisper, a sign of extreme fear and anxiety. Second, her body revealed the truth: as she was replying, she shook her head “no.”
Additionally, the phrase “alright” is a way to say no. It’s the same as “sure,” which is not a decisive yes and more of an “I don’t know.” If you ever say something to your loved ones, and they respond with an “alright” or “sure,” they aren’t completely on board with whatever you asked. They might even go back on their word later.
As for Sean and Selma’s date night…no kiss? No problem! Ladies, I’m going to share a little secret with you: if you hold back and your man gets mad and calls things off, he’s not worth dating. If he really likes you, holding back will actually make him subconsciously try even harder to get what he didn’t originally receive. In this case, I know for a fact Sean will give Selma a rose. And boom, I typed it, and it happened. Men want what they can’t have. Psychology wins once again.
Related Link: The Bachelor 17, Episode 3: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly
Tierra
Let’s talk about the non-verbal cues associated with real and fake tears. During real tears, the inner eye brows will go up towards the forehead; a bulge will be created in the middle of the eyebrows; and the corners of your lips will curl down. Your chin might also dimple. Of course, there are usually tears, and your noise may drip (tears don’t only drain through your eyes; they also come from your noise). Additionally, there is a lack of eye contact and a dazed look.
It’s easy to fake the bulge in between your eyebrows; it’s easy to fake the lowering of your corner lips; and it’s easy to fake the chin dimple. It’s a bit harder to fake the inner brows rising towards your forehead, and it’s really hard to fake tears and a runny noise. It’s also really hard to get your eyes to look as they do when you’re truly upset. But what is almost imposable to do is all of these actions at once. It takes a ton of practice to get it right, and Tierra just doesn’t have that much skill.
So are Tierra’s tears real or fake? 100 percent fake. The giveaway is her smirk at the end.
Amanda
Amanda’s nail biting may just be a habit, but it’s also a sign of anxiety. So when she said that she had done roller derby before, I could easily tell she was lying — even though her words were very confident. One of the main ways to tell if someone is lying is by identifying deviations within his or her story. Similar to Selma, Amanda lied with a deviation between her non-verbal behavior and her verbal communication.
As a side note, I liked that Amanda actually confessed and told the truth about playing the sympathy card.
Sarah
Sarah shrugged when she said she was “so happy.” Shrugging is a non-verbal cue that indicates that you don’t mean exactly what you’re saying, which is different from lying. If I said that I loved a movie but shrugged, I may have hated the movie, but I could’ve just liked it as well.
Related Link: The Bachelor 17, Episode 2: Love or Lies?
Leslie H.
Did you notice the tears in her eyes? Sure, she was upset, but it wasn’t all sadness. The majority of what she felt was anger. That’s right, she had all the signs of being pissed off, including pinching her lips and licking her front teeth. I bet her hands were making fists because she was furious. There was no hiding how she felt.
Conclusion
The information in this article can be used to counter the lies that people tell us everyday. In the game of love, people are very good at making us feel loved or special. Some people, though, try to manipulate our emotions and make us feel how they want us to feel (like Tierra with her fake crying). So remember this as you search for love: it’s not about finding just any guy or girl; it’s about finding a quality person who is worthy of your affection. These tips will help you read others and figure out if they truly love you or are just deceiving you.
Jared Sais is co-author of the website The Non-Verbal Game. He is an expert in non-verbal communication, who specializes in body language, micro-expressions and lie deception as they relate to life and love. For more information and to download a free PDF of the speech he gave at NYC’s Single In Stilettos, visit www.thenonverbalgame.com.
