By Liz Kim
There’s nothing wrong with knowing what you want in a future boyfriend or girlfriend; in fact, you shouldn’t settle for just anybody. But, there comes a point when unrealistic standards may actually be what’s keeping you from finding Mr. or Mrs. Right. If you are turning down a potentially great relationship because he has a funny hairstyle or she has “man hands,” a la Jerry Seinfield, then it’s time to reevaluate your priorities and loosen up a little. Below are a few signs that your standards are too high when it comes to dating:
1. You model your relationships after what you see on the big screen: “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” “You complete me.” “I’ll never let go, Jack.” Although Love Story, Jerry Maguire, and Titanic are beautiful films that celebrate the power of love, they’ve also done a good job at shattering realistic expectations when it comes to dating and relationships. We all want a love like Jack and Rose, but our idea of these relationships is false because Hollywood is scripted. With good editing and a staff of writers and makeup artists, any relationship can seem perfect. If you’re keeping track of your relationship by comparing it to what you see on the big screen, you are setting yourself up for failure and heartbreak.
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2. You have unrealistic physical standards: Whether it’s blue eyes, brown hair, or a certain height, everyone has a “type.” And while physical attraction does play an important role in dating, there may be a point when your standards become too high. “He’s tall, muscular, has kind hazel eyes, and he’s great with kids…but he has this tiny birthmark on his left cheek that’s too distracting. I can’t go out with somebody with a distracting birthmark.” If this sounds like you, you’re letting the little details get in the way of the big picture.
3. You can’t remember the last date you went on: You don’t realize this at first, but after you’ve turned down date after date, you’ll find yourself repeating the same scenario: it’s Saturday night, and you’re on the couch wrist deep in a pint of Ben and Jerry’s and re-watching all 7 seasons of The Golden Girls. If you don’t want this to happen, then it’s time to reevaluate what you’re looking for. If you refuse to shift your standards, then be prepared for frequent nights alone.
4. You’ve been told (repeatedly) that you’re too picky: If one or two people say you’re picky, you shouldn’t be too concerned. However, if multiple friends and family members are pointing out that your standards are too strict, then you might have a problem. Sometimes, we forget to look at ourselves from an outsider’s perspective and don’t realize how our behavior is affecting our life.
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5. You are a stubborn, repeat offender: If Chad is the eighth guy you’ve gone out with who surfs, has sandy blonde hair, and a penchant for guitar playing, and it hasn’t worked out, break out of your mold. Clearly, you don’t mesh with your “type,” and now it’s time to branch out. Try asking out the hipster barista from the corner coffee shop who can’t surf, has brown hair, and always gives you extra caramel drizzle and a smile. You’ve taken chances with eight Chads already, so trying something new can’t hurt!
6. The problem isn’t you, it’s him/her: This one plays off of number five. If you’re consistently dating the same type of person over and over again and it’s always a nightmare, we hate to break it to you, but it’s probably you. If you are one for order and routine but your dream date is someone who is always spontaneous (and kind of unreliable), more often than not, you’ll walk away unhappy and unsatisfied.
7. You’ve more than once regretted dumping somebody: Well, now you’ve done it. You turned down Jamie because he was into comic books, and a few months later you see him walking down the street with his new girlfriend. They’re holding hands and can’t take their eyes off of each other. You think to yourself, was he always so cute? And instantly you regret turning him down. Now, he’s happy and in love and you’re still along and sulking.
Imagine going to a buffet with tables and tables of food you’ve never tried before but only selecting to eat french fries. You know you like french fries, but all the salt makes you bloat and they’re not good cold. Maybe it’s time to try another dish. The beauty of dating is that if it doesn’t work out, you never have to see the person again. Instead of boxing yourself in with strict dating standards, it might be time to take a chance and date outside of your comfort zone. Who knows? Maybe he or she will bring out a side of you you didn’t know you had.
Do you think your dating standards are too high? Tell us in the comments below.
