By Marni Battista
As much as we’d like to think of ourselves as relationship experts and place all the blame for failed attempts at love on pure male stupidity, women may unknowingly make crucial slip-ups that land them back in the singles pool time and time again. If you find yourself chronically heartbroken, it’s time to take an objective look at your past relationships and ‘fess up if you’ve been guilty of making some of these common missteps. To help you do so, here are the top three mistakes women make in relationships and how to avoid them.
Related Link: Cupid’s Weekly Round-Up: Fixing Your Relationship
1. Trying to Change Him: We’ve all heard the age old saying that loving someone makes you want to be a better version of yourself, which is often misinterpreted and manifests itself as the number one mistake women make in relationships. We have a tricky habit of seeing men for the way they could be and not the way they are…and then we give ourselves the mission of being the one who helps them bridge that gap.
If you find yourself inclined to guide your man down a path you’ve envisioned for him, pause to analyze what small stuff you can let go or gently encourage. Ultimately, if you’re wanting to drastically change someone, this isn’t a good relationship for you in the long run anyway.
2. Acting Passive-Aggressive: Conflict is bound to arise in even the happiest of relationships, and unfortunately, some of it could leave you feeling upset or put out by your significant other’s words or actions. Many of us are guilty of employing the old standby silent treatment or just responding with curt answers, all the while assuming he knows exactly why you’re angry and impatiently waiting for a heartfelt apology.
While it can be comforting to a bruised ego to let him sweat it out, squirm, and press for what’s bothering you, passive-aggressive behavior will ultimately lead to a loss of respect or a fight without the issue really getting resolved. If you’re hurt or have a problem that needs discussing, be straightforward and address it head on.
3. Not Giving Him Space: In a relationship where you’re feeling either particularly lovey dovey, you can easily slip into the habit of insisting on spending all your time with your man. In the case where you simply cannot get enough of him, remember that you’ll appreciate the time spent together so much more if you maintain an active social calendar outside of your relationship. Furthermore, having your own activities and hobbies that you participate in independent of him will make you that much more appealing.
If you’re feeling especially drawn to him because he’s been withdrawing from you, it could be that he’s needing to sort through an internal issue unrelated to the relationship. Men are wired differently and prefer to deal with tough issues on their own rather than reach out to others for help. If his seclusion is isolated to within your relationship, it’s time to open the lines of communication and air out whatever it is that isn’t working. Smothering him without addressing the heart of the matter will only drive him further away.
Related Link:Â How to Listen to Your Heart and Take Back Control of Your Love Life
If you have a tendency to make any or all of these three mistakes, it’s time to take a dating break and look at what fears or insecurities are behind your behaviors. Often, trying not to make these mistakes can feel akin to a Monday morning diet promise: easily made but rarely implemented once we get triggered. Forgive yourself for the errors you’ve made and give yourself an opportunity to change-up your dating game. The result will be worth it, of that we are sure!
Marni Battista, founder of Dating with Dignity, is an expert dating and life coach with a 10-step system to manifesting love for your self and others. You can contact Marni at marni@datingwithdignity.com.
