By Jennifer Oikle, Ph.D., for GalTime.com
how to know you’re ready
When your heart’s been bruised by a big break up, it’s common to feel a little reluctant about getting back in the game. After all, who wants to go through that again? And in fact, you’re wise to be thoughtful about timing your leap back into the dating pool because jumping right back in with an aching heart can certainly result in prolonging your emotional roller coaster ride. So, how do you know when the time is ripe to begin a fresh search for love? Answer these seven questions to gauge just how ready you are:
Sign 1: The Tears Have Dried
Can you think about your ex without getting teary or angry? To do a new guy justice, you need to start with a clear slate that isn’t clouded by strong or topsy-turvy feelings. When your ex comes up and you can feel neutral or just a twinge of emotion, you’ll know your heart is ready to open to another.
Sign 2: Ex-Free Conversation
Do you still talk about your ex to your friends, co-workers, and family? If the past is still on your mind all of the time and you can’t help bringing him up in every conversation, it means you’re still in the heat of processing the relationship. When you’re no longer preoccupied with him, say, you’ve gone a week or more without mentioning him, you’ll have the freedom of mind to offer to a new cutie.
Sign 3: Your Life is a “No Old Beau Zone”
Do you still see, talk to, or text your old boyfriend regularly? If so, it’s a sign that you may still be dependent on him to meet your emotional needs. While it may be ok to remain friendly with your ex, you’ll need to stand on your own two feet, without his aid, before you’re ready to date again.
Sign 4: Your Confidence has Rebounded
Do you feel like your old, ready to conquer the world, self yet? A break up can do a number on your confidence, making you doubt yourself in ways that feel unfamiliar. If the thought of any new rejection makes you feel devastated, wait until other man’s opinions don’t matter so much because you know just how awesome you are.
Sign 5: Lessons Learned
Can you list what you learned from the experience, as well as what you would do differently next time around? People tend to make the same mistakes over and over in love. So be sure you’ve had enough time to gain some new perspective on what happened. When you can see how you contributed to the issues and explain what new choices and actions you’d make, you’re ready to do it more successfully next time.
Sign 6: Hope Flows
Do you feel that spark of real hope, knowing that there is someone right out there for you? Repeated breakups or dead-end relationships can make even a hardy single start to lose hope, feeling bitter and disillusioned. Unfortunately, that crusty exterior will extinguish any new flame, making rejection even more likely, so wait until you’re able to embrace a positive attitude before you date again.
Sign 7: You’re Cutie Curious
Have you started to notice cute guys again and wonder what it would be like to be with them? After a break up, you can’t even think about another guy. So when you guy-dar turns back on and you feel attracted to new men, you’re getting close! As long as the other 6 signs are green lights, this might be the final indicator that you’re ready, willing, and able to be a partner to a great new guy!
