By J’Nel Wright for Divorce Support Center
If your relationship and love has been confronted with unexpected and undesirable changes, you might consider ending your marriage. While we witness the threat of celebrity divorce surface almost every day, along with other nasty allegations, the fact remains that the decision to pursue a divorce is a personal choice.
Relationship Expert: What To Consider Before Ending Your Marriage
Before you make a serious decision about your future, consider our love advice and ask yourself these questions:
1. What do you value most about the marriage? Is it the security the marriage provides? Do you value the companionship that’s shared? For many, mutual respect is a highly favored characteristic, but whatever it may be, consider the strength of that factor now. For example, relationship expert, Rosalind Sedacca, CCT, says “When one or both spouses stop respecting one another, the foundation of the marriage is torn apart and little can be done to mend it. This is the biggest cause of divorce and is usually behind all the other issues involved.” If the value you cherish is lost, you need to decide if it can ever be reclaimed. If not, you have the answer on what the next step should be.
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2. What do you value in your partner? Think about what attracted you to your honey in the first place. Was it integrity? Was it the prospect of a lifetime of financial support? Does your partner make you laugh or offer protection that makes you feel safe? If something has happened that compromises their character or desirable traits, you need to consider what’s left. Moreover, is it enough to sustain your marriage in the future. The key is to identify the difference between reacting to an emotional experience and becoming more self-aware about what ultimately matters to you and what you want in your life.
Divorce support relationship expert Cathy Meyer says “If you’re ready for divorce, you’ve let go of any emotional attachments you have to your spouse. These are good and negative feelings that often come into play during marital conflict. Deciding on divorce at a time when you’re overwhelmed with emotions won’t solve problems. It will generate problems and compound any hurt and frustration you may be feeling.”
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3. How much is an outside party influencing your feelings or decision? At the first sign of infidelity, the pressure to leave the marriage is palpable. Often the hint of staying leaves feminists howling “once a cheater, always a cheater.” But what if the infraction is viewed as redeemable? In a variety of instances that go beyond infidelity, how do you piece together the logic of the woman who chooses to stand by her man? Truthfully, a third party has no place in your decision. If they have information that’s important for you to know then it should be shared, but if you find yourself overly concerned about the reaction your decision may receive, your focus is misdirected. Only you can decide if this marriage has the foundation to withstand hardship. You’re the one to decide if you have the strength and desire to rebuild it. Whatever your decision, be prepared to defend it to those who question it, but make it clear the decision was yours to make.
Related Link: Expert Dating Advice: Moving On After a Divorce
We are surrounded by failed marriages that kicked the bucket for a host of reasons. Unfortunately, the commonality of it doesn’t make the decision to end our marriage any easier. By establishing our value system and monitoring the present state of a relationship that we once held in high esteem, we can better prepare ourselves to estimate the current value of our love and whether or not it can make it over the threshold to better days.
For more information about and articles by our Hope After Divorce relationship experts, click here.
