By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT
While the economy is turning up, middle- and lower-class Americans are still struggling with financial challenges. Many couples that are ready to call it quits in their relationship and love are postponing the divorce decision because they can’t afford it or the two-home reality in their future. As a relationship expert, here is my love advice for how to cope with the economic reality of divorce.
Relationship Expert Shares Love Advice About Divorce
Does postponing divorce mean couples are finding new ways to get along and reconsider their marriages? I’ve seen some cases where the relationship and love survives because they put off breaking up. But for many, it just means adapting to continued states of unhappiness and coping with disappointment and frustration. This approach, of course, does not bear well for the children of these unions. They experience the negative consequences of a distressed marriage whether their parents split up or choose to stay together because of economic factors.
Too many couples are so financially dependent on one another that they can’t make a clean break. But, at the same time, they’ve lost their emotional interdependence, which helps a partnership thrive during outside challenges. Without the affection and emotional connection, they’re basically roommates sharing a home and living expenses.
Related Link: Expert Love Advice: How To Tackle That Nagging Seven-Year Itch
The problem is that they’re also parents of children who may be more confused than ever about life at home. Mom and Dad are still married and together — but are they? It’s a big concern for therapists, school guidance counselors, clergy, and others who understand children’s emotional and psychological needs during times of high stress. There are no clear resolutions for today’s economic challenges or for parents caught up in making the divorce decision. However, staying together in a marriage that continues in “form” can only be a damaging situation for the kids. That’s because those marriages often fail to focus on the emotional safety and security factors that children need in order to thrive, feel self-confident, and express themselves.
Dating Expert Gives Tips For Moving Ahead — In Or Out Of A Marriage
Parents, whatever you do, stop and ask yourself some fundamental questions before moving ahead, whether you choose to stay in your marriage or get divorced:
- Despite economic stress, are we taking the time to give our children the loving attention they deserve?
- Are we as parents providing a loving environment for our children, either in the same residence or two separate abodes?
- Are we providing the nurturing values and personal time we want to instill in our children despite our own challenges as adults?
- Are we creating rituals with one or both parents so our children feel that we still are a “family” regardless of the form it takes?
- Should we be seeking outside professional help to make sure our children are feeling safe, secure, loved, and peaceful in their home environment(s)?
- Are we being honest with our children about our circumstances without sharing adult details with them that would be confusing and burdensome at their age?
- Are we restraining from arguing, badmouthing each other, and creating tension? Are we avoiding bitterness, sarcasm, or other negativity when the children are present?
- Are we reminding our children how much we love them and will continue to love them regardless of changes in where and how we live?
Related Link: Relationship Expert Talks About Helping Kids Through Divorce
As a dating expert, I know that how you answer these questions will determine the quality of life your children experience, whether they are residing in one residence or two. Always remember: You are parents first and a couple struggling with marital or divorce issues second. Isn’t that the way it should be?
For more information about and expert relationship advice from Hope After Divorce, click here.
Rosalind Sedacca’s Child-Centered Divorce Network provides free articles, an e-zine, coaching services and other valuable resources for parents at www.childcentereddivorce.com. Her signature ebook, How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children — with Love! is also available at www.howdoitellthekids.com.
