Expert Dating Advice: Should You Give Your Ex a Second Chance?

By Amy Osmond Cook for Divorce Support Center

In the latest celebrity news, actress Pamela Anderson recently announced that her celebrity divorce to two-time husband, Rick Salomon, was final. In retrospect, she realized she never should have traveled down that path a second time. In contrast, my aunt Marie Osmond reunited with and remarried her first husband, Stephen Craig, 26 years after they divorced. This celebrity couple is fantastic together, and I’m thrilled to see them back together. As Uncle Donny stated in People.com, “These two people are right for each other.”

Deciding whether or not your ex is the ultimate soul mate for you can be a complicated decision, and it’s one that requires some soul-searching. Six percent of people remarry their former spouse, and sometimes, it results in happiness, while other times, the old problems flare up again. As a relationship expert, I think the wisdom behind that decision largely depends on what caused the marriage to break up in the first place and what changes are happening now. My expert dating advice would be to consider these three reasons for remarrying your spouse and these three reasons to move on:

Expert Dating Advice For Giving Your Ex a Second Chance

1. You’re able to forgive each other: What was once considered a deal breaker to your marriage may take on a different look as time passes. In her Huffington Post article, “Remarrying Your Ex-Spouse,” author Lois Tarter believes the ability to forgive comes with time, stating, “If the two ex-spouses worked on themselves while apart and they are in a better place, they may be able to forgive their spouse for all that went wrong.”

Related Link: Expert Dating Advice For Finding Love After Divorce

2. Bad timing caused the break-up: Could it be the right guy came along at the wrong moment? If so, follow my expert dating advice and look at the personal growth of both of you during the time apart. “Sometimes, two people feel that they need to grow a bit on their own in order to be fully committed to a marriage,” wrote Tarter.

3. The problem wasn’t the marriage: In some cases, it was the baggage that was brought into a marriage that cast a destructive shade on the relationship and love. Rachel Clark, who blogs for Psychology.com as “Marry, Divorce, Reconcile,” refers to her own experience when she writes, “It was never the marriage. It was a habit of thinking that questioned and doubted, that spawned negativity instead of positivity. And I can say that came from my childhood because my own parents had divorced.”

Relationship Expert Gives Reasons to Move On

1. Toxic behavior is ruining the relationship: As we witnessed with Anderson, a failure to acknowledge the effects of unhealthy behaviors can doom a relationship and love. It’s like opening the refrigerator door, hoping to find something to eat, not finding anything, and closing the door, only to open it again a few seconds later in the hopes that something new appeared. That type of thinking is irrational, and so is thinking the same negative behavior patterns will not have an adverse effect on you as they once did. 

Related Link: Romantic Relationship Advice: From Roadkill to Recommitment

2. You are remarrying for the wrong reasons: Contrary to most Disney movies, remarrying your ex-spouse for the sake of the children, the grandparents, to save the family farm, or any reason that lies outside of genuine love for this person is sure to end in disaster for the second time.

3. Your ex-spouse has moved on: If your former spouse has invested his time and affections into another, your time speculating what could have been is over. “Life would be so much easier for everyone involved if our feelings of desire, love, and attachment were reciprocated,” was an opinion shared on truthaboutdeception.com. “But more often than not, these basic emotions do not align themselves that way.”

By taking an honest look at the reasons behind your split, you may be facing an opportunity to make right what went wrong long ago. Or you may be proud of your ability to escape a destructive relationship that left your heart as empty as your checking account. Either way, toying with the prospect enables you to confirm your choices and feel good about what is to come.

For more information about and articles by our Hope After Divorce relationship experts, click here.