By Amy Osmond Cook for Divorce Support Center
Fellow fictional vampires Nikki Reed and Ian Somerhalder just tied the knot in their celebrity wedding after a whirlwind romance. The famous couple began their relationship in the fall of 2014 when Reed announced she and her then-husband Paul McDonald were separating. By January 2015, the celebrity divorce was finalized and Somerhalder had popped the question. Now, the two are hitched and honeymooning in Brazil after dating for less than a year.
Expert Dating Advice for Finding Love
To some, tying the knot only four months after leaving a marriage may seem impulsive, but there are no rules set in stone when it comes to finding love after a divorce. “This wildly varies from person to person,” Judith Sills, Ph.D, psychologist and author of Getting Naked Again: Dating, Romance, Sex, and Love When You’ve Been Divorced, Widowed, Dumped, or Distracted told Web MD. “Everyone ends a relationship by grieving the emotional investment. For some people, that happens before they move out. Others are still emotionally married after the divorce is final.”
Based on the romantic photos that Daily Mail shared of the honeymoon, it looks like married life suits this famous couple. Reed seems confident about her relationship with Somerhalder, which is one of the most important signs of a healthy union, especially when her celebrity divorce from Paul McDonald was so public.
What are some ways you can tell if you are ready to dedicate yourself to a committed relationship after a divorce? Here’s some expert dating advice to determine if you’re ready to begin again:
Related Link: Dating Advice: Create The Person You Want To Be
1. Feel it out: Stay true to your feelings. Allow yourself “a little time to think, a little time to grieve, a little opportunity to find someone else,” Sills says. Sure, Reed was ready to seriously date almost immediately after leaving her previous marriage, but that doesn’t mean you have to be, too. Do what feels good. If dating makes you uncomfortable, embrace that fact, and use that time to treat yourself. Eventually, your emotions will let you know when you’re really ready.
2. No, really, feel it out: Dating after divorce has shown potential to prevent depression in a surprising way. Dr. Karen Finn stresses the importance of human touch when it comes to maintaining good mental health. However, if the idea of becoming physically close with a new person isn’t appealing, Dr. Finn recommends to, “get a massage, become known by your friends as a hugger, get a mani and/or pedi, and hug yourself.”
3. Do it for the right reasons: It can be tempting to jump back into dating after a divorce so that you can claim yourself as “the winner,” the one who finds happiness with another person first. Unfortunately, that’s not the kind of motivation that will necessarily lead to a lasting new relationship. You wouldn’t want to get involved with someone who is invested in hurting their ex’s feelings, so don’t put anyone else in that position.
Related Link: How to Be Mindful When It Comes to Relationships and Love
There is no schedule in terms of finding love post-divorce. Most importantly, this is a time to rekindle the love you have for yourself! Then you can start hunting vampires like Reed, if you know what I mean.
For more information about and articles by our Hope After Divorce relationship experts, click here.
