By Cynthia MacGregor for Hope After Divorce
If you didn’t make any New Year’s resolutions, don’t feel bad. Many people don’t. In fact, I happen to be one of them. But just because you didn’t make any resolutions, that doesn’t mean you can’t make any changes.
Most resolutions get broken anyhow — and pretty quickly at that. But you don’t need to make a resolution in order to make a change. Think about your life as it is currently or as it has been for the past 12 months. Are you satisfied with it? If not, what would you like to change about it?
What’s stopping you?
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Of course, if you’d like to be living in a mansion with servants and what’s stopping you is that you only make so many dollars (fill in the blank) a week/month/year, then you’re dreaming impractically. Instead think of the things you’d like to change that are feasible. Plausible. Possible. And then I’ll ask you the same question: What’s stopping you?
Would you like a better relationship with your kids? Do you think it’s impossible as long as they maintain their attitudes and there’s nothing you can do? Think again.
Yes, they’re the ones with the attitudes, the ones with all the eye-rolling, the ones who are being smart-mouthed or bratty or just plain obnoxious. But have you sat them down and had a talk? A non-judgmental, non-accusatory talk? Have you elicited from them the specific reasons they behave and talk the way they do? If they can’t come up with a single one, maybe they’ll realize that they’re wrong. Maybe they’ll change. It’s not impossible. And if they do come up with some reason and it reflects on you, maybe there’s something you can do that’s different. (Hey, if you can ask them to change, isn’t it reasonable to ask yourself to change too?)
What about having a better relationship with your ex in the year ahead? Is that something you’d like? I don’t mean for you to get back together or anything of the sort. I just mean for you to normalize the way you relate to each other, so every request to change visiting days doesn’t escalate into a skirmish.
Leaving aside your relationship with your kids and your ex, what about the way you feel about yourself? What do you like about yourself? Focus on it. Expand on it. What don’t you like about yourself? Work on changing it. Do you want to be a less cynical person? A more forgiving person? A more accepting person? Give yourself an attitude makeover.
You’re a single mom with kids, and you’re not likely to change that in the New Year unless you get married or move in with someone—which is not a change that can come from within so isn’t under discussion here. But what you can change about yourself is your attitude toward that status. If you’ve been desperately looking for a new husband, you can work to become comfortable in your own skin, a self-sufficient person, a person who’s happy with herself and her life. And if you’ve been in I-hate-men, men-all-stink mode, maybe it’s time to let it go and realize that one bad marriage doesn’t mean the whole barrel of apples is rotten.
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What else would you like to change about your life? Which of those things can you change?
Well, what’s stopping you?
It’s a new year. How about a new you for the New Year?
Get started!
For more information on Hope After Divorce, click here.
Cynthia MacGregor is a multi-published author. She has over 100 books to her credit. They include “After Your Divorce,” “Divorce Helpbook for Kids,” “Divorce Helpbook for Teens,” “Solo Parenting,” “’Step’ This Way,” and others. Forthcoming books include “The One-Parent Family,” “Why Are Mommy and Daddy Getting Divorced,” and “Daddy Doesn’t Live Here Anymore.” She hosted and produced the TV show “Solo Parenting,” which was broadcast in South Florida over WHDT. Cynthia writes for HopeAfterDivorce.org, FamilyShare.com and LAFamily.com.
